A very deep and growly voice asked from the direction of the kitchen.

“What did you just say?”

Oh crap, it’s Jiro.

“Eeek!”

Once Noah laid eyes on Jiro he squeaked and flinched so hard he nearly fell over. I would like to say that Noah was just being a wimp, but honestly this was the reaction most people had when they first met Jiro.

Jiro (Jeer-oh) Usunagi/DeFortuna

Eternal Age: 32

Height: 6.2

Build: tall, very muscular, brawny

Hair: bald with head tattoos

Eyes: dark brown

Skin: very light tan

Nationality: Japanese/Italian

Looks: scary

Job: ex-mobster, Italian Chef

Maybe it was his dark scary eyes? Maybe it was because he was so tall and muscly? Maybe it’s the way he always cocked his head to the side like a street thug and always looked like he wanted to kill somebody? Or, maybe it was the head tattoos?

Yeah, it was probably the head tattoos.

Jiro was completely bald, with a swirling Japanese wood block style tattoo that crawled up the side of his chest, shoulder, and neck to cover one side of his head. It was a white tiger with one paw reaching up to wrap around Jiro’s jaw, it’s black claws bared. Most of what people could see was actually a dark red flower pattern that surrounded the Tiger.

Wearing his white tank top, and slacks, Jiro looked exactly like what he had been, a mobster. He was a chef now, but when I met Jiro at fifteen, he had still been in the family, and by family, I mean the mob.

Uncle Jiro was the second human zombie I had ever raised. I had been called in by the Feds to re-raise a zombie that a gang had been trying to get info out of, but the Feds raided the gang’s hide out and now they wanted to use that zombie as a key witness. That meant wipe and revive. After Jiro had given his statements, they just kind of cut him loose. And that’s how I got him.

When he woke up he believed that I was his niece, or rather I was the daughter of his best friend/adopted brother who’s dying wish was for Jiro to watch over his children. When I asked Jiro about our backstory that only existed in his head, it was all very dramatic, like straight out of some kind of mobster’s soap opera. The fact that my mom and dad’s spirits were floating right there, and neither of them knew Jiro didn’t seem to change his story in the least.

That’s okay, I loved my Uncle Jiro, so if he wanted to believe that we were together because of some sappy telenovela story, than he could go ahead and think that.

I might have revived Jiro, but he’s the one who saved me. He’s protected me and supported me so many times over the years. I honestly don’t think I would be alive today without him.

The thing about Jiro was, he really didn’t like surprises or outsiders. I kind of wanted to talk to him about Noah one-on-one and then slowly introduce them.

Yeah, that’s not happening.

Jiro had his head cocked to one side and was pointing a cleaver at Noah as he talked.

“You. What did you just say?”

Oh shit, he has a cleaver again. Seriously, where does he get all these cleavers from? I swear, every time Jiro gets pissed, he always seems to have a cleaver in his hands. He must stash them around the house or something.

Noah had his shocked bunny eyes on again and he was looking between me and Jiro a little too fast.

“Wha-what did I say?”

I tried to whisper out of the side of my mouth.

“The girlfriend thing? Why did you say girlfriend?”

Noah couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the cleaver in Jiro’s hands.

“Wha-what? N-no, Kari is just a girl that happens to be a friend, I mean a friend that happens to be a girl. W-we’re totally just friends.”

Angie looked me up and down.

“So what kind of pervy spell did you put on him, huh? Finally decided to make yourself a little boy-toy to keep you company at night?”

Jiro’s wrath turned to Angie.

“Angie, we need to talk in the kitchen.”

But Angie was on a roll and wasn’t about to stop for a knife toting mobster.

“How does mommy and daddy firefly feel about getting to watch –“

“ANGIE. KITCHEN. NOW.”

The veins on the back of Jiro’s hands were bulging a bit as he gripped the cleaver handle.

Jiro might have not been happy about the sudden appearance of Noah, but he had zero tolerance for anyone abusing me.

Angie gave Jiro a bored look, but turned and stomped off to the kitchen, muttering.

“Seriously, Jiro. Kari’s never going to grow up if you always treat her like a fragile baby all the time.”

Oh crap, I knew exactly what they were going to talk about, and it wasn’t Angie’s shitty attitude. Jiro had no problem chewing her out in front of everyone over that. Nope, if he was taking Angie aside to talk quietly, that meant it was something he hadn’t seen a million times already.

We watched them stomp off to the little kitchen that was to the side of the living room. The only thing dividing the kitchen from the living room was a tall bar like counter thing that we all ate around and a flimsy wall with a huge pass-through window dividing the kitchen area from the rest of the apartment. So there was like nothing keeping us from hearing the whole conversation that I really wanted to avoid.

Noah stared after them.

“Are they going to be okay?”

“Yup, totally fine. Let’s watch some TV.”

I grabbed Noah by the elbow and steered him towards the giant couch on the other side of the room.

The couch was big and lumpy, and the arms were sagging on both sides. There were tears here and there where stuffing was coming out, and the whole thing was dusted with a fine layer of chip crumbs and other grunge. It was dumped in front of our great big TV. The TV wasn’t new or anything, it was just kind of big. To finish out the set, we had an ugly recliner chair covered in a kind of brown carpet like fabric and an olive green footstool that everyone used for sitting on instead of feet. The only nice thing in the whole room was a big, square coffee table that had come from Jiro’s old condo, back before he met me and became super poor. It was lacquered black and still shiny even after all the use we had given it.

I plopped myself down on the couch and patted a spot next to me.

“Come on, relax.”

Noah gingerly lowered himself down onto the uneven couch cushions next to me.

“Your couch smells like gummy worms.”

I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and clicked on the TV.

“Yeah, there’s probably a lot lost in the cushions. Just try to avoid the sticky spots.”

While I was busy looking for distractions, I could hear the gentle rumblings of Jiro’s hushed voice in the background. Of course, he was careful to not talk loud enough to be over heard. Angie, on the other hand, she wasn’t the hushed voice kind of person.

“What?! When did that happen?!”

Jiro murmured more of a reply.

Angie snapped back.

“This morning? Well, why didn’t you call people?”

Volume. Definitely need to up the volume on the TV.

I mashed the button on the remote a few times. I didn’t really care what was on, I just wanted it to be loud.

Angie squawked.

“Oh my gods, Jiro! Oh my gods!”

Jiro’s voice rumbled some more.

Angie’s voice just kept getting louder and louder.

“How was I supposed to know? I mean, I noticed they weren’t there anymore, but I thought they were just in another room or something.”

More volume, need more volume!

I beat the sound button on the remote some more.

Damn it, why is this stupid nature show so quiet?

I couldn’t hear the tones of Jiro’s deep voice anymore over the roar of the TV, but Angie was still loud and clear.

“No, this isn’t just a Kari thing, this is a whole family thing.”

“ . . . . . . . . .”

“What are you talking about? Of course, I wouldn’t have said that to her if I had known!”

Frantically clicking the buttons on the remote, I started flipping through the channels looking for something that would be loud enough to even drown out Angie.

Noah was holding a finger in one ear and wincing, he had to almost yell to be heard over the TV.

“Kari? Is everything alright?”

I slapped a smile on my face before I turned to him.

“What? Yeah, everything is fine. Totally great!”

After all my clicking on the remote, I finally found a game show with lots of blinky lights and sirens going off whenever contestants did something right.

Finally something obnoxious enough to make reality go away.

Thankfully, Jiro and Angie’s conversation didn’t last long.

Jiro stayed in the kitchen, probably to keep working on dinner, but Angie hesitantly came over. She slowly lowered herself onto the green footstool, watching me as if I might suddenly explode or something.

“Wow, it’s a little loud, don’t you think?”

I clicked the buttons of the remote still in my hand, returning the volume to human hearing.

In the time it took Angie and Jiro to finish talking, I had pretty much given up on any shred of the lie that everything was fine, and was now curled up on the couch with my knees tucked under my chin and my arms wrapped around me. My eyes were focused really hard on the TV screen.

I could see Angie nervously jiggling one knee out of the corner of my eye.

“Kari? I’m really sorry for being so mean to you earlier.”

Angie shifted in her seat again.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Not today.”

I kept my eyes veeeeeery focused on the screen in front of me.

Oh, wow, this carpet cleaner commercial looks super interesting. Super, super interesting.

Angie scootched forward in her seat, leaning out to put her head in the path of my vision.

“Kari?”

I guess Angie finally got that I wasn’t going to let anything break my laser focus.

Angie’s voice was strangely quiet, and uncertain.

“Okay, I’ll let you watch your TV then.”

Angie got up and wandered away.

Good, at least I could get a moment of relief. I knew it wasn’t going to last long, but I would take whatever escape I could get for as long as it lasted.