I woke up to my wife Rin standing over me. She was crying — again. 

Her usually meticulously applied lashes were clumped together, and her eyes were seemingly bloodshot. 

Boy, someone must have done a number on her this time.

This wasn’t abnormal for her, though, especially as of late. She had recently moved to a new company, and between being new, and wanting to make a good impression on everyone, it wasn’t odd that I’d pick up the phone at lunch only to be greeted by her heartbreaking little sobs. The slight background echo always indicated that she'd hidden herself in a bathroom.

“I…[hic]...just can’t do it. Susan asks me for one thing, so I do it, but then I’m late and Karen just...screams at me. I just can’t win. I just want to go home...”

“Well when you come home, I’ll have a nice warm dinner cooked for you, and we can cuddle on the couch and watch TV…okay?”

“[hic]...Okay…I’ll see you tonight, honey. I love you.” 

“I love you too.” I’d respond with a chuckle.

These kinds of conversations between us have become all too common these days.

And so, I hate her workplace.

Her bosses are just nasty. She’d get coffee for the office at Susan’s request (a set-up if you ask me), only to get back and receive a scolding from Karen that was hotter than the Americanos she struggled to carry in both arms. 

Talk about unreasonable. And she’d still drink the coffee anyway!

If anything, though, I should come clean and say that I hate myself for being unable to work lately.

A few months back, I had a health scare and wound up in the hospital for a while. 

Pneumonia. It was terrible. For both me and Rin.

My company was going into liquidation, so I was going to be laid off anyway, but Rin…she lost her job because of me. 

While I was interned, my health took a rapid nosedive. Naturally, Rin wanted to spend more time with me, but being a lawyer didn’t allow her so much freedom. They offered some leave-exchange option where she could trade with a coworker, but no one else was willing.

By the end of my hospital stay, things were far different. I’d kicked the pneumonia, and she, her job. 

“I can always get another job, but never another you!” she said. 

I’ve always been convinced that she’s made of the rarest, best stuff, and had we not already been married, I would’ve proposed then and there. She’s a hopeless romantic...and as delicate as a kitten.

The day I proposed, we walked around our local park, and her eyes were misty because it was the first time we’d seen a sunset together in years. Somehow, though, these tears seemed different. Her eyes looked...defeated.

I looked around briefly.

‘Looked’ isn’t exactly the right word, but in my current state, I just tried to make sense of my surroundings, because this didn’t quite feel like my bed. Soft and warm were the clothes I was in, but the bed? Hard as a rock.

“What’s wrong, honey?” I tried to ask. Despite my efforts, I couldn’t get any words out.

Ha…also typical.

I’m not a morning person. 

My eyes always felt like they needed one of the world’s strongest prescriptions just to acclimate to the light, and talking was a lost cause. We'd often laugh over our morning coffee about what I’d say while half asleep. Sometimes, the trailing remnants of dreams would slip out, or worse, a muffled, guttural groan followed by atomic flatulence would be my response to her wake-up call.

I tried clearing my throat and asking her again.

“Honey? What’s wro—?”

“Mrreww!”

Ahh, the cry of a kitten. One of the most soothing sounds. Maybe we should go see how that stray next door is doing today? I’m sure that would cheer her up—

Hang on. 

Why would there be a kitten here? In our bed? Did she bring one? That would be a surefire way to get my attention.

Ah, maybe that’s what she’s so emotional about! The pregnant stray that lived in the alley between us and next door must have given birth! Oh, I can’t wait to go and see them!

I suddenly gained a more heightened awareness, sobering up a bit. Usually, a few minutes staring at the ceiling will do it, but the lights this morning were as bright as the sun, so I got myself up and out of bed. 

I looked around, taking in what little I could see. Though my eyes had adjusted, I was seeing and feeling the weirdest things.

Lorikeets chirped just above my head and to the rear — I could almost feel them looking down on me. The smell of Rin’s perfume stung my nostrils.

God! That’s strong. Has it always been like that? And since when were we outside?

A gentle breeze blew across my face, forcing my eyes shut, and the ambience of traffic from the street over floated on the back of the wind.

Perhaps the weirdest thing of all, though, was that I felt...weightless. Sure, standing up in the morning too suddenly can make you dizzy, but this was certainly a new feeling.

I grew closer to my wife’s face, who was now, just an arm’s length away. The lights blazed behind her black hair, making the outer strands shimmer a deep red. Along with her eyes, her hair looked majestic when the light hit it in certain ways.

My wife, now face to face with me, spoke for the first time.

“...I wish you were here to see this, Taka.” She said as she choked on her tears, her lower lip quivering. She wore a plain black suit. It looked a little different from her usual work attire. 

“What’s wrong? Hun?” I asked, “I’m right here! Tell me!”

"..."

“Hun? Why are you crying?”

“Mrew! Mrreww!”

Just where is that sound coming from? 

She sobbed even harder.

I glanced around a little more.

Convinced that I was probably still mid-dream, I decided to just go along with it. The hospital said that antibiotics could do this kind of thing to you, after all.

Scouting out my surroundings, I lifted my head in an arc from left to right when I realised I was surrounded by trees. Their leaves were dark green and thick to the touch. During winter, they were especially profound. I recognised them. These were Camellia trees.

In winter, whilst others around them died, Camellias bloomed, producing the most radiant pink flowers—some of which I'd given to Rin just a week ago for our anniversary. Seven flowers for seven years. 

“I love any kind of flower!” she'd reassured me—after I’d forgotten the hand-picked bouquet of white roses on the train home. Thankfully, these Camellia trees lined our street, and a few of them bloomed outside the small alley adjacent to our house.

It wasn’t much, but I was able to muster a few good ones together and give them to her. I was just glad to see her smile. She had the patience and compassion of a saint. She was the real flower.

…

But...what am I doing out here?

And why do all of these beautiful Camellia trees now look so plain…and grey? I wondered.

I looked down towards my feet and saw nothing but my wife’s hands.

“Okay. Rin. What’s going on? Why aren't you talking? Please! Answer me!” I pleaded, now concerned and trying to break the dream’s spell on me.

“Mreww! Mreeeew!”

Where is that cat's voice coming from?! And what's wrong with Rin?! Is this a sleep paralysis episode or something?!

Overwhelmed, I tried to sit back down on the bed and lost my balance. I saw Rin’s face disappear from my vision, her unbelievably large hand reaching after me as her facial muscles strained in shock.

I tumbled towards the ground, feeling the pits of my stomach drop — the same which one experiences when they fall in dreams. 

In the distance, the blood-boiling sound of screeching rubber echoed. 

I winced in pain, anticipating the impending impact.

I continued my freefall when suddenly, I felt like I’d met the ground. It felt like I'd kissed it, almost.

Rin gasped sharply. She was still reaching after me, but stopped just short, with both of her hands shaking and fussing around my body. Wiping her eyes, she assessed the damage, much to her horror.

I followed suit. 

I looked down, unconvinced, checking if my feet were alright, and right there beneath my torso, stood two, terribly malformed feet. The meowing of the cat nearby stopped. 

The pit in my stomach returned at the sight beneath me.

Silence. I couldn't even hear Rin anymore.

Looking at my own…appendages, I started to realise exactly what was going on. As hard as it was to believe. 

This was fur. 

The fur…of a black cat.

My legs were stumpy, and my coat was still very new.

I hadn’t been sleeping.

I was dead. 

I wasn’t hearing a cat’s voice… 

I remembered what had transpired just a week earlier. 

The screech of the car’s tyres as I hurriedly pulled into our street. 

The terrified, golden eyes of the pregnant black stray caught in the glare of my headlights. 

The cinematic sequence, which unravelled before my eyes. 

The final image of Rin’s face…before I careered into this Camellia tree that towered above my new form.

Recalling that night, the deafening sounds of locked-up tyres and crunching metal flooded my entire head. I recoiled in pain, as I woke up to the real reason for my wife’s tears.

No longer a husband to this distraught woman in front of me, I had become but a small, black cat. Alone and confused; born between the alleyway of life and death. Today was my funeral.

...

Rin knelt to my level and began softly petting me on the head whilst apologising. She fussed over me, checking my body over with her eyes and hands for injuries. She looked so worried. Like she'd lost something again.

After realising I wasn't hurt, she picked me up gently, cradling me again in her hands. This time, she held me closer to her chest so I wouldn’t fall.

I could feel her heart beat faster as she spoke.

“Taka…would’ve loved to see you, little one…"

Looking me in the eyes, she welled even more. Now that I was closer, I could see her much better. Red rings of irritated skin scratched the perimeter of her eyes, and dark bags hung from underneath.

"We’re both the same now, right? [hic]...Alone…”

Ah, so the mother didn't make it in the end. We both took care of that stray as much as possible, but she looked to be in pretty bad shape the last few weeks. Her pregnancy must’ve taken everything from her—even my siblings.

“I may not be any substitute for your mother, but if you’ll let me…I promise I'll give you everything,” Rin continued.

“I’ll give you all the love that I possibly can. All the love I wanted to give Taka…all the love…I can’t give myself right now…"

Please don't say that. I'm still here.

“...but just…please sleep with me every night...okay? Don’t go anywhere…okay? [hic]”

“Your fur...reminds me of him.”

My heart broke for us both, as she looked at me in the eyes, longing for some kind of response. True, she always commented on how soft my hair was.

Each passing word of hers hammered into me that this was a nightmare I'd never wake up from.

But, if that was the case, then I'd do everything I could to let her know I was here. Even if the me as she knew it, was gone, I promised her I'd always be with her.

"In sickness and in health...in life...and in death," we said.

Though futile, I had to say what I needed. I cried out to her heart, hoping she'd hear me.

“Honey! I’m still here! I love you, and I’m sorry! I’m so sorry...that I couldn’t make it home. I’m not going anywhere!”

“Mreww! Mrewww!”

Rin gazed at me…it was almost like she could see me. Her eyes softened, the pain behind them seeming to ebb. She broke out into a soft smile.

“I’ll take that, as a yes? You’ll come home with me?” Rin inquired, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket.

I nuzzled my head into her chest.

Yes. Let's go home.

"Taka..." she continued, "are you there?"

Tears began streaming from her cheeks as she looked towards the sky, briefly taking in the beauty of the Camellia flowers in full bloom.

Yes. I'll always be here.

“...Right, then. Come on, little one. Let’s get you inside.”

"I just thought of your name." 

“I’ll call you…”

“Taka.”

...