Chapter Nine

“It’s all I ever wanted.”

I decided to take a walk.

Down the lavender road, like a madman. My head dizzy, legs sore, and sweating off every last bit of liquid in my body.

So many stores under the white synthetic shophouses.

There’s not a living soul here… how did they all survive?

I wondered. My throat stuck together from dehydration, and I gagged.

The next building had a menu outside the entrance. I went in.

The diner was dark dark—everything black.

Seats and tables on either side, a bar counter at the end… like it was leading me.

I sat at the counter. Glass pots, huge iron spoons, and a silver sink.

A woman popped up from under the counter.

“Hey! It’s good to see you! What would you like?”

She handed me a menu. I couldn’t see or understand a single word on it.

“I—I don’t know…”

She let out a little giggle, then turned to make a drink.

I watched her.

She poured something white into a silver cup and carbonated it—I heard the sound of gas before she started shaking it.

Carbonated milk? I questioned myself.

She set it aside and started making a white foam. I listened to the spinning sound.

Then she took a clear glass out of the freezer, poured in the milk, and gently layered the foam on top.

“I usually make this for little ones who can’t drink,” she said, sliding the drink toward me.

I remember looking at it. The foam dripped down the sides. The liquid popped tiny bubbles, stinging my face.

I hesitated.

“What’s the matter, old man?”

The bartender asked.

So I took a sip.

I felt all my worries and tiredness… frozen.

They stopped vibrating. Stopped biting.

“Haha, you really should get used to more surprises, old man.”

I was outside the store. I headed home. I fell asleep—like a baby.

Another day, I was walking around the country again.

Before that, I was at the art school, begging for another chance. I didn’t succeed.

The further I walked, the fewer buildings and people I saw. 

The sun was bright—not hot, but warm. My surroundings were silent.

I was in a desert. Alone.

And the only thing beside me… was a diner.

I saw it from a distance, but it took forever to actually get there.

And I couldn’t help but complain about my outfit.

God, what was I wearing? Khaki pants? When do I ever wear long pants? A sweater vest? Come on. In Singapore? Really?

But anyway—I was in the diner.

The setting was very similar to the one on Lavender, with the lady. But this time it was bright. I could see it clearly.

What I thought was black was actually green—my favorite color.

Again, I felt like all my pain was gone.

This time, not just paused—gone.

I felt so light. I pulled out a chair and sat at the bar. The same lady. The same damn lady was behind the counter, like she’d been waiting for me.

“Nice to see you again, old man. Let’s share this pot of Earl Grey.”

She reached over and placed her hand on mine.

“And you don’t have to worry anymore. We can stay here forever.”

I looked—and was shocked.

My hands were all skinny, with visible black spots and loose skin.

The deep red tea waited. I smiled, poured myself a little cup, and offered one to the lady.

The strong aroma of the Earl Grey rose up to my consciousness.

I never liked Earl Grey. I always thought it was too strong.

But when I expected it to hit… it did.

And it wasn’t that bad. I felt so light—so light I started floating to the ceiling, looking down at myself.

Ahah… of course. I had gray hair, a small mustache, and long eyebrows—all neatly groomed.

Okay. WAIT—

I dropped back down, into my old body.

I looked into the reflection in the tea.

I was a child again. So young.

“I will see you,” the bartender said, petting my head.

I could feel her fingers—warm and gentle, like the sun there.

“But I want to stay here. Forever…”

But even I knew that wasn’t possible.

I’m sitting on my bed?

It’s not a dream?

Why am I awake and dreaming?

Was the last time just a dream too?

What’s going on with me?

Well, at least I’m an old man—not an old lady.

I still have an actual life to face.

[Chapter Gap]

“I want actions"

I talked to my mom over video. She’s not in the country.

Since I turned 15, we’ve been together less and less.

I told her I might fail.

And why did she seem so at peace with the fact that I’m like this?

“’Cause I know you. I know once you’ve set your mind on something, no one can talk you out of it. Not until you hit rock bottom. I can’t stop you, and I’m not going to. You’re young. Take risks.”

Even if the chances are slim, I’ve decided to try again,before I take my ticket to passing away.

I need to get into that school. Some way ,Somehow.

 got a part-time job walking dogs.its something I thought about way too much when I was little,yes I know I am still little but little litte.So I just went ahead and did it,the pay feels like charity work but at least I'm employed.

Signed up for an acting class with a Russian actress.She told me that I have great talent,not like it will help in anyway.

Yeah. I'm dying  and I can take risks.

Nothing I wouldn't do now.

(Yeah,it's been too dry,I ran out of funny juice,sorry my fellow readers if I even have any.To make up for it,let me drop a bomb;all descriptions about my mom are 100% accurate and inaccurate).