Hey

Heya

How are you?

Like how are you?

Or how are you?

The second one.

Hmm..

No trouble.. I think everything is alright

 

Want me to ask how about you or just ignore asking for this time?

No, let's go ahead and ask about me if we're going the latter route

Lol

Okay

How are you?

Like really how are you.

Not too sure myself. It seems as though nothing in particular is wrong, which should mean that everything is perfectly fine. 

However, I feel uneasy and unsettled on some level, yet I cannot seem to pinpoint why

Mm..

I feel you.

So how do you cope with it?

I don’t

So you just let the uneasy and unsettled sensations eat at you?

Yeah most of the time

Does it ever get too overwhelming?

It does

And when it does, you just let it run its course?

Hmm

Yeah most of the time

And what of the other times?

I try to just leave it there to do my things

So in a way you try to suppress it?

Mm

Does it usually work?

Sometimes

And when it doesn't work?

I just stay in bed all day

And you do nothing?

Mm

Laying on bed

Room closed

Blinds closed

 

So you just shut yourself off for the

entire day?

Yeah

Do you eat or drink anything during this time?

Ummm

Not always

Does it ever get a bit much laying on your own in a dark room?

Yeah but it’s better this way

It's better than interacting with others?

Hmmmm

I guess so

Do you ever get lonely though?

Is lonely the right term..

Not lonely cuz I have people around me who I can talk to if needed

There is another term might be suitable

And what term do you believe to be suitable?

I don’t know

But it’s more likely I am the one who chose to stay alone

 

Even though you've got people around you that you could talk to?

Mm

So really it's more so a matter of choice than anything else?

Yeah I believe so

And you never feel like maybe you should reach out to those people instead?

I might feel

But I just believe it’s not the right time or thing to do

In a way you're trying to avoid potentially hurting them in some capacity, right?

Mm

Maybe

Or there could also be the case that you're trying to not burden others with your worries?

It is

But I do believe that people should share their own struggles to left it 

But it’s just I feel it’s not the time to share with any of them

 

And when do you think that time will

come?

Maybe never

So this unease and uneasiness that you feel, will you just let it linger within you throughout your entire life?

Would you?

In all honesty, I'm not sure. It's something I can't seem to shake off. 

But I believe that I do want it to go. I just can't pinpoint where exactly the trouble lies, or the source of the trouble. 

But I know that I don't want to have this unsettled and  uneasy feeling for the rest of my life

Good.

As long as that desire resides within you, things will unfold in your favor, sooner or later.

Even with no real direction or sense of exactly how to navigate these waters?

You still hold onto the will to navigate these waters.

That’s fine for now.

It’s enough.

 

And if everything remains the same even with this will that I hold?

Well,

the mere existence of a desire or a will won't magically alter anything. That's just how life works. 

But I’m talking about now.

As long as that will is smoldering within you, slowly, you’ll gather the strength to make a change and navigate your way through the labyrinth of yourself.

What if I lose sight of the flame? And that will of mine starts to dwindle, slowly but surely?

Well,

I don’t know about that.

I’m still looking

The flame, or the will? 

Both

All gone

Are you sure that it hasn't just diminished instead of fully dying out? Because if it had died out, would you be here with me, engaged in this conversation?

Hmm..

Even this interaction we're having right now can be seen as a form of navigating the labyrinth of oneself.

At the very least it's an attempt to do so. And even with the flame of your will not as prominent as it could possibly be it's still lit, isn't it?

Well..

Maybe

There's no maybe about it. 

Otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. 

Your spark is still glowing, and I think that's something to take solace in, don't you?

Oh..

Lol

Yeah that’s something

So don't discount it and don't downplay its significance. Instead, perhaps you should consider nurturing it to be just a tad bigger than it is now. 

Do you think you can do that?

What if I wanted it to die out

But you don't actually want that, correct? 

I think you know that you would be doing no one any favors if you just let it die out now, including yourself

Why? 

Because then that's it. It's over. 

You will never have to chance to grow. 

Your will continue to be dim and weak allowing your unrest and unease to stay within you 

Potentially getting even worse.

It's a terrible fate, not just for yourself but for everyone around you because they would have to witness their friend slowly fade away into nothing.

Hmm

So please, let the flame of your will grow stronger and brighter. 

Take baby steps if you have to, however slow they may be. 

But don't let it die out just yet

You too.

What about me?

That should be said to you too

But I don't feel like I have a flame

Then what do you have

An ember at best

Hmm..

 

Well you don’t have to be a flame

Or fire of any sort

Doesn't that contradict what you said earlier? 

You said that the mere existence of a desire or a will won't magically alter anything, yet if I have this ember that remains within me, things will unfold in my favor sooner or later - you said that

Well, yes..

 

But, upon deeper reflection, perhaps the requirement isn't to be as bright or as fierce as a fire.

What purpose does it serve if you're a raging flame, consuming everything within, leaving only charred desires?

If the ember within can gently guide you towards the path, that should be enough.

 

Yet, just maybe, your essence isn't composed of something that combusts.

 

Perhaps, you are more like a seed, awaiting the nourishing touch of water to blossom, rather than an ember that burns you from within. 

If my essence does indeed resembles a seed, then that makes my unease even more puzzling 

As I said before, there is nothing that I can pinpoint or narrow down that seems to be the problem. 

The source of these uneasiness and troubles is simply out of my grasp

And if that is the case, what is it exactly that I should be nourishing?

 

Does it has to be now?

To know exactly what you need?

And does it has to be you who guides you through? 

 

Not immediately, no. But should I really leave it to chance? Leave it to fate? Because in all honesty, I've reached the point where it's not even the uneasiness and troubles themselves that I'm concerned about. It's the unknown, the uncertainty. 

And the ambiguity of my predicament, the inability to narrow anything down, that's what I'm anxious about the most

Then it’s not time yet.

Not now Souta.

 

You don’t have to figure things out now.

I don’t think it’s time.

 

How can you be so certain of that? How do you know it's not time yet?

As long as you don’t consider death, it’s not time

 

That’s what I believe

You are still not ready to face things

 

It's okay to be adrift in uncertainty

There is a lot resonating within and around you, much of which you may not acknowledge or be prepared to witness

And that’s okay.

Until the time you feel compelled to unravel the threads, I think this sense of unease is doing you a favor.

But that uneasiness eats away at me, making my body physically and mentally uncomfortable. 

I can't live this way, simply waiting for something or someone to guide me out of this unknown place. 

I refuse to believe that this is doing me a favor more than it's harming me

Can you bear the consequences of facing the unknown?

...

No...

Then don’t Souta

It’s not time yet.

 

 

I don't wanna live like this... 

I know

It's like this slow, relentless ache eating away at you.

 

But Souta

I don't want to add more weight to what you're carrying. Not right now.

 

The future, though, the time when things won't be as tangled, and you'll find the strength to untangle your thoughts and feelings.

 

It's just, right now, I'm not so sure if you're ready for that.

Would you consider me weak?

You?

Weak?

Hah.

 

Yet I can't bear the consequence of facing the unknown

How else would you call it if not weakness?

 

Yeah yeah

Whatever

Do you think that if I were just a tiny bit stronger, I would understand what needed to be done? Be able to take that step that I now so fear taking?

And I’m trying not to swear at you man.

You swear a LOT though. So I don't think you're trying nearly hard enough.

Good. So you know that I might any second swear.

I wouldn't be surprised if you're swearing at me right now and only not telling me.

Good. So you know me well.

So please.

Don’t mix up things between when I tell you that I think you’re not ready yet and being weak.

Okay, so I'm not ready to face the unknown at the moment. I'll concede that.

But I still don't get how you know so much about me, my situation and how I feel

It's like you know me better than I know myself sometimes.

Let’s say that I’ve been there

Ah, I see. I've never really asked you

But do you ever feel like you're projecting your own struggles a little when you talk to me?

Sometimes.

It’s not always the same but I can understand or feel some of yours and I think we can at least meet at a certain point.

 

I'm really not sure how to take that. 

On one hand, it's nice that you can connect with me at a certain level, but on the other hand, it's slightly unsettling. 

I mean you've literally described things about me that I don't even know I carry just by reading the words I type. 

So how far does this understanding of yours really go?

 

:)

It’s Ano’s super powers

So... You've already got some sort of mental image of me in your head don't you? 

Not even vague details of my face or what I look like, but just an entire image of the type of person I am, the things I carry, the things I've done 

and perhaps even the things I still need to do?

Lololol

Not that powerful no

I still feel like you know more about me than you should be, just by talking to me like this.

Are you scared?

... Maybe a little bit...

😏

Why do I get the feeling that you're enjoying that I'm a little bit afraid?

Of course i am lmao

You're taking a bit too much pleasure from the fact that you're spooking me. 

I swear, you've probably got a smug smile on your face right now.

Lol

How did you know

It's the way you've been talking, and the fact that you keep grinning

I swear, you're just trying to mess with me so that my uneasiness reaches even greater heights, so that when I'm at my limit, you can strike with one of those snarky comments of yours.

Wow.

You know me so well by now.

I’m so proud.

Don't be proud of yourself! You're practically tormenting me!

Souta you should live by the eye for an eye with me

So now you're just blatantly admitting that you're basically taking revenge on me and teasing and provoking me all the same time?

No

Wait maybe but no

I just tell you; you should go on me as I go on you

You are such a child you know that?

Am I?

Yes. A very sassy cheeky little brat. And you know it as well, don't deny it.

Well yeah. I’m sorry.

You're enjoying this aren't you?

Yeah

Im sorry

You keep apologizing for the wrong things too. 

You probably do that on purpose just to add another layer of teasing and mocking, don't you?

Shh stop reading me

I said im sorry.

Your words mean nothing when you do this. 

You're probably enjoying that I keep calling you out on your ways more than you are actually apologizing. 

Why are you like this?

:x

But you keep being around despite knowing this

Why?

Because I don't actually hate you for it. 

It may make my blood boil at times but it's also something I look forward to.

It's a unique dynamic, a sort of banter that I haven't experienced with anyone before. 

It's almost a game: you do these things to provoke me and I keep calling you out on it. 

It's sort of fun in a way.

Ikr?

It is.

You know what? I just realized something 

Maybe I've been taking this the wrong way and you've actually been trying to help me after all

You've been trying to push me to the limit, to rile me up, so that something would finally stir inside of me. 

And in a way, that's exactly what's happening now. 

So I guess thank you?

You make me look too good

I’m doing this for fun

Fine, fine, let's say that I was wrong and that I did read you wrong

Regardless of your intentions

I want to ask you one question.

Lol okay

Will you keep being around?