[Location: Somewhere between dimensions]

Arthur stood at the front of an invisible classroom.
Behind him, a massive blackboard floated in the void, filled with nonsense equations like:

- "Wrath + Laziness = Godslayer?"

- "Step 1: Touch Grass (Optional)"

- "Primordial Chaos is just spicy air."

Sitting in the "audience" were unfortunate souls dragged from nearby universes, a confused dragon, a crying demon general, and a random cat wearing a wizard hat.

Arthur tapped the blackboard with a pointer stick made of pure sarcasm.

He cleared his throat.

"Welcome, everybody, to How to Become a Cosmic Disaster 101," he said, voice perfectly serious.

The dragon raised a claw. "I, I think I'm in the wrong place"

Arthur's Eyes of Sloth flickered lazily.
"Nope. You're exactly where fate wants you. Shut up and listen."

The dragon shut up.

Arthur flipped a page on his invisible clipboard.

"Step One: Be traumatized. Real bad. Like 'your family was erased and you got dragged into a horror movie' bad."

The demon general looked uncomfortable. The cat licked its paw.

"Step Two: Acquire something stupidly overpowered," Arthur continued, twirling his pointer. "Preferably an ancient, cursed artifact that gives you existential nightmares. Or two. Or maybe three. Who's counting?"

He snapped his fingers.

A floating image of the Eyes of Wrath and Eyes of Sloth appeared, spinning dramatically.

Arthur winked. "Side effects may include spontaneous combustion, time distortion, and accidentally becoming hotter than all your friends."

The dragon coughed. "Hotter, like?"

"Shut up," Arthur said kindly.

He pointed at the next bullet point.

"Step Three: Stop caring about physics."

Arthur kicked the blackboard. It shattered into confetti.

"Gravity? Logic? Cause and effect? Cute. Ignore them. Reality is now a suggestion, and you're the jerk who always says 'no.'"

The cat applauded.

Arthur grinned.
"Good cat."

He held up three fingers.

"Step Four: Cultivate an unhealthy relationship with chaos."

Behind him, reality itself twisted into a giant swirling middle finger pointed at the gods.

The demon general sobbed quietly.

"And finally..."
Arthur paused for dramatic effect, his Eyes of Sloth glowing faintly.

He leaned forward, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper:

"Step Five: Always make it fun."

The cat stood on two legs and clapped.

Arthur ruffled the cat's wizard hat.

"Congratulations," he said brightly. "You're now a fully licensed Cosmic Disaster. Go forth and ruin everyone's day."

The dragon fainted.
The demon ran screaming into the void.
The cat teleported away to open a bakery.

Arthur dusted off his hands, smiling proudly.

Another successful lecture.

He turned toward the reader, winked, and whispered:

"See you at the end of the universe."

 [End of Bonus Chapter]