The elphie talked too much. Galya was her name, knee high like all her species, and covered from head to toe in the gray survey team uniform. Or rather, just covered, seeing as elphie’s didn’t have fingers or toes. They had rounded off arms and legs like a stuffed animal with heads slightly too big for their bodies and round eyes. Elphies kept everything covered save their face.

“What an absolutely marvelous specimen! The flora of this planet is simply singular, is it not? I do believe I can say with certainty that I have yet to discover anything like this! It is most peculiar that the flora has become the primary inhabitants of this planet, as both predator and prey in many cases. Do you suppose it has to do with the prolonged sunlight hours accompanied by a longer day?” Galya may have asked a question but, as the team learned, that didn’t mean she sought an answer.

Elado, the head researcher, precisely cut and preserved pieces of flora in our patrolled area. Galya, on the other hand, flew from stalk to stalk. Telekinetic types loved to show off, though arguably Galya had to use her abilities in her line of work. As small as she was, she could hardly see most of the flora, so fluttering about them was the best form of observation.

“We greatly appreciate all the work the militia has done thus far, Captain Malik. Simply superb, your findings! Over sixty species catalogued in your time here and all within a ten click radius of the habitat. My, we will be positively flushed with work, that we will! Although Vampire Fern, rather unimaginative, wouldn’t you say?” Galya hovered at Roys’ back, watching with those large, unblinking pink eyes.

“I suppose it is, Doctor. I am sure you will change the name to something far more appropriate,” Roys replied.

“That we will!” Galya zipped across the jungle to hover by Elado where the two discussed their specimens.

We had been in the same location for hours standing around. That morning, the survey team split into teams of two. The mineralogist and geologist stayed in a team surrounded by six militia because they were taking the rover out further than the others. The remaining survey team and militia split up to investigate the surrounding area.

Maddy was there, standing in the communal area controlling a cart of survey equipment. Roys didn’t put us on the same team. She left with another botanist. We didn’t talk. She didn’t look at me. I wasn’t sure if I was grateful.

I definitely wasn’t grateful to Roys, nor stupid to his plans putting us on the same team. He wasn’t subtle in his scrutiny, the quick glances feigning to check on the scientists before drifting to me. Wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to lose it again, so he kept me on a short leash. Bastard.

Elado and Galya took to the northern side of the habitat. We wandered around the outer edge of the perimeter until they settled on a primary location. Bringing out their tools, they snipped and stored piece after piece to set in their supply cart. The cart hovered by them, operated by their commlinks, all of ours if we wanted, but Elado had control and sent the cart back to the habitat where the droids retrieved the specimens before the cart returned to us.

In short, it was fucking boring and I needed anything other than boring. Being bored meant thinking. Thinking meant remembering. Remembering brought anger, an itch I couldn’t scratch, worsening every second, every moment having to remind myself not to thrash out.

“I hope we don’t patrol with her everyday. She’s giving me a headache,” Arana said, having wandered closer so she could whisper without the brainiacs hearing. I hummed. “Suppose anyone has told her she talks too much? I think someone had to and it makes me wonder if she used to be worse.”

“Hope my luck hasn’t run out and maybe one of the flora will eat her, so we won’t have to worry about it,” I replied.

Arana laughed though she pressed her lips together wearing that same look the others shared, that Roys had, that they were wearing around me, acting like I was a ticking time bomb.

“Stop that,” I said between clenched teeth.

“What?”

“Making that stupid face. Stop acting like you’re waiting for something to happen.”

Arana tilted her head. “That’s kind of why we’re here, in case something happens?”

“With me, dumbass.”

“Something already did happen, seeing as you’re a moody little prick today.”

“I’m a moody prick everyday.”

“Yeah, but usually you’re at least funny. Now you’re mopey.” She checked that Roys had his back to us then came closer. “What happened yesterday in the lab?”

“You asked me that last night and I didn’t answer.” She asked at least twenty times before I stormed out of the room. I almost went to Roys’ office before knocking on some other sucker’s door. Didn’t help my thoughts any, didn’t help me sleep, but at least there was no one there to ask questions.

“I was hoping you’d be more inclined to answer today.”

“I’m not, so stop with this shit.”

Roys, as if sensing a disturbance, turned. He gave a warning glare. Arana stepped back into position. His attention fell on me, wearing that thin lipped look. I gave him the finger. Rolling his eyes, he turned away. Even staring at his ass couldn’t put me in a good mood.

Taking off my visor, I pulled out a smoke and turned my back to the scientists chattering on and on about sap and photosynthesis and something to do with reproduction. The jungle was quiet when I wished it wasn’t. I let the burning ashes fall over the flora, wishing they’d take to light. Even took my lighter out to burn a hole in one or two but the sap cut off the flames quickly.

A hand gripped my wrist.

“Are you trying to start a fire?” Roys asked. The visor made his voice come out slightly warped.

“Yes, it would be more entertaining than standing here listening to them.” I nodded over my shoulder toward the survey team that was none the wiser. They were entirely fixated on using a much larger scanner from their cart to take more detailed information from the flora.

“Am I going to be able to trust you to do your job?” he asked.

“You should never trust me to do that.”

Roys held my wrist tighter, brought it closer toward his chest where his heat spread through my fingertips. His attention strayed to Arana dozing off while standing up. Ryker had his back to us, flipping the handle of his laser blade in all kinds of ways that could lose him more than a finger. Zavir watched the scientists, seemingly interested in their findings. Then Roys was on me again, his eyes a brilliant blue under the light.

“Are you ok—”

“Don’t,” I growled because that wasn’t what he was around for.

He was our captain, meant to give orders I would ignore. He was a fuck buddy, meant to entertain when I was bored. He wasn’t there to care, to act like any moment I would break and he would be there to pick up the pieces.

The fool kept trying. “If you want to talk.”

I yanked my wrist hard. “I don’t, so fuck off.”

He held tighter and that push had him seeking revenge for all the times I kept pushing. “I didn’t know you had a sister. A successful one at that.”

The mention of her made my teeth grind. “You are getting awfully curious about me, captain.”

“Curious what you’re doing here and she’s doing there.”

“Guess she got the brains of the lot.”

“You think rather lowly of yourself. I hadn’t expected that.”

I rolled my eyes. “And I hadn’t expected you to think so highly of me just because I gave good head, yet here we are.”

His grip on my wrist became painful, a warning that had me chuckling.

“I never was rewarded,” I said, making him narrow his eyes. “For the patrol. You said if I behaved I’d get a reward.”

“You didn’t exactly behave, nor are you now.”

“Then maybe I should be disciplined instead.” I winked.

He gave no reaction, just stood there, like he was disappointed, like I was the problem that needed fixing. “Should I schedule you with her tomorrow?” he asked.

My fingers twitched. He felt it, had to with his hand on my wrist. I pulled away, shoving my elbow against his chest to put space between us.

“You’re the captain,” I said, breathing in the last of my cigarette and flicking the bud at our feet.

Scowling, Roys crushed it with his boot before picking it up to shove in my hand.

“Don’t litter,” he said. “And stop smoking. It’s no good for you.”

“That’s kind of the appeal.”

Roys returned to his station where he stayed until the survey team dubbed their specimens thoroughly filled and had us escorting them back. The others thought the same, or they were following the same clock, but there was Maddy, breaching the energy shield to walk through the field. The cart followed beside her, full of specimens. She spoke with the man beside her, what I thought to be a human but when the suns hit him right, realized he was a rudhe.

Rudhe were the closest species to humans, even capable of having kids. The few differences between us were the length of our limbs, with full blooded rudhe’s being slightly elongated, and pale stripe-like patterns along their bodies. They almost looked like they were tattooed and Tobs were nearly the same shade as his brown skin.

“Lucky,” Ryker called, making me realize I stopped.

He nodded toward the habitat and I followed, trying to pick up the pace so Maddy and I wouldn’t make it to the door at the same time. Didn’t really work. We were going to pass each other one way or the other, so I turned and walked around the back of the habitat.

Falling against the habitat, I slid to the ground, chest heaving. My visor kept blinking, warning of my pulse. The noise annoyed me. I ripped the visor off and wiped at my brow. The sweating had less to do with the heat and more to do with the nerves that had my hands shaking. I clenched them so tight they ached, pounded my temples with my fist and sat there, head on the legs pulled up to my chest.

She shouldn’t be here, but she was.

She shouldn’t be alive, but she was.

We didn’t have to talk. Even if Roys scheduled us, my job was to stand around and shoot shit, if need be. She could do her work, the work I couldn’t understand how she got, and I could do mine. Three months wasn’t that long. She’d spend most of her time in the lab, so I didn’t even have to see her.

It was fine. We would be fine.

I stood, taking a breath that did nothing to settle the itch. I went to circle the habitat when Maddy came around the corner, her eyes like wildfire.

“Running again?” she asked.

Maddy wasn’t a ghost anymore, not a haunting of the mind. Real and tangible and there, glaring at me, nothing but a ball of hate. She curled her hand in her right pants’ leg and tugged. There, above her knee, she pressed her thumb against the skin. Artificial skin as the prosthetic buzzed and popped open enough to reveal the metal beneath.

“Nice piece, ain’t it?” She clicked the skin again, a button, and the prosthetic clicked into place.

She winced from the nerve endings taking their place. We knew plenty of people at the Colony with prosthetics. None as nice as that, but they followed the same general idea connecting the nerves so you still felt all the way down to your toes, made the prosthetic easier to use.

“Got the option of a regrowth about a year back, though doctors told me there was a high probability the growth wouldn’t take, seeing as I lost this so long ago.” She dropped her pant leg and stepped closer. “I saw no reason to try. My prosthetic works well enough, ain’t that much different from having my leg, although it doesn’t make me any less pissed at you.”

I couldn’t meet her eyes so I stared at the ground. “Why? I didn’t shoot the damn thing off.”

“Yeah, but you figured I wasn’t worth much without it.”

There was the dagger-like tongue I knew so well, the one that cut patrons deep when they got handsy, that made the boss laugh enough that he forgave her for anything. Never thought she would use it on me one day. Never thought I would see her again, either.

“You left me,” she said, simple, efficient in the worst of ways.

My teeth tore into my sore cheek. Blood filled my mouth. “What would you have had me do?”

“Not fucking leave me there!” She closed the gap between us, shorter than me and yet bigger in every way. Her hand caught in the collar of my shirt, bringing me to her level, forcing me to look into her eyes of rage. “We promised to always have each other’s backs. You broke that promise.”

I had to take a moment to compose myself otherwise my voice would have been a whimper. “We both would have died had I stayed. Is that what you wanted?”

“I wanted my brother not to leave me behind.”

“You would have done the same.”

She laughed, bitter as could be. After all this time, we found each other, but I never felt further from her.

“Is that how you got by all these years?” she asked. “Kept telling yourself lie after lie, ignoring reality so you can sleep better at night.”

“Sex, mostly,” I muttered because I couldn’t think of what else to say.

I hated me too.

Maddy shoved me, her hand falling in her hair, brushing it away from her flushed cheeks. “You’re real fucking pathetic.”

“What do you want me to do? Beg?” I fell on my knees, hands clasped. “Oh Maddy, Maddy please, please forgive me. I should have stayed behind and died with you. Won’t you ever forgive me?”

She slapped me. Hard. My cheek rang with pain, worse when she smacked me again, sending me toppling over. I wanted that because I deserved it, deserved far more, honestly. I wanted her to kick me, to punch me, to strangle the life out of me because that’d be easier than any of this.

I wanted to feel anything else.

She stood over me, red palm raised for another blow. But she lowered that hand and used her words, “I wish you were dead.”

She knelt on one knee, her eyes colder than ever as she held my neck like she did when we were kids. On the nights when we were cold and hungry, had nothing to get us by, she hugged me and sang. Horribly, but Dad liked to sing. A little nightly routine when he would tuck us in, if he was home, and sing a little song just for us.

I’d never hear that again from either of them.

“I thought you were dead all these years,” she whispered, looking at me as if she, too, saw a ghost. “After those fuckers dragged me off, I thought you would find a way to save me, but you never did, so it only made sense that you were dead. You needed to be, otherwise that meant you left me and you didn’t bother to think of getting me out. That made your memory easier.” Her grip on my neck bruised me. “Deep down, I think I knew it wasn’t true but didn’t want to face it because then that meant you were… this. Pathetic.”

Letting go, she stood, spat on my back, and walked away. I sat there, face stinging, chewing my cheeks until I imagined that all I would ever know was the taste of copper.

I knew I’d dream of it that night. I just didn’t think it’d be the real thing.