Disaster is my middle name….

“So, I'm going to begin this theatrical narration. And system, stop trying to ruin my amazing narration. I'm trying to impress my fans out there.”

“That’s fine, host. System, access granted to the narration… The system turned on a projector, showcasing the years of history.”

Back to who knows when—no, literally, the timestamp's corrupted—apparently all universes coexisted in harmony. Stars hummed lullabies to black holes, reality shared tea across dimensions. It was all very poetic.

[SYSTEM NOTE: Harmony verified. Timestamp unavailable.]

Then came the cosmic wardrobe malfunction: a tear in space itself. Out stumbled the Palicids, gluttonous, carnivorous beasts who apparently moonlighted as shapeshifters.

[SYSTEM DEFENSE PROTOCOL: Palicids designated Class-E threat.]

“Yes, thanks, I was getting there.” These void-spawned things could mimic humans, which made betrayal deliciously easy. And of course, leading them was Vanitus—“the 13th heavenly emperor, banished by the gods.”

[SYSTEM CORRECTION: The other gods.]

Oh, right, wouldn’t want to offend them. He turned the universe inside out like a sock, flooding it with dark miasma until even light gave up trying.

Until…

[SYSTEM RESUMING: In the universe’s darkest hour—]

“Nope. Stop. I know where this goes. Read the script for this episode—well, half of it—but it doesn’t matter.”

[SYSTEM INTERRUPTION DETECTED. Narrative privileges reallocated.]

“Let me continue.” So, a thousand-year war erupts—very original—and the whole universe bands together like a panicked group project. Enter the Universal Traveller, mysterious hero with too much power and no discernible origin story. She performs cosmic surgery: slices reality apart, banishes Vanitus to some metaphysical oubliette, and purifies the miasma like a celestial air freshener.

[SYSTEM PRAISE SEQUENCE ACTIVE: “She restored hope—”]

Oh shut up. She hung out on Earth afterwards, recruited a fan club—shamans, exorcists, and the five overhyped saints.

That’s all well and good. But I’m not in the prophecy. I wasn’t in the system’s rollout either. I’m the blank space, the error message, the unreadable line of code. And that? That’s where my version begins.

Darkness swallowed me. My senses flickered. I stood alone in the velvet lounge—warm, smooth, familiar.

The system responded instantly, pulling up the cards. But because I’d taken too long… Only two remained.

One shimmered: Environmental Magic. The other: blank. Mysterious. Humming softly.

I stared at both. Exhaled.

“System,” I said. “What exactly are these?”

“These are ability cards,” the system said.

“I already know that; well, I guessed as much. Do you think years of watching Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and The Shield Hero taught me nothing?”

I frowned, my brows knitted together, and my fingers lightly stroked my chin.

“Well,” the system continued, “they are exactly what they seem. Environmental magic, as the name suggests, allows you to control, communicate with, and assist the natural elements of the environment: weather, flora, fauna, and the four elements.”

“On the other hand, the other card is called an anomalous card, which can have any power. From what’s been observed, they tend not to fit into the three categories of magic: physical enhancement, celestial magic, and projection magic.”

“So none of the systems know what that card is?” I questioned.

“What I recommend is that you choose environmental magic. In such a dangerous world, I believe environmental magic is the safer option.”

I sank into my comfortable sofa, my body sinking into its embrace. I closed my eyes, head ringing as the system rambled on about the dangers of the mysterious card and the benefits of environmental magic.

But part of me hesitated. Wasn't there something… tempting about the unknown? My confusion swirled—not because I didn’t believe in magic, but because I wondered why I was chosen. I could barely run two hundred meters without feeling like I was about to have a heart attack, and yet they expected me to confront the universe’s most dangerous menaces.

Damn my luck.

Rubbing my head, I took a deep breath and decided: environmental magic felt safer. Straightening my back, I prepared to make my selection. My finger hovered steadily over the environmental card—

A gust of wind hit. A flyer smacked into my face. I pulled it off hastily— Only to realise I’d chosen the wrong card.

Silence.

I face-palmed, my expression darkening as the truth sank in.

[SYSTEM HAS RECOGNIZED HOST CHOICE]

I tried to undo it, but it was too late. The environmental magic card warped into a black hole, and with a soft “bloop,” it vanished.

The anomalous card floated back into my hand, buzzing warmly. Energy seeped from its edges and wrapped around me like tendrils of heat.

Suddenly, the ground trembled—and split. A black hole opened beneath my feet. I was swallowed into the void.

I opened my eyes.

The space around me was pitch black, stretching endlessly in all directions. My body felt heavy, like lead. A gravitational pull pinned me down.

Gradually, the light shifted. Colours swirled across my vision. The anomalous card vibrated in my hands.

Warm energy enveloped me. Voices—dozens, maybe hundreds—rushed past like a spectral tide. A flood of memories drowned me. My chest tightened; I clutched the ability card harder. My black hair floated around me in weightless strands.

Blood reversed through my veins, boiling with unnatural force. Sharp, prickling pain pierced through my limbs. Cold sweat ran down my forehead. My shirt and skirt whipped violently as wind surged through the space. The pain worsened. Bones cracked, then reconstructed. The anomalous card hovered before me, glowing.

My body twisted, then began to shift—absorbing the card completely. The portal around me pulsed harder. The memories deepened. I saw flashes: children, people, civilisations, animals, ecosystems, plants—each emotion from those lives surged into me.

I coughed up blood, lungs burning, ready to burst.

[CARD INTEGRATION COMPLETE … STABILIZING ENERGY CORE 80% … 95% … 100%. SUMMONING COMPLETE. GOOD LUCK, HOST!]

Darkness…

Thud. A sharp pain struck the back of my head. Silence enveloped me.

Time blurred. Consciousness floated. My other senses picked up the sounds of people talking… and the sharp scent of sour vinegar.

[Soul integration at 100%. Host body activated]

Light flooded my vision. I opened my eyes. My fingers grazed silk sheets, a blanket, and wood—likely from the headboard. A soft breeze rustled the curtains. Somewhere distant, chimes rang like whispers.

I squinted and realised I was in a large room. Just as I propped myself up, a voice echoed beside me...