There were three words I never wanted to hear before breakfast.

“CHASE. ME. LOSERS.”

And there went Hermes—laughing, glowing, sprinting full-speed across camp with all our gear in a bag slung over his back.

“Are you kidding?!” I shouted.

Astronaros was already running, cloak flaring behind him like a comet tail. I followed, because apparently this was training now.

Welcome to Hermes.

God of speed, god of theft, god of making me scream into the void.

“I’m teaching you agility,” he called over his shoulder, easily thirty feet ahead. “And situational awareness! Also how not to die when your enemy is prettier than you and faster!”

“Sounds like you’re projecting!” I yelled back.

“Probably!” he said brightly. “Keep up!”

We chased him through the woods. He moved like a flicker—barely touching the ground, vanishing and reappearing ten feet away, leaving behind a trail of god-awful puns carved into tree trunks:

“This way to humiliation →”

“I saw that stumble, Astro ❤️”

“Pneumeros has a cute butt but poor reflexes 😘”

“How is he insufferable and still kind of charming?” I gasped, ducking under a branch.

Astronaros, ahead of me, growled, “He’s chaos incarnate.”

“Jealous?”

“Of him? No. Of how he flirts with you? Maybe.”

That made my brain hiccup. “Wait. What?”

But then Hermes dropped from a tree directly in front of us, grinning like the crime twink he is.

“Tag,” he said, tapping me lightly on the forehead before vanishing in a blur of golden motion.

“Stars—” Astro cursed, doubling back. “Where’d he go?”

“Does he ever slow down?” I wheezed.

“Only for drama or kisses,” Hermes said, suddenly lounging upside-down in midair. “Neither of which you’ve earned yet. Training, remember?”

With a flick of his hand, the ground beneath us tilted. Literally. Like he’d bent space and gravity with a wink. We slid downward—Pneumeros yelling something unprintable as we crashed into a pond full of glittering koi who looked personally offended.

Hermes appeared at the edge of the water, clapping. “10/10 form! 3/10 reaction speed. 7/10 dramatic screaming.”

“What are we actually learning right now?!” I shouted, soaking wet and furious.

“Reflexes,” Hermes said. “Improvisation. And how to deal with unexpected emotional chaos—like, say, catching feelings for your best friend while a god flirts with him in Latin.”

“Okay, that’s—!” I started, but he winked and tossed a dagger.

I caught it instinctively.

It pulsed in my hand—light, fast, alive.

“You see?” he said, suddenly less cheeky. “You’re faster than you think. You just need the right kind of distraction.”

I blinked.

“Wait,” Astronaros said slowly, “This was actually about tuning our reactions… emotionally and magically… under pressure?”

Hermes smiled. “Congratulations. You’re catching on.”

Then his eyes softened—just a touch.

“You’re both used to being in control,” he said. “Time. Space. Feelings. But love isn’t about control.”

Pneumeros and Astronaros exchanged a glance.

Too long.

Too loaded.

Hermes raised both brows. “Whew. Thick tension. I love it. Hate to interrupt a moment but—”

He disappeared.

Then reappeared behind us with armfuls of enchanted ropes. “—NOW IT’S TIME FOR TRUST FALLS AND BLINDFOLDED ESCAPE PUZZLES!”

“Oh no,” I muttered.

“Oh yes,” he beamed.