I slowly stir awake blinking my blurry eyes. I rub the crusties out of them from the all the crying yesterday and slowly look around the room.

It’s empty and my heart nearly sinks until I spot the post it note on West’s pillow.

“Still here :)

I decided to get up early to make us breakfast. Reminder therapy today.”

I breathe out a both relieved and anxious breath. I completely forgot that was happening today. I flopped back down in bed and groaned.

I had agreed to try therapy but I didn’t really think about what that would mean for me until now. I’m going to have to sit down with a stranger and explain everything Reid did to me. Again. Which is something I don’t think I’m ready for but West seemed so happy when I said I was willing to try.

My gut was just telling me I had to.

“You do,” that British voice spoke.

I sighed and dragged myself out of bed and padded to the bathroom and took in my reflection in the mirror as I ran a hand through my short hair.

I smiled lightly wondering when I’d ever get used to it. Looking like a boy. I let my eyes drag down to my torso and lifted the baggy sweater I was wearing. My skin was no longer covered in bruises but my stomach sunk in and my ribs were pretty visible. I recalled how West’s body looked when I found him cruising on his lilac surfboard. He had muscles and abs and a little bit of fat but it worked well with his stature.

He’s the definition of masculinity.

A pang of jealousy stung in my chest and I instantly felt shame for it. West has been helping me out so much, I can’t be mad at him for being more masculine than me. He probably worked hard to look the way he does. And I’ve worked to do the opposite. That’s why I’m like this.

I heard the sound of soft humming drift up the stairs. I let my sweater fall back down as I quietly made my way down the stairs and toward the kitchen where the source of the humming was.

I stopped in the door way and stared at the moment in front of me.

West’s brown skin was bathed in the beautiful glow of the morning light, he was shirtless and I followed the lines of his muscles down to the pair of deep purple checkered pajama pants he was wearing.

He swayed back and forth to the song he was humming as he cracked eggs into a bowl. Mr. Whiskers was sat on the counter next to him, his head bobbing as he watched each egg fall.

I soaked in the peaceful moment for a while before West turned and finally noticed me standing quietly in the doorway.

He froze for only a moment before a smile shines on his face, “Mornin’ Blue.” He continued on his way to the stove and set a pan on it, flicking the flame on.

Blue could’ve sworn he could feel the flame by the way his chest warmed up again.

“How’re you feeling?” West asked, as he dropped a piece of butter into the pan and moved it around.

I crossed my arms over my torso, “I don’t know,” I mumbled.

West set the pan down and looked over at me, “about yesterday or about today?”

I shrugged, “both I guess.”

“It’s a lot to think about. But that’s why it’ll be good to go and talk about it.” West said but that thought only made me anxious.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I muttered.

West poured the scrambled eggs into the pan and slowly moved them around, “that’s okay. Maybe you just talk about small things to get comfortable. We don’t have to lay everything out on the table today.” He looked toward me again, with a soft small, “just show up. That’s enough. If you decide you absolutely hate it, I won’t take you back.”

I breathed a little easier as I nodded.

🌊🌊🌊

We drove there in complete silence except for the low sound of the radio. I picked at the skin around my nails until they bled just slightly.

“We’re here,” West announced as he put the car in park.

I inhaled sharply but didn’t move.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and fiddled with the loose string on the sleeve of the navy sweater I borrowed from West.

Silence hung in the air for a minute before West spoke again.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can try again another day,” West assured but I could pick out the small hint of disappointment in his voice which seemed to be what I needed to push myself out of the car, through the front doors and right onto a soft sage green couch surrounded by white walls with paintings of flowers hung around the room.

But that’s where my confidence ran out. West was sat outside in the waiting room while I sat across from a female werewolf. She was petite and dressed in a brown coat over a burgundy oversized sweater with white pants and brown heeled boots.

I could hardly look at her as she shrugged off her coat. My eyes were glued to the brown carpet as I sat there tense with my sweaty hands clutching the edge of the couch.

“Brrr the weather was quite chilly this morning even for a werewolf. I reckon we’ll have a pretty snowy Christmas this year round.”

My heart picked up speed at the mention of the holiday and the bad memories surrounding it. I clutched my eyes shut, focusing on my breathing before I have a breakdown in front of this poor lady.

I heard her take a seat on the chair across from me. The sound of paper and pen clicking sounded before everything went quiet again, aside from the ticking from the clock on the wall.

“My name’s Cassandra,” the werewolf chimed, “I was born here in Riverstone and studied at Riverstone University where I got my master’s degree in supernatural psychology. I’ve been married to my partner Evelyn Solas for almost seven years. There’s a picture of her over there,” she pointed to the wall on the right.

I glanced over to see a picture of the two kissing in front of a medieval looking castle, both clad in knight armor. I looked back down at the floor.

“We have three foster children we’re working on adopting. Two of them are little twin pups. Their names are Holly and Jax. And our third is Gabe. He’s a merboy around your age.”

My eyes snap up to her, not quite making eye contact.

Another water shifter?

“How about you? What’s your name?”

I took a deep breath before mumbling, “Samuel.”

“And are you okay with me calling you by that name or would you prefer a nickname?”

I shrugged, “Blue would be better.”

“Blue,” she repeated as she scribbled in her notebook. “Well Blue, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Today is just going to be an introduction day. You can tell me more about yourself or ask some things you’d like to know about me. We can also discuss what you’d like to achieve out of these sessions. That alright with you?”

I nodded.

She delved into simple conversation giving me chances to input some of my thoughts, though they were short one word responses, it did help me relax a bit. Especially knowing that I wouldn’t have to talk about my past today.

“So Blue, I want you to be able to get the most out of these sessions. I want you to be able to walk out of here having a sense of accomplishment after every appointment. And for that to happen we need to be on the same page. Are there any specific goals you’d like to reach? Doesn’t matter how small or big they are. Like for example… getting out of the house more.”

I thought about it.

“Mm maybe get more comfortable with talking?”

Cassandra nodded enthusiastically, “that’s a good one. What else?” She encouraged.

“Confidence?”

“Wonderful.”

“Um also stopping panic attacks by myself.”

“Perfect, we can work on that one today. These are great goals Blue and if you think of some more, write them down so we can discuss a game plan to tackle them together.”

I nodded.

“I’m going to go ahead and teach you some breathing techniques to calm panic attacks, okay?”

I nodded.

“So my personal favorite one is a technique that usually helps to prevent a panic attack from occurring but it can also help during one. It’s called the five sense grounding technique. Ever heard of it?”

I shook my head no.

“It works like this. Go ahead and name five things you can see.”

I looked around the cozy office.

“The flower paintings. The white walls. The picture of you and your partner. The couch. The carpet.”

“Good. Now four things you can feel.”

“My clothes. The couch. My fingers. My necklace.” I clutched the compass in my hand.

“Three things you can hear?”

“The clock. The cars outside. The music in the waiting room.”

“Two things you can smell?”

West’s cologne clung to the sweater I’d borrowed from him and for a moment it was all I could smell. “Cologne. The candle.”

“Nice. Lastly, one thing you can taste.”

“The eggs I had this morning.”

“Yum. See? That wasn’t too hard and it forced your mind to only focus on your surroundings.”

I nodded and smiled at the clear headed feeling the exercise left me with.

“The next technique I have for you is called box breathing. I want you to take a deep breath and while you’re taking that breath, pretend to draw a box either with your finger or in your head and count each corner as you go. Once you finish drawing the box, release your breath and draw another box and repeat until you’ve calmed down.”

I followed her instructions feeling relaxed by the end of it like I had just meditated for the last few minutes.

“How do you feel?” Cassandra asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

She smirked, “accomplished?”

I smiled and nodded my head, yes.

Cassandra grinned and did a little fist pump, “alright!”

I left the room feeling a little proud of myself. It wasn’t much. But it was something.

🌊🌊🌊

My knee was bouncing up and down as I fidgeted with my hands, watching the second hand on the waiting room clock tick by like it was mocking me. Blue’s therapy appointment had gone overtime which made me worry even more. I’m really hoping it’s going well because if it’s not I’m afraid he won’t be open to trying it again.

This whole “Help Blue” plan I’d been clinging to like a lifeline hinged on today. If therapy didn’t work out, I didn’t know what I could offer him. And worse, I was scared he’d give up altogether.

The door to the office opened suddenly making my head snap up. Blue walked out looking a little lighter than when he had come in. He had a bashful smile on his face and there was no sign of tears in his eyes.

I shot to my feet. “How are you feeling?” I asked.

Blue nodded, then glanced at Cassandra with the tiniest flicker of pride in his eyes. “Accomplished…” He mumbled.

Cassandra was beaming as she spoke, “he did great today! I’d like to see him twice a week, but it’s really up to you, Blue.”

Blue looked to me for guidance. Those wide blue eyes searching my face like he was asking for permission. I gave him a small smile and a nod.

“That sounds fine,” he said softly, picking at his fingers.

I helped him schedule his appointments and soon we were back in the car, heading home.

“Hey, Blue. How do you feel about taking walks around town every once in a while?”

Blue, who seemed lost in his thoughts, glanced over at me with a shy smile, “I’d like that.”

My heart softened, “yeah?”

He nodded.

“We can go out on one today. I can walk you to your old apartment to pick up some of your things and then we can go to the bakery with the blueberry scones.”

And just like that, something shifted.

His shy demeanor was suddenly replaced by a wide-eyed sparkle of joy. His eyes brightened and he started bouncing in his seat and kicking his feet, “really really?!” He exclaimed, excitement and innocence coating his voice.

I blinked at the sudden change, caught completely off guard by the childlike glee.

Suddenly I wasn’t talking to Blue anymore. Not exactly, anyway.

Was this one of his alters?

Still, despite the questions floating around in my head I decided it’d be best to play along as I nodded enthusiastically.

This alter seemed like a child and I didn’t want to scare them by interrogating them on who they were. They may not even realize they’re an alter.

I’ll just take this slowly.

I watch as the alter’s jaw dropped and he clapped his hands still bouncing, “Blueberry scones are like my favorite ever.”

“We can get a whole bunch of sweets you can try there.” I said.

“How many?” They asked very seriously, making me laugh again.

I put on a mock serious face as I answered “Hmmm they have like a whole one hundred sweets.“

“That's like, every sweet in the whole world!” The alter yelled.

I laughed glancing at them. If sweets made them this happy I’ll start keeping a supply at my house. Hell, I’d open my own bakery.

They suddenly started pouting, their eyebrows furrowing in confusion as they tilted their head like they were listening to something.

“What is it?” I asked.

I watched them cross their arms and slump back in their seat, the light in their eyes dimming slightly, “I can’t have any sweets today…Kiara’s upset.”