I felt like I was going to throw up from nerves. It had only been a year and a half since I’d run away with Vida and the pack, and I was going to meet with the Darkness’s leaders already. Blythe said they wanted to meet me, to see what I was like and what my magic could do. Nayan, too– they were nonnegotiable, and evidently the Darkness was curious about what in my magic connected an ordinary bird to me and made them as smart as a person. Though they’d tried, I was the first with this magic they’d been able to get to before the Emperor, and with the little they knew about the others they’d never heard of anything like Nayan. Our connection could be because of whispering, but not their intelligence.

“Dress or suit?” Vida asked, stopping outside a tailor’s shop.

Since I’d found Nayan, I wore skirts occasionally– but only with pants beneath. Growing out my hair again felt wonderful in some ways, but it made people take me for a girl more often, so I only wore skirts at home– Vida loved seeing me in them, and they spun out so beautifully when we danced. They were airier over the summer, too.

But I didn't want the Darkness to see me as a girl. I wanted to start this off right.

“A suit,” I said. “Do I really need it, though?”

“Yes,” Vida said. “Your current clothes are… Not suitable.” She grabbed my hand. “Trust me, I grew up at court. Let’s find you something good. Something as striking as you are.”

“And comfortable?”

“Of course. I’ve had enough of itchy, too-tight dresses, I wouldn’t inflict anything like that on you.”

“Are you sure we can afford it?”

Vida flashed a coin at me, bright gold. “Seren gave me plenty, don’t worry. We’ve been saving for this.”

I squeezed her hand, my heart warming, and followed her into the store. Nayan had to wait outside, sulking on the roof. 

It’s completely ridiculous that they don’t allow birds, they said. I want to go in with you.

Sorry, I offered. If it’s any consolation, you’d come everywhere with me if I made the rules.

I got a sense of appreciative satisfaction. They liked that.

Vida led me to the male dummies in their mocked-up suits. “What do you like the look of best, love? It doesn’t have to be exact.”

I paced along the row. “Maybe this one?” It was a simple dove-gray jacket and pants, with a loose white shirt underneath. I didn’t know the cut, couldn’t say what made it different from the other models. “But in black, with maybe a…”

Blue.

“A blue shirt.” Why blue?

I like it.

“Oh, that one will look good on you,” Vida said appreciatively. “Good eye, Des. I think wool, and we might be able to afford a silk tie if you want one.”

…The idea was incredibly attractive. I nodded.

Vida and I left a few hours later with my measurements taken– the tailor gave me an odd look, but didn’t say anything about my chest– and a promise that my suit would be ready in a week. He had another client near my measurements who'd wanted a black suit but changed his mind about the color once it was done, he said, so adjusting it wouldn't take long. 

Six days later we returned to the shop. I tried on the suit. It fit like a dream, and I looked… I looked incredible. The pants were close-fitting but not too tight, the hems just hit my ankles and mostly covered my old boots. The jacket accentuated my shoulders, making them look broader and more masculine. Underneath it, the shirt was the softest thing I’d ever worn. It fit loosely enough to feel comfortable over my bindings, but tightly enough to feel comfortable under the jacket, or under the costume vest if I chose to wear it. The tie was black silk, so smooth and slippery under my fingers I couldn’t stop caressing it. 

Vida moved behind me and combed through my hair with her fingers, pulling messy locks over my shoulder. She kissed my cheek. “Straighten your back, love, chin up. Pull your shoulders back– not that much, just a little bit. There, now look in the mirror again, love, you look like a prince.”

I looked and gaped. I looked confident. And really good. Not quite like a boy or a girl. My hair was too long, my face too feminine-looking to be a boy’s, but there wasn’t any sign that I had breasts. I looked stronger than I was, more confident than I was. 

I looked… right.

I touched my face. The person in the mirror touched theirs. I watched as Vida pulled my hair back into a low ponytail and I transformed into an aristocratic young nobleman.

“Leave my hair loose,” I said softly. I didn’t want to look like a boy when I met the Darkness. I wanted to look like the true self I’d glimpsed in the mirror.

“Are you sure?” Vida let go of my hair and it fell back into messy curls.

I nodded, my gaze fixed on the mirror still. Over my shoulder, I saw her smile.

Two more days flew past in travel, and then I pulled on the suit again, trying not to wrinkle it. My hands shook, my heart pounding so hard I thought I might be sick.

Ew, Nayan said. I never wanted to know what nausea feels like. Stop it please.

I managed a laugh and held out my arm for Nayan. I could feel their talons digging into my arm, but they were careful not to scratch the sleeve.

We can do anything together, Nayan said happily. Including going to see the Darkness. They’re impressed with us, remember. They want us to join them.

I guess. I took a shaky breath, then another. I’d be okay. They just wanted to see what Nayan and I could do. They wanted to meet us.

“I guess that works.” Vida chuckled. “Are you ready, love?”

“No,” I admitted in a rush of breath. “Let’s go. Where’s Blythe?”

“She’s almost ready. Let me fix my hair, then I will be.” Vida grinned at me. “Or did you change your mind about me coming with you?”

“Never,” I protested.

“Good.” She pecked my cheek, then knelt, rummaging for a comb. I watched as she combed the curls away from her forehead, sweeping them all back neatly before exchanging for a brush to detangle the rest of her hair. “Want me to do anything with your hair?”

I raked my fingers through my own curls, mussing them. “I like it like this. It feels like me.”

Growing up,  my mother always insisted on me looking perfect. Hair neatly brushed and braided, clothes clean and mended and matching. I had to be perfect, the way the Light would want.

Well, I was Dark now. A shadow. I wasn’t perfect or light in any way, so my hair could damn well be messy if I wanted it to be.

“Hey.” Vida touched my shoulder. “Are you okay, love?”

“Yeah,” I gave her a small smile. “I am now. Let’s get going.”

Seren found us right after we left the tent, in gray pants and a dark gold-ish shirt. “Change of plans, Blythe isn’t feeling well, so I’m taking you. You both look quite nice, by the way.”

Vida did a little twirl, making her leaf-patterned green skirt flare out. “Why, thank you, Seren! You look nice too.”

She nodded, smiling. “Thank you. Let’s get going, our meeting is in just an hour and it’ll take some time to get there.” We’d stopped a little before the edge of town, usually we didn’t even camp that close.

“This is Amane,” Seren said, leading us down the path. Golden ears poked out of her hair. “And it’s one of the few places we don’t need to hide anything, because Amane is a Dark town. It’s not our only refuge, but it’s one of them.”

It looked so… normal, not at all like what I’d imagined a Dark town would be. I saw children running in the streets, chasing each other with delight. Adults walked together, some with children and some without. I saw two girls, within a few years of my age, walking hand in hand, giggling at something one of them had said. Two older men walked together, each holding one of a laughing child’s hands. Another woman sat in a wheeled chair while a man pushed it, the two of them chatting to each other.

It’s pretty, Nayan said appreciatively. They nibbled at my hair from where they were perched on my shoulder.

Seren led us to one of the smaller houses and went inside without knocking. Vida and I exchanged a look.

“Yes, you can both come in,” Seren called. “Don’t dawdle, now.”

We went in.

There wasn’t much to the house. Only two rooms– and a trapdoor under the dining table that Seren pulled open. “Ladies first.” She nodded to Vida.

Her wings fluttered nervously. “I don’t like underground. At all. Couldn’t we have met in a forest somewhere?”

“This is more secure.”

I reached for Vida’s hand. “I’m right behind you, V. Or I can go first?”

“Better that Vida does, actually,” Seren said. “Whoever’s guarding won’t recognize you, Destiny, most of them know her by story if not sight, and I’ve got to latch the door.”

Vida groaned and tugged on a curl. “I don’t like this. At all. Is it too late to back out?”

“I’ll go first,” I said, and before Seren could stop me I’d grabbed the ladder and slid down, Nayan flying off my shoulder as I did so.

I couldn’t see anything in the pitch-darkness. The hair on the back of my neck prickled uncomfortably.

See, that’s why I didn’t go with you. Too dark. Too underground. I’d rather stay up here.

Don’t be a baby. I looked around, trying to see anything at all.

There was a soft, sibilant rasp. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from and snapped my head around instinctively, trying to see.

“Intruder,” a voice whispered.

“Uh, nope.” I tried to sound more confident than I felt. My voice cracked. “I’m supposed to be here. I’m Destiny. The Darkness wanted me to come.”

There was a moment of silence.

Then something slammed into my chest, knocking me to the ground.

I screamed and felt the thing jerk back, then press back down.

“Destiny!” I heard Vida shout distantly.

Whatever it was let out an angry croaking hiss and suddenly its breath was on my face as it gripped the front of my shirt. “Intruders don’t leave.”