Carys POV

It’s strange being back here after everything—unsettling, but oddly comforting. I guess you really can’t outrun your problems or feelings—my mom and I are proof of that. Is it really a good idea to visit? This soon? Each step I take makes me question the courage I had this morning. It was my home—this shouldn’t be so hard. I think. Shit. I hope.

It just felt so—so empty after he... left. My therapist says I’m not ready. But I am ready—to prove her wrong that is.  This is one of the things I've set out to accomplish after moving back here. This... and talking to her, I guess. My therapist says it’ll help me release years of pent-up emotion—and maybe even stop blaming myself. How the hell is talking to Aurora supposed to help me heal or lead to some grand breakthrough? What does my therapist know? Just an educated black woman with multiple degrees and the shared experience of losing a parent….

My vision blurs—tears welling, burning with every blink.
“Carys? Carys Hanson?” I look up quickly, blinking away what’s left of my tears. They look familiar—but I can’t quite place them.

“We went to high school together, right? Sorry—I don’t really remember names.”
You remember Auroras’ The voice in my head chimes in. SHUT UP, I yell internally. Instantly annoyed and ready to argue with myself.
“Selah. We had chemistry and economics together. Sophomore year.”
Selah—yes, how could I forget? I had the biggest crush on her back then. I smile slightly, remembering that year briefly. Damn, she looks even better than she did back then.

“Yes, Selah. I remember you. I’m surprised—forgetting someone as beautiful as you should be illegal.”
Selah smirks. “Still a flirt, I see.”
Redness settles on those perfect cheekbones.
“I couldn’t help it. You were gorgeous back then. I don’t even know if they’ve created a word to describe the tier you sit at now.”
“Well, when they do, I’ll make sure they put a picture of you right up there with mine.”
“Being next to you in any capacity is a dream come true.”
“I heard you guys moved back recently. Who would’ve thought my wish would be granted this soon.”
“Wish?” I smirk.
“That I’d be the one to run into you before anyone else could get their hands on you.”
She looks me up and down. “I had a feeling you’d be fine as fuck now, and BOY was I right.”
“Oh? Is that so?” I raise an eyebrow.
“Yeah, you may or may not have a lil fan club.”
“Interesting. Where do you fall in the rankings of said fan club? Would you by any chance be the fearless leader?”
Smirking, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her phone “Whatever you want it to be.” She smiles, handing it to me.
FINE SHYT in caps already entered into the name portion of the incomplete contact form.
I giggle, putting my number in and adding a little heart emoji to my name.

Selah gives me a sultry smile to match the look in her eyes, looking me up and down one more time before walking away. I watch her for a moment before my phone vibrates. I smile big at the unknown number, turning around to see Selah looking my way, phone in her ear, smiling right back at me. I chuckle as I answer.

“You busy right now? Any plans today?”
“Not really. I was headed down to the park to draw, smoke, get some fresh air—you know, nothing exciting.”
“Need some company?”
“I would love some company.”
I see her cheesing. “Maybe... I could draw you too? If you’re nice.”
I smile, ending the call as I jog toward her.
“I’m always nice.” I say, giving her nose a little boop.

I glance over my shoulder as we walk in the opposite direction toward the park. Maybe I’ll visit another day... maybe.

Smoking ~ Maybe I’ll go tomorrow or after this? Do I even want to go? I mean, I think so. I was headed there, but I was even happier to have an out. Not all distractions are bad... right? I should just give myself some time. Definitely not looking forward to admitting my therapist was right about this. We’ve only been back for a month; we haven’t even moved in fully yet—or more so, I haven’t. I should pace myself.

Selah waves her hand in my face. “Hellooooooo, Earth to fine shit.”
“My bad, lost in my thoughts.”
“I know the za is hitting, but damnnnn.” She jokes, attempting to mask the concerned look on her face.
“Pass that shit—maybe I want to be lost in my thoughts too.” she says
Laughing as she stretches across the art supplies laying between us to do a dramatic snatching motion when taking the spliff. I laugh along with her.
“I said my bad, feeny mon.”

I look through her supplies. “So when are you going to recreate the masterpiece that is I?”
Both hands trailing down my sides like Jay from My Wife & Kids when she does that ‘all of this Michael, all of this.’

Selah passes me the tray, digging into her little pouch. She breaks concentration to focus on me.
“I already did.”

She picks up the drawing and hands it to me. My eyes widen slightly, taken aback by her talent—almost at a loss for words.
“Damn, you’re—wow. This is amazing. You’re beyond talented, Seely.”
“I drew you as you were lost in thought. I thought it was the perfect pose—the ambience of nature, the spliff in your hand. If it hadn’t been so beautifully simple, it might’ve been seen as cliché.”
She replies, already digging back in her pack.

I sat there mesmerized by the image she drew. Wow being the only thing I can say to myself. It kind of reminds me of that time Aurora drew me. I remember all our moments like it was just yesterday... She had slept over—

“Found it!” Selah gleams, voice dripping with accomplishment, snapping me out of my daydream without even knowing. Her hand hovers in front of me.
“It’s my grinder. It fell out into my purse.”
She explains, slowly snapping me back into reality.
“Thanks... You’re amazing, by the way. Extremely talented.”

She blushes, placing some of her za on the tray.
“Mix?”
“Smart woman.”

I reach over to snatch her papers, but she grabs my wrist before I can fully retrieve my arm.
“Thank you.” She smiles nervously like a little kid interacting with their crush.
“No problem, Seely. As payment, I’ll show you how to properly finesse when you roll.”
“Ummmmmmm excuse emmuah. I roll perfectly fine. I didn’t hear you complaining, Stanley Steamer.”
“You’re aight, but let me show you how to really FINESSE that.”

It gets quiet as I display my rolling expertise.
“Hey… I don’t mean to pry, but you seem to get lost in thought often... Are you—are you okay?”
“Y’know, being back here and all...”

My body stiffens with the implications, knowing all too well what she means by ‘back here.’ I feel myself drowning, like I’m back in that moment. I can practically hear the phone slam to the ground as I fight to hold back tears—frozen in pain, confusion, and anger.
“It’s... different.”

Is all I can manage to muster. Please don’t make me elaborate. Arms tighten around my torso as she rests her chin gently on my shoulder.
“Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up. I was just worried about you. I’m here—no need to explain anything. You don’t have to speak a word. I’m here for you... okay?”

She tightens her grip. I place the tray down, grabbing a hold of her arm, essentially hugging her back.
“Thank you,” I whisper.

I’m sure she didn’t hear it, but I know she felt the tears rolling down our arms. Yet she says nothing. She allowed me to be. It’s been so long since I found safety in someone outside of my mother—someone who didn’t or hasn’t endured my kind of pain firsthand. It was weird, but very comforting at the same time. She may have just healed a part of me.

I finally released her, after what felt like hours, from my grip. I pick up the spliff, lighting it as she squeezes me once more.
“Seely, huh?”

She scrunches up her face, moving her art supplies aside so she can sit next to me, leaning on me.
“Yess, what’s wrong with Seely?”
I fake pout.
“Nothing, nothing. It’s... cute. Different.”

I roll my eyes playfully.
“Fine, what does everyone else call you?”
“They call me Sel or Selsie. Well, my little sister at least.”
“Lil sis gets points ’cause hers is cute. Sel... that’s boring ASF. Your new nickname is Seely—and it’s only for me and maybe lil sis. Maybe.”
“Well, excuse me. I hereby declare Seely a new addition to the nick&named archives. You, Carys, have been granted EXCLUSIVE access.”

I bow my head.
“Thank you, Your Grace.”

The laughter we shared warmed my heart—I had no clue how much I missed this.
“Say hi to Snap.”

Selah says, head laying in my lap, stretching her arms and holding her phone up trying to capture us both in the frame. I smile, doing the go-to peace sign, sticking my tongue out all goofily before getting up in the camera.
“What will the fans say when you post this?”
“She who has smelt it has dealt it. So by that ruling, you are mine... as far as they’re concerned, at least.”
“Yours, huh? I like, I like.”
She cocks an eyebrow.
“You do?”
She smirks, jumping up from her position, now on her knees, whispering in my ear.
“Enough to take me home?”

I bite my lip. Yeah, I miss that too. “Nah, Madam Dealt It—you’re taking me home.”

Don’t you just love when those pretty girls with innocent faces get freaky? The way their entire look changes needs to be studied—something about it always gets me going.