I sat in my desk head down. I had been early. The school was barely flooding with students.

"Mosen, do you mindif I sit next to you?"  I curtly looked up to see Grace.

"Sure" I murmured my head back into my arms.

"Everything okay?" 

"Great" 

The conversation ended in silence until class started. I kept my head low the whole time. Still moody I guess. At this point I knew I was sulking and feeding into the depression. I was thrown into an abyss that I couldn't get out of. I gripped my head unconsciously. 

By the end of the period I felt myself slipping further down. 

"Mosen!"

"Will!" 

"You will both finish your game today! We'll start where we left off, 15 for Mosen" said the coach once we all gathered around in the gym.

"Good luck Mosen" Grace said with a smile. I nodded and walked towards the net. Was it just me or had we seen each other an awful lot today? I turned around to see her smiling my way. I quickly glanced away feeling my cheeks heat up. She was so nice, despite me being so rude. I pursed my lips together. I just wasn't in the mood for any of this.

I picked up the racket and faced in front of Will as he grinned.

"Let's have a good fair game this time" he curled his mouth upward warmly.

"Yeah"

I didn't want to play this stupid game anymore. I just needed to sit down somewhere and think. It made me slightly irritated. Let's just get this over with.

Will served the ball. Once on the other side Mosen slammed his racket connecting towards the left, on the other side of the court. His play was filled with emotion. It was just too fast too unexpecting yet Will caught it, scoping the ball back to Mosen. Mosen this time lightly tipped it back aiming for the next corner of the court. This ploy of soft and hard serves worked in his favor. It was to disrupt any rythmn, any sense of anticipation. Anyways it was so sudden Will didn't even reach the other side in time. The ball slammed on the ground.

"Nope out of bounds! 15-15"

"tch" 

He was at a professional level, guiding the ball to his will.

"Wow!"

"Did you guys see that?"

"He's quick!"

The other students where just as impressed as I was, but he looked angry. I mean Mosen always looked a little moody sure but something felt different.

"Will start your serve already!" coach yelled

"y-yes!" I fumbled startled and shot the ball.

fwomp

It shot straight into the net. I sweat dropped with my hand on the back of my neck "oops ah haha" 

"Pft..haha" Mosen giggled lightly concealing it with his hand. I smiled at the change in atmosphere. 

"30-15 lets keep the ball moving boys"

Mosen bounced the ball a couple of time. He threw it up and waited? Wow that really high up there. I didn't really know what to expect but kept on my toes for whatever was next. Suddenly he jumped up slamming the ball over. A jump serve!?!? I'd never seen that before. It was fast but I was confident I could catch it until it curved above my racket. It was beautiful, other people took notice as I heard cheering. He was really talented at this.

Before I even knew it the score was 40-15. Mosen was serving again, but I was ready this time. Squatting into position I waited to see which direction he would hit the ball. In the air I saw his writs tilt to the left and I darted again across the court. I'm gonna make it! I swing the ball back but there was another

fwomp

Instantly dropping on my hands and knees...I hit the fucking net again.

"The winner is Mosen. Let's move on now" coach walked off shaking his head.

"I thought it would go through!" I could hear Will yell in a whisper

"Good game" I put the racket down and walked away from the court.

In that instance the class cheered. 

"That was so intense"

"How did you do that?"

"Mosen how long have you been playing?"

"That was amazing!" some girls and boys both scattered around me.

Mosen was more serious, more cold than yesterday. I lifted myself up. 

"You okay?" it was Grace looking up to me.

"Yeah of course! It'll take more than that to phase my ego" I smirked fixing up my posture. I looked in the distance and saw all the people surrounding Mosen. Without much thought I walked over shaking him by the shoulders from behind.

"Mosen you were holding back on me the whole time!? How cruel" I held him away defensively from the others by positioning my arm around his neck. I knew him first he can't make friends with anyone until he makes friends with me first.

"You never stood a chance" snickered Ellie, another so called friend of mine.

"You might be right, but I held my ground! You didn't even last a minute in your match." I smirked.

"Shut up muscle head" 

I laughed lightly and looked down to Mosen. Wait. Where did he go!? How did he get all the way over there?

He was talking to coach and then walked into the boys locker room. I sneaked my way over. Something just seemed off. I walked in and saw him sitting on the bench eyes covered with his hands.

"Mosen! Are you okay?" I kneeled before him to be on eye level.

"Yeah just tired" but it wasn't so convincing.

"We can talk about it"

He took a deep sigh and began to lift his shirt above his head.

My face flushed. I turned away, covering my eyes side view with my hand in embarrassment. It wasn't like I haven't seen anyone change in the locker room before but I barely know the guy and it was too awkward.

I composed myself.  Good thing his back was facing me. I began to feel my face flush I'm being rediculous right now. You need to snap out of it will. He just caught me off guard was all. I turned back around clearing my throat but trailed off into my thoughts deciding what to say in the uncomfortable silence. I hadn't realized I was staring at him until I heard his voice suddenly,

"What are you even staring at pervert" he glared zipping up his pants.

"Huh!? n-No!!" 

"I just, I only wanted to know what was wrong, or if anything was wrong? Does your cheek stilI hurt?" 

"Everything is fine. You can leave" he finished changing and was heading out the door. I quickly followed after behind him. "Maybe you don't want to talk now but if you ever change your mind I'll be here" I commented staying behind him.

"Leave me alone" he warned furrowing his brows together. I flinched backwards. Maybe I should leave him for now. We can talk later. I watched as he walked off and headed back into the gym. Somehow I couldn't shake his presence from my mind I just felt so worried. His grey eyes were so, mesmerizing...so pretty...but he looked so sad... 

I felt my face boil remembering his lean figure. He had a slim semi toned figure, it was such a nice mix with his pale complexion. I shook my head vigorisly.

Woah there Will get a grip. He was just so cool and mysterious. I want to get to know him. 

"I just want him to be my friend" I groaned. But he's so hard to approach.

___

I walked along the railing from the roof top and sat on the bench. The clouds would hide the sun every now and then. The breeze made it cold too. "Fall is near" I crossed my arms together attempting to shield myself from the chill I felt coming up. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed. Maybe I should just skip a couple days.

I looked to the sky. Why do I feel so lonely? So insignificant? What would happen if I just never existed? I felt some tears brewing inside.

"Mosen" a voice said. I snapped my head back down from the sky.

"Grace?" I quickly blinked back the tears.

"You mind if I sit with you" a soft upward curve of her lips formed.

"Go ahead" I awkwardly motioned to the bench.

It was silent, for a while.

"When I was younger," her voice was sudden as she turned her head in my direction "My parents were on drugs. Well I guess you could say they still are. I remember taking some hard beating when they'd be high out of their minds. Throughout the years we ended up in debt and poor. I lost my home and ending up in a one room apartment without gas, electricity, nevermind being hungry all the time. It was tough times" she ocked eye contact then continued, "They were grueling years where it felt like a fight to just keep livingevery day. I'm sure you get what I mean. But it didn't last forever" 

"Why are you telling me all this?" I squeezed my hands together unsure of what to do.

"People like us aren't so common here. I've seen the cuts on your writs. Maybe I don't know your story but I can tell its been a rough ride. It takes one to know one if you know what I mean"

I slightly nodded keeping my eyes low.

"Listen I know its hard living for yourself, and maybe even with yourself. But we all have to make the most of it, because you're already here aren't you? I myself fought hard with depression and other bad habits" she flashed a pack of smokes from her pocket. I was shocked but kept a straight face.

"I still have bad days and wrestle with some heavy things that come my way, but things are different now. I'll never give up"

"You know, your experiences don't define you. People don't define you. I know its hard to let go of the past but at some point you have to start living for yourself. Don't you want your own happiness?" 

"My own happiness?" I mummbled. I hadn't ever thought of being happy before.

"You're fixed on emotions that do not serve you purpose. You need to put them down and start searching for something more"

"Like what?" I drooped my brows clenching my fists together.

"Thats for you to figure out. I mean don't you want more in life than this?" she extended her hand on mine.

"You don't have to talk about it. I just wanted to give you some advice. Something I wish I heard sooner to help me get started. I couldn't help but want to give you a little push in the right direction" I hadn't realized but I was clenching her hand in mine. Oddly enough I was happy to hear all this, and I wanted to know more.

"Anywho I'll take my leave now" she stood up from thr bench dusting her skirt off.

"wait! I-I want to know more" Isaid grabbing her hand

"I um don't want to be like this either but...I don't know what to do..." my voice fell into a meager whisper. 

"Well you should start with surronding yourself with things that spark joy. This could be something really simple like having cake or hanging out with friends. You shouldn't be brewing in the negative thoughts either" she smacked my back somehow knowingly.

"You need to make better habits for yourself, honestly I recommend some therapy. Its hard getting coping skills just by yourself but if you're hesitant just listent to this okay?"

I nodded eagerly.

"Once a bad though pops I want you to only acknowledge it for what it is okay? Don't get wrapped up in it. If you really can't help it then get up, get out and take a walk somewhere. The point is to see beyond it"

She grabbed my chin tilting it upwards.

"You see how a change in scenary can make you feel some kind of peace?"

I stared at the blue sky, taking notice of the birds soaring" I had to admit there was peace in nature. It might be a difficult mindset to get into but you just need a little effort. Just give it some more thought and I'm sure you'll figure it out" she said with an index finger pointing at me.

"what ended up happening with your family" maybe it wasn't a nice question but I was dying to know.

She seemed to grimace slightly "I don't really know where or what my parents are doing, its been two years since I got emancipated. I cut contact completely. But I've accepted that they won't change and the only family you really need are the people that care and stick with you. Me and my siblings manage well. We actually have an aunt that takes care of us pretty well now" she giggled brightly. Grace's energy was so radiantly positive I had long forgotten about my problems. I felt determined to do something more with myself.

"Anyways nothing is set in stone now butI'm really trying hard to get in a good university and take a nursing program or something like that. I'm not exactly sure but we should at least have some sort of plan right?" I nodded vigorously, feeling proud of her.

"wh-

DING DING  DING

 "I can't be late for my next lecture. I have to get going. Let's chat more in the future" she pat my back and quickly rushed off.

"You can do this!!" she yelled out from the distance. I smiled and waved in acknowledgement.

A few minutes passed and I was still processing everything. How could I change into something good? Effort was the heavy boulder that I couldn't even budge. It was just too much determination. How could she be happy after all that? And what was I running towards? What makes me happy?

I felt uncomfortable in my skin not knowing how to process these new thoughts and emotions. I guess nothing is ever easy.