Ria sent a little video of her last night, bright and smiling, and for a second, everything felt right again the moment I saw her contagious, adorable smile. We exchanged our usual fun conversations, mixed with our plans for the day, and all this happening as both our hairs messy, eyes still sleepy, with me pretending I didn't just roll out of bed just to message her. We sent each other memes, cute couple videos, and random voice notes throughout the day.

By early afternoon, we usually have this small time frame to text each other for a bit since we both get pretty busy at this time. Today, we talked about where we would be 10 years from now. We both always imagined to get engaged pretty early, to get married, have 2 kids, and live in a peaceful apartment far from everyone else. I softly said, "You know, you would be such a perfect mother, I swear. Just from the way you take care of your little sister already shows so much of your caring side." 

I let out a sigh, "Just wait till our kids see this and they'll see how obsessed I was for their mother... You."

She giggled, "BABY! You're so cute."

I remembered thinking, we're okay, even after the heaviness that we both experienced the past few weeks, it finally passed. She was laughing again, like, really laughing, telling me about her day, asking about mine, there wasn't a single crack in the moment.

Later on this evening, we decided to talk for a little since she mentioned she might head to bed pretty early today. We talked, softly, no filters, just our peaceful words reaching each others hearts.

Then she said, "I miss how we used to be."

I didn't know what to say. Because to me, this, right here, was how we used to be. We had our laughs today, we shared pieces of ourselves like we always did since the day we met.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She softly paused.

"Baby, not in a bad way," she said gently, "I just... I don't know. Things feel different sometimes, especially after how this week has been for us... You don't notice it?"

I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want to agree either.

There was a silence between us. Like, both of us were waiting for the right words to show up.

"What do you mean honey?" I said as my heart ached.

Then she spoke, slowly, carefully, like she was laying each word down where I could see it perfectly.

"It's not that im happy, baby," she said. "I am. I love what we have. I just miss how it used to feel, like... in the beginning, there were no misunderstandings, no second guessing each other's tone. We just clicked, you know?"

I did know, a part of me wanted to say, "But we still click... don't we?"

She continued, "We still fix things when they happen. We always talk it out, and I love that about us, But sometimes, it feels like we're spending more time fixing than just... being."

That hit harder than I expected, because at that time, I was trying so hard. Watching my words more, texting with more intention, trying to listen harder, doing everything I thought would keep us solid.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I don't want you to think I don't see how much you care. I do. I really, really do Milo bear, I'm trying my best for us too. I guess... I just miss the simplicity. I hate that I'm bringing this up." Her heart cracked on that last sentence, and something in me softended all over again.

I said, "I just wish I knew how to make it feel like it used to. I miss it too, I wish I'm better at this, with talking, with listening, I'm sorry."

She sighed gently, that quiet kind of sigh where love still lingers. 

"I know, don't apologise honey, I'm sorry," she whispered, "That's why we're still here."

And in that moment, we weren't two people trying to hold something that shattered. We were two people choosing to hold each other tighter, even when some pieces didn't line up perfectly anymore.

This wasn't the version of love we started with, but it was the version we were still fighting for... and maybe that meant more.

The days that followed were quiet, peaceful, still full of love, just... softer.

She'd send me photos of things going on throughout her day, I loved each and every thing she talks about.

"Look Milo bear, a ladybug flew on my wrist!"

I smiled, I saved the photo. I saved everything she shares to me.

Some nights, we'd still stay up late, just talking. Talking about food cravings, songs, our future. But I could tell she was tired more often. Not just sleepy, but tired in that way you feel in your bones.

Maybe I should've asked more, but she was still laughing, still saying goodnight with little hearts, loving my daily tulip emojis for her.