Every message, every joke, and every laughter exchanged, they engraved something deeper into my heart. Something more than just warm, more than just sure. Like, she'd talk about her day, and her silly out of the blue stories and I'd find myself smiling like a fool as the screen shines on my face in the dark.
The gift I gave her a few days ago, it felt like it was more than comfort to her. It created a soft and safe space between us, where we could just be ourselves without the fear of judgement. Within this space, something kept growing in me, something so strong, something so passionate.
It's a new day once again. The kind where the morning feels peaceful, clean, quiet almost. And maybe that's what this is, maybe that's the go sign, the beginning of something real. My feelings for her... they've only gotten stronger and stronger. It wasn't just a simple wave anymore, it was a strong tide that I couldn't ignore no matter what I do.
She wasn't just a friend across an endless screen,
But she was more than that, a constant awakening dream.
I finally feel it all, this strong, brutal tide,
A powerful love I can never hide.
I think I'm ready. I think I'm ready to confess my love for her.
We talked again that night, like we always did.
She was clearing out her desk, music blasting in the background. Those kinds of talks that didn't need much planning or attention, just presence, her presence.
"Do you ever notice how weird people are in your school?" I asked, chuckling. "Like... that girl who always has a group of 'bodyguards', or that girl that stuffs tissues up her-"
She cuts me off, bursting out of laughter, "Not the tissue girl! she thinks she's so iconic, I swear."
"Iconic is one word for it," I said as I giggled, "I swear, I live for those chaotic characters sometimes. Just people watching individuals like them, they make everything less boring don't you think?"
We talked for a bit more. We shared our thoughts on each others teachers, classmates, inside jokes and everything in between. I took this as my opportunity. casually, I slid in a question playfully, "Hey... Ria, be honest with me you monkey." I paused for a moment, "Is there anyone in school that you're into?"
That pause. Staring at my phone in suspense, at the edge of my seat, she answered with a small laugh. "Mmm... that's a good question Milo, I mean, not in school exactly, but..."
"But?" I cut her off out of curiosity.
"There's this guy... on my bus. He's... I don't know, kind of attractive you know? We don't really talk though, maybe once, but it's not like that."
I smiled, thinking of what to say even though something inside me tightened up a little. I told myself not to read deep into it, that maybe it was just a thought, a surface level attraction, but it still caught me off guard.
I asked, "Oh yeah? What's he like?" trying to sound chaotic and teaseful at the same time, "Riri has a crush everyone!!! get a load of this!"
She laughed and shrugged, "He's just quiet, always has his headphones in... He just seems like he minds his own business. I guess I respect that."
I casually pouted and nodded, even though she couldn't see me.
"Soooo.... I'm a pretty good wingman if I say so myself... I know my way through guys like that."
"Oh, so you're into guys huh?" She bursts out laughing. "Not like that you idiot" I responded with a subtle smile.
"Well how about you Milo bear? who's catching your eyes over there...?"
That nickname... It made me question everything. All the times we playfully flirted with each other, dying out of laughter. Maybe it was all just jokes in the end.
"It's... complicated." I replied with a sudden shift in tone.
She gently said, "I mean, I told you mine, I can help you with yours too?"
"No no... you don't get it, I dont know, I'm just crazy over her... And I don't even know if she feels the same way." I said that knowing very well that I was talking about her deep inside.
I continued with a more obvious shift in mood, "Let's just talk about something else, okay?"
"Milo? Is everything okay? my guts are telling me you have something to tell me Mister, and you know very well how my guts are always right."
"I don't know, I don't want to ruin anything-"
"How would it ruin anything Milo?" She immediately answered, almost as if she's trying to get me to say something.
I said, "Okay, How about this... I will tell you what's going on, but is it okay if we move on from this topic right after? please?". She nodded, "Okay..."
"I seriously didn't plan to fall this deep,
to hold a dream I couldn't even keep.
But here I am, having to let go,
of all the things you'll probably never know."
"You changed my world in so many ways,
everything about you made sense, like you were sent my way,
to be that undying light through every gray."
"Our midnight talks, your gentle voice,
our quiet space, that only you can soften the worlds noise.
But after this talk, maybe you don't feel the same,
Maybe I won't ever wear your name."
"So now I have to let go, even until we grow."
She paused, she hesitantly said, "Milo, are you sure you don't want me to say anything? What if what i'm about to say... isn't even bad?"
"Oh."
"Milo, the night you first reassured me when I was feeling down was the night I fell for you... everything just felt so peaceful... from our instant click, to our endless talks, everything. That guy? in the bus I told you about? It was you in disguise. I was talking about you... I didn't want to be too obvious... And that gift... Milo... You've been so amazing to me and I'm sure with what I feel for you. I'm inlove with you."
In that moment, the universe and the stars were silenced. All that existed was her voice, just as her heart began to speak. The time forgot to breathe the moment her truth met the air.
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