“So let me get this straight,” Astronaros said, arms crossed, expression unimpressed. “You five gods are… just hanging out in a forest?”

Apollo raised a finger. “Secret forest.”

Dionysus sipped from his goblet. “Magically warded forest. Can’t find it unless the forest wants you to.”

Poseidon yawned. “Or unless you’re very, very annoying.”

That last part might’ve been directed at Astro. He ignored it.

“And we just happened to stumble into this top-secret god party?” I asked.

Hephaestus adjusted his goggles, blinking up at us through lashes smudged with soot. “More like... time and space guided you.”

“Oh great,” I muttered. “My specialty betrayed me.”

“Mine, too,” Astro added, frowning. “Rude.”

Hermes tossed his coin into the air and caught it behind his back like a showoff. “Or maybe Fate dropped you off here like two clueless little packages. Signed, sealed, and very much not ready for what comes next.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What does come next?”

The gods exchanged glances.

Then Apollo clapped his hands. “Training montage!”

“No,” Poseidon groaned. “We talked about this. No montages on day one.”

“I brought the lyre and everything.”

Dionysus chuckled. “I could make them hallucinate it.”

“No one is hallucinating anything!” I blurted.

Hephaestus cleared his throat. “Maybe we should let them… I don’t know, settle in first?”

Wait.

“Settle in?” Astro said before I could.

Hephaestus looked mildly panicked that someone had listened to him. “Y-You’ll need somewhere to stay, right? While we assess your… suitability.”

Poseidon arched a brow. “You inviting them to your forge, Heph?”

Hephaestus turned bright red. “N-No! I just— I meant generally! Collectively! Someone should— Not me— I’m—”

Apollo patted him on the back. “What he’s trying to say is: welcome to your divine crash course.”

“Trial by chaos,” Hermes added.

“Trial by wine,” Dionysus offered with a grin.

“Trial by sharks,” Poseidon said hopefully.

Everyone ignored him.

Astronaros turned to me. “We should leave. This is clearly a trap.”

“Maybe,” I whispered back. “But if it is, it’s a beautifully shirtless one.”

His lips twitched.

“I heard that,” Dionysus sang.

Hermes slung an arm around both our shoulders in a blink—I swear he teleported. “You don’t want to leave yet. Not when the real fun’s just starting.”

“Define fun,” I said, warily.

“Challenges. Combat. Divine disasters. Emotional baggage. And, possibly, sexy god mentors.”

“Also brunch,” Apollo chimed in.

“You can’t just bribe us with brunch,” Astro snapped.

“Can’t we?” said Dionysus, tilting his head. “What if I make pancakes shaped like your face?”

Astronaros flinched.

He was considering it.

Hermes gave me a subtle nudge. “Look, Pneumeros. You came seeking training, right? Power like yours doesn’t just... figure itself out. Unless you want to end up exploding a decade of history every time you sneeze.”

Rude. Accurate. But rude.

“And you,” he added, turning to Astronaros. “You're barely holding your dimensional balance in check. Don't think I didn’t notice that pocket rift back there.”

“It was stable,” Astro muttered.

“Was it?” Hermes grinned. “Tell that to the bird with two beaks.”

I sighed. I hated that they were right. I hated it more that I wanted them to be. For all our strength, Astro and I weren’t trained. Not really. I could slow time, loop it, twist it—but control it? Guide it? Nah. Not without a nosebleed and a headache. Astro was worse. He could bend space like taffy but the last time he got mad, he accidentally deleted a hill.

Not moved it. Not collapsed it.

Deleted.

Gone.

“So what?” I asked. “We train under all five of you?”

“Eventually,” Poseidon said, already halfway back to napping on a rock.

“Or none of us,” Apollo added. “Depends how you do.”

Dionysus stretched like a cat. “Depends if you’re fun.”

“Or useful,” Hermes said.

“Or worthy,” Hephaestus added, softly.

Astronaros and I exchanged a look. It wasn’t our usual bickering kind. It was the kind that meant: This is big. And we’re probably going to regret it. But maybe we’ll regret it together.

“Fine,” I said. “We’ll stay.”

“Trial accepted,” Astro added.

Apollo whooped. Dionysus clapped. Hermes flicked his coin and winked at us.

Poseidon didn’t move, but I swear I saw the corners of his mouth twitch. Hephaestus just looked relieved, which somehow made me feel weirdly safe.

Then the ground shook.

A distant rumble echoed through the woods, low and unnatural. The birds didn’t return. The silence was suddenly too silent.

Hermes’s grin dropped.

Poseidon stood. “Well,” he muttered. “Guess the trials start sooner than we thought.”

Dionysus raised his goblet. “To fate.”

“To chaos,” Apollo added.

“To whatever that noise was,” I said, drawing my dagger.

Astronaros summoned a dimensional blade into his hand. “Hopefully not another lavender death pocket.”