Breakfast is finished.

The bowl lies empty — a battlefield of crumbs.

My belly is full, but my heart is restless.

Now begins the next great war:

The Battle of the Glowing Rectangle.

My human, coffee in one hand, drifts toward his desk like a moth to a flame.

There it is: The Laptop.

Cold. Flat. Evil.

He opens it.

The screen lights up.

Immediately, his eyes glaze over, locked onto the rectangle like a zombie staring into the abyss.

I know what this means.

He will sit there for hours, ignoring his duties:

No head scratches.

No chin rubs.

No belly pats.

Unacceptable.

I jump onto the desk with the elegance of a seasoned acrobat. My paws land just beside the laptop. Close enough to be intimidating, but not yet destructive.

I sit. I stare.

He types, oblivious.

I inch closer.

He types faster.

I knock over a pen.

Still nothing.

Clearly, subtlety has failed.

I walk across the keyboard.

The screen explodes with chaos — random letters, half-written emails, blinking errors.

He gasps. "Meowster! No!"

Victory tastes sweet.

He picks me up under my armpits like I'm some common house plant and places me on the floor.

Rude.

I immediately leap back up.

This time, I sit directly on the keyboard.

If he wants to work, he must go through me.

I am the wall.

I am the mountain.

I am inevitable.

He tries to lift me again. I go boneless — the ancient cat art of "Becoming Heavy Like 10,000 Suns."

He groans under the effort. "Dude, seriously?"

I blink slowly.

Seriously.

Finally, he gives up. He leans back in his chair, defeated. He scratches my head absentmindedly as he scrolls one-handed on his phone.

Not perfect, but acceptable.

Touch has been initiated.

Attention has been secured.

I purr, a low, victorious rumble.

Another battle won.

Another day of glorious rule.

There are dark magics in this world.

None are darker... than the Water Curse.

After my triumphant victory over the Glowing Rectangle, I settle onto the couch, curled into a perfect circle.

Dreams of tuna and laser dots dance in my mind.

But then —

I hear it.

The sound of rushing water.

Terror grips my soul.

I crack open one eye and spot my human, casually carrying a towel and humming a terrible tune. He is going toward the tiny room.

The Forbidden Room.

The Place of Endless Wet.

I follow at a safe distance, tail puffed, ears tilted back.

He steps inside. He closes the door.

And then... the horror begins.

Through the crack under the door, I hear it — the savage hiss of falling water, the splashing, the sloshing.

He is... willingly subjecting himself to the Water Curse!

Has he gone mad?

I pace outside the door.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Every fiber of my being screams:

Save him!

Rescue him from the evil water snake!

But I am just one noble cat.

And water...

Water is death.

I meow a few warning cries through the door:

Come back to the dry lands! Escape the drench! I command you!

But my human merely sings louder.

Off-key.

Like a dying walrus.

After an eternity (five minutes), the water finally stops.

The door creaks open.

Out steps my human, dripping, hair flattened, skin steaming like an overcooked dumpling. He looks like a defeated soldier returning from battle.

He laughs when he sees me glaring up at him. "It's just a shower, Meowster."

Just a shower.

The ignorance.

The disrespect for the ancient feline laws of dryness.

He reaches out, intending to pat my head.

I leap backward with supernatural reflexes.

You will not touch me, foul damp creature!

I bolt down the hallway, sprinting at full speed, leaving only the furious flick of my tail behind me.

🐾 Meowster's Royal Checklist of the Day 👑

✅ Wake up human

✅ Reject work screen tyranny

✅ Sit on sacred keyboard

❌ Prevent human from entering Water Dungeon

❌ Accept petting from damp peasant

👑 Royal Question for the Court:

What's the strangest thing your pet has ever declared war on?

(For Meowster, it's still the vacuum... and the house plant.)

✨ Fun Fact from the Throne Room:

Royal Fact #002: Meowster believes all glowing rectangles are portals to a dumb human realm and must be destroyed.

💬 Drop a comment, leave a paw print (❤️), or tell Meowster your own daily checklist!