I look over to the lake on our right. I’m almost blinded for a moment since the sun was lighting up the surface so brightly at this point in the day. It’s probably not so good for my eyes to do it, but I stare long enough for them to adjust just enough so I could watch the light ripple with the water. It’s kinda my favorite thing when looking at water, I guess. The light is like a guide for the little waves in the water, teaching them their own dance. There’s a silhouette of one of the little boats and two people in it, but I can’t make anything out. I’m not sure if it’d be a total mood-breaker to ask, but wanting to know why he thought it’d be a good idea to ask me to come here is itching at me. I look away from the shadowy couple and the lake and look at Simon.

“Hey, I’ve got a question,” I begin. I guess Simon was a little zoned out for a moment, too, because he sprung back to life when I started talking to him again. He does that a lot, the checking out thing, I’ve noticed.

“Sure!”

“Er, I guess…” Don’t sound like an asshole, don’t sound like an asshole. I legitimately just wanna know. “Well, uh–”

“Why’d I pick you?” What the…? Man, he sure does that a lot- finishing my thoughts for me- and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. I guess anyone could’ve seen that coming though, right? I must’ve made a face or something, because Simon’s giggling again.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” I confirm.

“Easy- I like you!”

I just raise an eyebrow. 

“What, don’t believe me? Did you wanna hear ’’Cause I knew you’d say yes?’”

Shoot, I thought I was a pretty blunt person. I started rubbing the back of my neck and feeling a little guilty. I’m like, becoming more and more aware that he knows what I thought of him all this time. Somehow, when you realize that the person knows how you really feel… then you start feeling bad for feeling that way. It’s like somehow the awareness you didn’t think they had humanizes them that much more, or something. They’re not just some clueless idiot that exists purely to get on your nerves or inconvenience you. That’s not them. That’s not Simon. I hear him speak up again.

“I suppose saying ‘easy’ was a touch misguiding. I have plenty of reasons.”

“Yeah? But I’m so—”

“Honest with me?”

“—mean to you- what?”

“I think it’s funny! You’re not like that with all the other buggers. I remember that one fellow that had a huge row about the temperature of his drink. He was like- what was he like? He was like, ‘Christ, what are you serving here?’” His attempt at an American accent was so bad, I had to laugh. And yeah, I do remember that guy. “‘You tryin’ to cook my tongue? Not only is your stuff shit but now I have an ER visit.’ Right, sorry for making your order exactly as you asked- ‘extra hot,’ in your words- they’ll give you the remedial ice and you’ll be right as rain. Go on, then.”

Hey, unwarranted sass is my thing, but it was funny to hear from him. Considering I don’t even remember him being there (I probably just tried to block him out or something), I can’t believe he remembered that! I laughed again, his flat delivery really did something for me, I guess. He let me talk about a few more customer interactions, and we exchanged what we wished we could say for each scenario, laughing through our sentences. He has a chittery, more reserved laugh and then this sort of crackling guffaw that he does if something really amuses him. He’s so unafraid of showing his joy; it’s so cool. He’s actually pretty funny, and I’m just now realizing his voice is a lot more tolerable. Either it’s because his vocal chords had more time to warm up because it’s later in the day, or it’s just that he himself is just a little less annoying than I thought he was. It’s probably both; I swear he sounds a little different, but I also know that I tend to let more things that would usually bother me slide when I… er, not like or even really enjoy the person, but if I deem them to not be a total nuisance. You know? You know.

We’re crossing one of the wooden bridges, relaxed from our vent sesh and looking over the water. I’m a little alarmed when Simon gasps.

“What’s up?” I barely finish asking when he suddenly speeds off. “Wait- hey!” I follow him without thinking. I really hope he didn’t just find something terrible. It has been suspiciously long since I’ve seen another dead person, but I really wish I didn’t have to think that way.

“Ever, come look!” I am, I am! He’s real quick for someone with shorter legs, not that I’m that much taller. I turn the corner and see him kneeled in front of the edge of the lake. His face is pretty close to the water, and I almost reach out my hand to pull him back just a bit, but that might be kinda weird. Plus, I don’t want him to think I don’t think he can handle himself (okay, maybe I’m still not fully convinced of that). I come up to his side and crouch a safe distance away. The water is pretty, and I never noticed how clear it really is. Breaching the surface is a tiny little turtle’s head, and I swear it’s looking into Simon’s eyes like they’re communicating or something. The little guy is adorable- the turtle, I mean- and another one joins his side. In fact, several more varying sizes of turtles are coming our way. They probably think we have food for them. The turtles are asynchronously waving their claws around, crashing into each other clumsily in the frenzy; it’s really a sight. Simon can barely contain himself and lets out a quiet, siren-like squeal. I’m losing a battle against a totally unwarranted smile.

This thing that’s been happening has been so draining. Everyone’s doing their best. Laila, Rhea… I know pretending that things are okay and normal isn’t the right move, but I don’t know what else to do. Joy has been such a difficult thing to find and it hardly comes naturally, but something about the past hour has been so easy to live in. There’s no way Simon doesn’t know about the suicide epidemic- it’s everywhere, and I know he isn’t stupid enough to not notice, and yet, here he is, choosing to take me of all people away from the doubt, the fear, my mistakes.

I hope I get to see him this happy more often after this. I never want to see him sad, ever. I think it’d kill me, now.