It started with a can of beer and a confession he never expected.

…

“He’s a guy,” Shihwan repeated.

Insu swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched Shihwan hand him a can of opened beer. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. How was it that his best friend of eighteen years could so calmly admit that he was in love with another man?

In love? He froze.

“You’re gay?” Insu asked, his voice slightly higher than normal.

Shihwan tilted his head as if he had never really thought of it. “I guess… yeah, since the person I am interested in is a guy.”

You guess?... That was all he had to say?

Insu had known that he was gay sixteen years ago, and he had yet to come out to a single person on the proper side of his life.

He had mulled over it repeatedly, wondering when or if he should ever tell Shihwan, and yet… here Shihwan was telling Insu that he was the one who was in love with a man.

Insu took a deep breath before sitting down on the sofa of Shihwan’s one-bedroom apartment before the full revelation hit him.

And suddenly he felt like crying. All those years of holding back because he thought Shihwan was straight, because he didn’t want to risk two decades of friendship over a possibility, shattered with the realization that it wouldn’t have mattered.

Shihwan could love men… he was simply not interested in him.

Insu felt his fingers tremble slightly, and he quickly reached into his pocket for his cigarettes, pulling one out. But before he could light it, Shihwan lifted it from his lips.

Insu stared at him in surprise before his eyes narrowed into a glare.

Shihwan gave him a soft smile in return. “You promised you’d stop. I need you to stay with me for a long time.”

Insu froze. It was things like this—heart wrenching things he’d say with barely a thought that made it so hard for Insu to give up on him.

When he felt a slight tremble in his lips, he cursed before grabbing the can of beer in front of him and taking a long sip.

“Is it really that much of a problem?” asked Shihwan softly, after having watched him in silence for a long while. Insu turned to him. “Will this affect our friendship?”

A flicker of nervousness broke through Shihwan’s usual calm. Insu paused; he had never seen such an expression on his friend’s face before. His heart ached.

“No,” Insu replied gruffly, turning away. “Of course not.”

Shihwan sighed, a relieved smile on his lips as he gazed at the useless cigarette in his hand.

Insu felt like kicking himself. Shihwan had just admitted to him that he was in love with another man. So why did he have to make him feel so significant? Was a childhood friend’s opinion really so important to him? 

If he objected, then would he…

Insu grimaced then shook his head, hating the fact that his mind had gone there. What the hell was he thinking? There was no way Insu would do that. Even if he loved the guy, Insu was his friend first and foremost.

“So,” said Insu, trying to sound casual as he pulled out another cigarette and turning before Shihwan could take it from him. “What’s this guy like?”

Shihwan watched him, a frown on his face, before settling down on the floor beside him. “He’s small and cute with short, fluffy hair. He reminds me of a little Pomeranian.”

The exact opposite of me.

Insu swallowed the lump in his throat and quickly lit his cigarette. “Well, I suppose you always wanted a dog.”

Shihwan let out a small laugh.

Insu cleared his throat. “So then what makes you think you love him?” He turned back to him just in time to see a small, reminiscing smile on Shihwan’s face.

His gut twisted. He quickly took a puff of his cigarette.

“Someone bumped into him and scattered the flyers he had been holding. Most people would be annoyed—”

I certainly would, thought Insu dejectedly.

“But he simply smiled and apologized like it was his fault. I helped him and… I don’t know, the smile he gave me—” He pointed to his chest. “I felt a pang here.”

Insu turned away, the lump threatening to rise up once more in his throat. He took another puff in hopes of hiding the trembling of his lips.

“It’s a first for me,” Shihwan continued, a small smile on his face. “Have you ever felt like that?”

Too focused on his own depressive feelings, Insu replied thoughtlessly. “Yeah,” he said gruffly, then froze, his eyes wide.

He turned back to see Shihwan staring at him, his brows knotted in confusion. “Who?”

Insu cleared his throat. He needed to change the topic. “Weren’t you in the middle of rhapsodizing over your puppy? He’s small, he’s cute, he yaps at the heel of every cyclist—what else?”

Shihwan blinked, watching as Insu awkwardly turned away.

He sighed, knowing it was no use pressing the issue. Insu had always been secretive. So much so that sometimes he wondered if Insu saw him as his best friend in the same way Shihwan did.

He shook his head; it wasn’t something he could solve now. He opened his mouth to answer Insu’s questions when he paused… There was something in the air.

Something unfamiliar. 

It was faint—woody, citrusy, and musky. It felt invasive. And it was coming from…

He stared at Insu in confusion.

He knew Insu’s smell; he knew the type of cologne he used, the type of soap, and shampoo too. He even knew the smell of his sweat, having spent many summers in the hot, humid countryside together. But this was nothing like any of those smells. So then…

His body on full alert, Shihwan felt himself leaning toward his best friend.

Insu looked back at him in surprise before reeling back.

“What’s—What’s wrong with you?” he asked, startled at Shihwan’s expression.

“What… is that smell?” Shihwan said quietly, his brows furrowed. He didn’t know why, but… he didn’t like it.

Insu's nose scrunched up in confusion. Smell? Did he smell? He had made sure to shower before arriving at Shihwan’s apartment.

He sniffed his armpits but could only smell soap. 

Shihwan blinked, then, as if he noticed himself encroaching too far into Insu’s space, pulled back a bit. “There’s a smell coming off of you.”

Insu sniffed again. “What smell?”

Shihwan paused and met his eyes. “You smell… like another guy.”

Insu’s eyes widened slightly in panic before he quickly tamped it down.

He laughed softly. “What the hell are you talking about? How could I smell like some other guy?”

“That’s what I want to know,” Shihwan said softly, his gaze intense. “You smell like a cheap hotel room and… sweat.”

Insu laughed awkwardly. “What’s with you? Maybe it’s this new cologne I bought, and it was hot today, so—”

Shihwan shook his head. “I know your scent.”

Insu’s eyes widened. “What?”

“What were you doing?” Shihwan asked suddenly, his eyes and voice low and intense.

“Hey, enough, you’re getting too close.” Insu pushed him away with an outstretched palm.

“I don’t like it…” Shihwan said softly, and Insu froze.

Badamp. Badamp.

Insu swallowed and felt his palms grow cold. “What?”

He licked his lips, fidgeting in his seat. What didn’t he like? He looked up and met Shihwan’s beautiful brown eyes.

“I don’t like it,” Shihwan repeated, his gaze unwavering from his. “Don’t go smelling like other guys.”

.