Another weird dream. I was still in the weird empty box-room, but I thought I heard ocean waves that time. Of course, there was no body of water to be seen. Oh well. I have an awful headache right now, and I want to sleep more, but looking at the clock… 3:34. Sheesh, I’ve slept for like, two hours... The CD is stuck on about a half second loop.

Stolen and limp

Undoing its skin

Loving no more

Doubled no more

Those would be the full lyrics from the prechorus of the track I was talking about earlier, “Severed,”; I can recognize the bass’ interval from the root to the seventh, but it’s repeated so many times that I’m not sure if the word being sung is ‘loving’ or ‘doubled.’ I always forget which one happens first most of the time anyway. I love it, but I feel like “Other Half” has a really bad habit of skipping, even though I feel like I take pretty decent care of all my discs. I turn the CD player off.

 I yawn, get myself upright and try stretching my arms. There’s… a knock on the door. The librarian. No, no, it’s not him. It can’t be. Rhea!? Before I know it, I’m already halfway to the door from my room. Please be Rhea. Please, please, please, please. I don’t even bother to check the peephole, I just unlock and swing the door open as fast as I possibly can.

I don’t know why I thought there would even be a chance it was Rhea. I feel like it’d be mean to say I’m disappointed, but I don’t think I’ve felt this disheartened for even the biggest of promises not being followed.

“Simon?” How’d he get my address?

He waves at me, smiling with his usual snaggle-toothed grin. “Heya!”

“What are you doing here?”

A sheepish look is on his face, and he taps the toe of one of his boots against the welcome rug. “Er, I was just- Well, you told me to come to the café-” I guess I did. “-and you weren’t there.”

I think for a moment. “Uh, I told you to come Thursday. Today’s Wednesday. I’m off Wednesdays.”

“Oh, my!” Simon’s eyes open up a hair more, which is pretty startling considering how big and open they are on a normal basis. “Uhh-”

I’ve just noticed that one of his hands is wrapped up in gauze. Jesus, I hope nothing serious happened, but the only way to find out is to ask him.

“Holy shit, dude. Your hand. What happened?”

“Eh? Oh.” He holds the injured hand up. “I was petting a cat and it swiped me. Don’t fret, it only looks more flaysome than it really is. Plus, I’ve cleaned it up and got some bacitracin on it; it’ll heal up nicely.”

I found myself sighing, kind of relieved, I guess. I was expecting something crazy like a sick person biting him— not that that’s the confirmed way this hysteria spreads, obviously. Remembering the Laila situation where he cut her finger with that envelope, I maybe should’ve figured he’s just kind of accident-prone. Didn’t know he was into cats, either. “Gotcha. But, uh, anyway, how’d you get my address?”

“Oh, that’s easy. I asked Miss Laila about it.”

Ugh, really, Laila? I guess I couldn’t hide my annoyance anymore, because Simon’s eyebrows furrowed upward.

“Sorry…” His voice became softer, and now I feel bad.

“N-no, hey, it’s okay, I’m just…” Breach of privacy aside, I haven’t told a single person about any of today— but is Simon the person to tell? Honestly, with Rhea missing, I don’t actually have much to lose. Everything is eating at me, and I’m worried if I don’t talk about things now, it’ll all boil over. “Do you… wanna step inside?”

Simon hesitantly perks up. “May I?”

I nod and step aside for him to walk in, closing the door once he’s entered.

“You can hang your jacket on one of the chairs, if you want.”

“Oh, I won’t be long.”

“You sure? We keep it kinda warm in here.”

Simon simply smiles and steps inside.

“My, my, Ever…” Simon sighs after taking a sip of water from a cup I emptied a plastic bottle into (he apparently has a distaste for the ‘suction’ that he feels on his lips when drinking from a smaller opening). “And that bloke from before the library- sounds like a proper bastard, and I mean really a bastard, but I suppose it’s much better than someone having a go at your life… I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.”

I look away.

“That other one… He threw knives at you?” he asks incredulously.

I nod.

“That’s… I’m sorry, Ever, this all must be beyond comprehension, especially with… with your sister.”

*****

B-Side

Coldness. A rare pain. Deafening.

*****

A-Side

The reminder sends something through me that I’m not ready to address, so I just shake my head and go back to a previous talking point. “I just don’t understand. That guy, the librarian- he has to know something, right? He at least knows we’re related. He’s new, but I’ve seen him a couple of times when Rhea and I would go.”

“I imagine he sees a lot of faces every day.”

“But the library here isn’t that busy; even when the Central branch burned down, Rhea didn’t really notice it getting an uptick in people or anything, and she goes- er… she would go a lot.”

“She enjoyed reading?” An invitation to talk more about her, I guess.

“Yeah… She did. She loved nerdy fantasy books. I could never get into those, they’re always so long. Maybe I should try sometime…” I can feel myself getting more emotional again. I’ve told Simon everything. Everything but… the really weird thing that happened when I was with the librarian. The horrible tendrils. I think I can. I feel like I’m ready to, I need to tell someone. He’s the best I’ve got right now, but fear is holding me back. I have to tell him.

We’re in the middle of what feels like the longest silence of my life.

“Simon.”

“Yes?”

“I’m thinking about something you said at the park yesterday.”

“Am I in trouble?”

A single syllable of laughter escapes me. “No, not at all. You said something about some people being born with even stranger quirks than green hair.” I turn my head to look at him, meeting his all-absorbing eyes. “What did you… mean by that?”

Simon stares at me for a moment, then his eyes redirect themselves to the floor.

“I mean, you don’t have to answer literally, but, like…”

“You want to know if I truly believe that? If I’ll stand by my word?” Uh, well… “You applied that sentiment to something about yourself, and…” He looks up at the ceiling before he looks back at me. “Well, I don’t really know what else. Ever.” The sound of my name almost snaps me out of my mind wandering to self-loathing. He adjusts his body so he’s facing me. “Ever, I could never reject you for something so silly.”

*****

B-Side

Show us.

*****

A-Side

“It’s- it’s not silly, I mean it. It’s scary. It’s like, the second scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. Not scarier than Rhea disappearing, but scarier than someone trying to knife me from a distance. So much scarier. It’s horrible, awful. I’m-” Fuck, I can feel myself freaking out all over again. “I’m a fucking freak- a monster!”

“Ever…” Simon’s voice stays so calm.

“I can never tell anyone about this ever- I’d be killed if anyone ever found out!”

“Ever, hey…”

“I’ll die, I’ll die!”

Breathing is difficult. Thinking a million thoughts per moment. Too dangerous. Rhea would’ve understood. “I didn’t want to be whatever it is, I didn’t want to do it, it just happened and it hurt and he looked at me like I was some kind of monster, and I don’t want this to be happening to me, I don’t want it and I want it out!”

*****

B-Side

Shit.

*****

A-Side

Simon pulls my wrists apart from each other. He doesn’t squeeze, but his hands are firm and cold enough to startle me out of moving. He keeps my hands separate long enough for me to see that I’d started scratching at my forearms, where my veins would leave me. They sting because of the scratches, but it looks like no blood was drawn. I meet his face. He looks determined, yet somehow somber.

“I…” He loosens his grip, sliding his hands into my own. Now he squeezes. “I will not let you do that to yourself. If you must as you speak, squeeze my hands instead. What are you… comfortable with telling me?”

His hands are freezing, but it’s sort of nice right now. It’s distracting enough. I don’t immediately realize that my grip’s already tightened. How do I even begin?

“I… there’s… I can’t explain it in a way that won’t make me sound insane. You’d have to see it, but I don’t know how to make it happen.”

“Make what happen, my dear?” I thought there was a hint of uncertainty in his voice, but he otherwise hid it well.

“I… when the librarian threw those knives at me… I didn’t just run away. I… I stopped them. The knives.”

Simon is quiet, waiting for further explanation. His eyes look all over my face for answers, but I know he’ll never get any unless I tell him. I’m still thinking of the words to say when he speaks again, slowly.

“How?” It was the longest, shortest question I’d ever heard.

I sigh. “I… What if you threw something at me?”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“You won’t believe me.”

“It’s causing you this much distress. Even if it’s not real to me, it’s clearly real to you, and I know that’s worth something.”

That’s worth something… That’s worth something.

“I think… I think my veins came out of my body.” Silence. I didn’t notice a change in Simon’s face. “They… shot out of my wrists, I think. And my chest. The biggest ones came from my chest. The librarian was horrified. I don’t blame him; so was I. I couldn’t tell if it actually hurt or if I just thought it did— the veins coming out. They all wrapped around the knives in midair somehow, then tried to, I don’t know, attack him? They were all so fast, because that guy can really throw. I barely saw the first knife that grazed my arm. I felt… tension in my forearms. Like the inside of my arms was being pulled. I think that’s what was hurting me. And then the ones that came from my chest, some crazy number of them becoming one and attacking him. They missed him every time, but… It was horrifying.”

Simon’s expression is somewhat blank, but I can tell he’s thinking really hard about something. Probably questioning why the hell he asked me to hang out yesterday and if it’s too late to get out of this mess. I feel his thumbs slowly rubbing across the backs of my hands, so I look down. It’s… nice. Reassuring. I want to smile, but I can't find it in myself.

“Ever…”

“It’s okay, Simon, I get it. It’s weird. Should be impossible. You always know what to say, but I totally get if there’s nothing right now.”

A gentle chitter came from him. “I’m not afraid. I know you’d never hurt me.”

Relief.

“It must be scary for you.”

“It is.”

“I’m sorry.” He’s not afraid. It absolutely baffles me, the way he sounds right now. How is he so calm while taking me seriously?

“I’m… I’m gonna be okay. I know I will be.”

“So you can’t control it very well? Was that the only time they… ‘shot out?’ ”

“Yeah. I’m afraid to go outside. I have no idea what makes it ‘go,’ I guess. What if I grab, like, a person?”

“I think that’s a fair fear. Aside from being attacked, did anything happen before they emerged?”

It didn’t take me long at all to remember. “I… Well, I thought I was dead… Warmth, I guess. All kinds of emotional warmth and things that are actually really beautiful. I think they were memories. Just the good ones. No specific moments, just familiar, comforting sensations.”

Now Simon looks confused, but it leaves his face quickly.

“I know,” I say with a laugh. “It’s all nice and lovely and then I turn into a creature from a horror film.”

Simon chuckles and shakes his head. “You’re no horror, Ever. Far from it. I know you don’t know that, but I do. I promise you there are much scarier monsters than that.”

I’m not too sure if I’m comforted by that or not. There’d really better not be anything worse.

“I will keep your secret,” Simon assures me. “Please, do take care that it isn’t somehow triggered out of the blue again.” I nod, and he sighs. “There are no real concrete steps for this, but… what comes next? Surely you don’t plan to stay in here forever, do you?”

“No way. I have to meet with a detective later today to help start the search for Rhea, and after that… I dunno, I’ll just leave at night where less people are around and look for her.”

“Sounds awfully dangerous to do alone, Ever.”

“Don’t you do a lot of wandering around at night? No offense, but you’re a bit smaller than I am, and I’m not the biggest guy either, so-”

Simon laughs. “Okay, okay, okay, but it’s… different. I’ve spent a lot of time outside.”

“And I haven’t? How do you know I haven’t?” I ask lightheartedly, stifling a chuckle. I mean, he’s right, I don’t spend the most time outside, but still!

“Wha-” He laughs again. “It’s not- I mean- It’s more of a statement of myself rather than of you! I wasn’t saying- C-come on, then!”

We devolve into laughter together, and just like that, things are okay for a moment.