"You'll be fine..."

I'm not fine with this. I don't understand.

"There's nothing to understand. It's just over now..."

How could I lose everything so easily?

"You have other-"

I have nothing.
I want nothing.
I am nothing.

Another light suddenly out of reach. Why?
So many lately. I couldn't take another loss. I had to find a way to bury my other precious lights or let them be swallowed by the hungry night.

And so, I closed myself away in pain and confusion, suffocating on emptiness. I had found a rare and fierce gem.. it burned into a sudden glory then darkness like a falling star. Why do stars fall from heaven?

I lost my way.

I hid myself from all, buried down to my core.

Heart of stone, something special inside me nearly died. The rest of me wished to follow, but there is no escape.

Then.. a voice found me...

"Time to wake up, little dragon. Time to go home."

No. I don't... have anything worth giving... worth having...

"Time to wake up, little bird."

I rose, stumbling.

Life goes on and we are forced to follow, the teeth of our past feeding on the unknown future. My cocoon fell away and I was still stone... but a living stone. Stronger.

But even living stone can become brittle and shatter. I must be gentle with myself.

***********
I want to speak of the unquenchable light that is within us.

*smiles to myself* I find it each morning, slowly, like the growing dawn.
*smile fades* ...and at night twilight takes me... it hurts so much every night. I don't even cry. I just burn.

Loss is teaching me much. Building hopes and fears almost equally. This wild year I'm in... (god, tell me when this endless storm will break?) I have equal opportunity to let things destroy me as I do of finding myself more deeply.

The end of the story is not yet written.

The pen is in my hand.

I must find a way to keep writing and make a story that's truly worth telling. If I can.