Chapter 12 

“Just Me”

It comes out as such a random thought. I walked past a bar one day and heard a lady singing her heart out.

"Must've be so done with life to scream like that, like she had lost all hopes."

Hey, I’m very much done with life as well. I’d like a spot to yell.

So the other night, while I was on one of my “self-discovery” outings, I pushed myself into a messy street called Bali Lane—full of young punks, sweaty drunk white males, and, well, exactly what you’d imagine. Bars.

Two years ago, I would never. I had no friends, no social skills, apparently no guts either.

No, don’t get me wrong,I still have none of those.

But now I have one new ability.

This skill called: I don’t give a shit.

Squeezing through them, however,t’s hard for me to not actually give a… well?

They all gave me looks of pure confusion, concern, and some things I can’t explain.

I was tumbling around in this big “adult” wave,being kicked, bumping into people’s ass cheeks. At least kids do single files sometimes. These grown people are unbelievable.

I escaped through a little gap only I could fit through,

And was struck in the face with a pot of shoveled-up plants with unnecessarily long leaves.

I struggled and crawled my way out.

Struck again. Not another plant, but this beautiful bar—The Blu Jaz Café.

It was built like a shophouse, but the design was very classic vintage 80s. Red wood, small night lights, and a band setup swallowed by those irritating blue spotlights.

"Woah, that’s awesome."

"Hey, young man, what do you need?"

"Is the band going to be here?"

"Yeah, at 8 p.m."

"Right, see you at eight."

And I walked away, while clearly hearing the guy get folded by his colleagues.

"What did I tell you? That’s a child!"

"He’s not gonna drink!"

"It’s not about that!"

I swear to God, sometimes I forget how young I look.

I will be considered a child until it’s time to buy tickets—then I’m suddenly an adult.

Yup. Getting in will be a problem.

But again,I don’t care. For now.

I walked around Bugis. Old streets and old people. They were walking so slowly on this narrow little lane. I liked that. Not a care in the world,especially not about the kid behind them.

Then I circled back to the bar. It’s 7:45 p.m.

"Hey, morning, how can I help you?"

"It’s evening, lady. And I’m here for the band. Can I get a table close to it?"

"Yeah, I believe so. Just sit around there."

The waitress is clearly new.

Perfect.

Just when I thought I got away.

"How old are you?"

The bartender pops out from behind the counter. Super Black. Huge beard.

Should I be scared?

Nah.

"Old enough."

(Actually, I still have two more months to go. But I think I nailed the delivery.)

"Yeah, good try. Where are your parents?"

"I’m the closest thing you can find."

Literally. They’re both in China. You’re not gonna find them anywhere here.

"So it’s just you?"

"It’s just me."

"And you are in uniform?"

"This is not a uniform."

It’s just the way I dress.

"Yeah, good try."

The waitress got up beside me. Looked the bartender in the eye, voice calm but firm,like she was standing up for me.

"He’s just going to listen to the band. He’s not going to drink or anything."

"It’s not about that. The police are doing spot checks. We can’t risk that. He is underage."

The bartender stared me dead in the eye.

"Beat it, kid."

"Alright then. Have a great one."

I turned around to leave. The waitress followed, tapped my shoulder.

"I’m so sorry."

"It’s alright."

I left. Kept my cool.

Until I started stomping my feet and scolding the invisible air.

Everyone around me was drunk as skunks. No one paid attention to me,if they even noticed me at all.

If I was going to be treated like a child, might as well act like one.

Then I stomped into a pile of vomit.

Of course.

My sister, being literal twins with me, was able to get away with going gambling.

I can’t sit with fries and apple juice in a jazz bar?

GOD, just let me in and we both forget about it. HOW ABOUT THAT?

Again, I understand. Rules are rules.

Rules that weren’t made with me in mind.

I am not an unreasonable person.

I’ll just take myself somewhere else.

Like a KFC.