In a state of panic, Lucien got up from his bed and ran out of his room. 

But when he stepped out and in the hallways, he paused. Lucien's eyes scanned the well-lit path that led to the other rooms. Nostalgia was like an arrow that shot him straight in the head. It wasn't pleasant, it wasn't nice. His memories that were supposed to help him relieve his anxiety only served as torture devices that constantly pummeled through the tough facade he had built over the years.

He wanted to puke his stomach out. The anxiety was creeping on his skin like harsh winter winds that only existed around him when it was summer for everyone else. 

But he decided not to waste more time. He had always been like this, anxious of tomorrow but still faced what lies ahead just to see another daylight with Izek.

Except there was no Izek here right now. 

If this nightmare brought him back to the past where his family were still alive, he would have to guess Izek is somewhere in the palace too. 

"Fuck this..." Lucien cursed. 

Every thought, every corner, every memory that popped in his head.

Izek. Izek. Izek. 

They were all about Emperor Ezekiel. He hated himself for it. Even in the afterlife, Izek's torture did not end. Lucien was still being haunted and hunted by the man he revered like a god. 

For a second, his body faltered. Lucien leaned on the wall when his knees became weak. 

"Why can't you just stop..." He whispered. "Please, Cien... Stop thinking about him... You're dead, you died because of him..." The desperate pleas of a cursed man like Lucien Blackwell echoed in the empty hallway. 

No one heard him, not even himself. 

A few seconds passed and Lucien let out a chuckle. Isn't that ironic? He was the only person who heard his own pleas yet his mind refused to submit to such requests. Even Lucien himself denied the request to stop thinking about Izek.

"Such a pathetic coward as always..." He taunted. Once he gathered enough strength to stand again, Lucien continued to travel the silent corridors of their estate. Using his blurry memory about the directions of the estranged estate, he eventually found himself standing in front of a room that he remembered all too well. 

Lucien's eyes then looked at the stone with a strange symbol engraved on it that was placed on the wall beside the doorknob. 

If his memory serves him right, then this was the magic stone that served as the 'lock' of the room. Keys weren't traditionally used in this place. This was one of the few places in the entire estate that did not need traditional keys inserted in the knob to open the door. 

Instead...

Lucien raised his hand. His eyes wafted towards the back of it and he gulped. Slowly, he brought his hand towards the magic stone with strange engraves. 

If he really did come back to the past, he would-

A faint light appeared on his palm and a translucent magic circle appeared on the back of his hand. 

Lucien's entire core shook. His eyes widened and it felt like something was stuck in his throat that he had a hard time breathing for a few seconds. 

It didn't take long before the door automatically unlocked on its own and slowly opened. 

But the young man remained standing at the entrance, still unable to shake off the haunting feeling of seeing the same magic circle on his hand. 

But why is that?

"I... I remember having this unique family trait removed from my entire system by the mage tower ten years ago..." Lucien tasted the bitterness welling up in his mouth. Was he really sent back to the past? He was scared. 

Lucien Blackwell was afraid. 

If this was a nightmare, there's no way he would be able to use the Blackwell family's magic at all. When he successfully eliminated his family from the picture, he, too, abandoned his lineage. Lucien had every traces of his connection to the family removed as an attempt to show Izek that he solely belonged to the emperor. 

"God... what have you done..." He whispered in horror.

"S-Sir Lu- I-I mean, Young Master Lucien!" Lucien was brought out of his internal thoughts when he heard the voice of a man in front of him. There, he saw a group of young men seemingly to be on their way out of the room.

Their eyes were wide and they had an awkward look on their faces. Contrast to Lucien who looked like a deer caught in headlights with his eyes wide and a grim look on his face, the young men looked at each other secretly. 

Of all the time they ran into the family's troublesome child!

"Are you here to use the library, young mast-"

"Yes. Please leave me be for now." 

The group had no choice but to lower their heads and make their exit. Lucien was finally alone. The silence brought him torture again but he paid it no mind. According to his memories, those were most likely scholars of the family.

The Blackwells were known to amass immense wealth and power. Even amongst the nobility, they shone like black diamonds - elegant and mysterious that anyone cannot help but be drawn to them. 

Excluding Lucien.

Not just that, the Blackwells were also one of the few families in the empire that had a unique magic passed down from generations to generations. Each newborn child that belonged in the Blackwell Household inherited this magic. 

Including Lucien. 

But despite their uniqueness, the Blackwells continued spreading their goodness amongst the people. They sponsored scholars who one day would play a big role in society. The Blackwells were kind and hospitable. If they saw potential in a person, they'd help him unlock that aspect of theirs. 

Except for Lucien.

The young man smiled bitterly. Every time he thought of something good about the Blackwells, there was always an exception of him. He used to feel like an outcast of the Blackwell Household. 

"It doesn't matter now. I've long been past through this stage of my life." He walked inside and instantly, nostalgia struck once more. 

But this time, it didn't just hurt him. It healed him a bit too. 

Lucien was conflicted of what to feel. 

Most of his childhood memories were made in this very library that the estate protected dearly. All those times he pursued advanced magic and studies, all those years he spent learning how to become a perfect Blackwell. They all came crashing down on his current self. 

Lucien was relieving memories he had long forgotten. 

The door automatically closed and locked behind him whereas Lucien walked in the library. His eyes could not help but look at every corner that he used to easily memorize. 

It was just like back then. 

He found the silence comforting this time. He was in a space that he knew he was safe. In this library, Lucien kept all of his secrets. In this library, he learned how to read and write.

In this library, Lucien grew up. 

Lucien eventually made it at the furthest part of the library where no one came. Old books were piled on shelves and these books emitted a comforting smell of time and age. He slivered his way amongst those shelves until he came into a familiar spot. A small and cramped space that he used as his personal sanctuary as a kid. 

A small table and chair stood out of this part like a sore thumb.

However, no one batted an eye on it. Not anyone knew of this anyway - but those who did knew that this was Lucien Blackwell's little corner that he loved studying on. 

Lucien's heart ached at the memory. 

Slowly, he made his way towards the table and sat on the chair. His fingers traced the corner of the wooden table too. 

"It's clean..." he murmured. Lucien remembered having a small habit of keeping his personal space tidy. If there wasn't a single speck of dust in his table, that meant he had just recently cleaned it. 

If he recently cleaned this table then...

His eyes darted on the pile of books on top, particularly on the book that was secretly kept between the wall and the pile. 

Lucien's heart pounded again. 

Why was this nightmare giving him such memories to recall? Shouldn't he be constantly punished for his crimes against his family and friends? Why was the nightmare giving him a chance to recall such a precious moment like this. 

With shaking hands, he grabbed the book well-hidden from plain sight.

"My Study Journal..." he read and Lucien almost cried at the familiar title of the book. His eyes then read the name etched below it.

"Owned by Lucien Adrien Blacwell..." a smile unknowingly crept on his face. 

He hadn't heard his full name in such a long time. He always went by Lucien and nothing else when he was with the emperor. 

But hearing his name brought so many memories on Lucien's mind. 

And unknowingly... he cried. Lucien closed his eyes as he brought the book closer until it touched his forehead. 

"My name... my identity..." Lucien sobbed quietly as he felt years of pain and regret come out again. "That's my name..." he whispered. It pained him so much knowing that he discarded his name just to become 'Lucien'. 

A name that was always aligned with the emperor's. A name that brought fear to the people. A name that felt hollow.

'Is this a part of your torture too?' He thought as he sniffed and rubbed his eyes. Was Lucien remembering his younger self a part of this mockery he currently was going through? 

It is a wicked play. 

To make a sorrowful man regretting his past relive that same life was cruel. 

Lucien, with small sobs, opened the book. Tears dropped on every page. 

He read every entry that he made. About how his day went and what he learned. About what he studied and what he experimented on. 

Up until the last page. He read the last entry written on the book. It talked about how he studied the geography of the empire and memorized every last city and their contribution to society.

Lucien remembered this too. He remembered this entry.

But more specifically, what he was looking for was...

His eyes went at the top right part of the page where the last entry was. There, the year was indicated. 

"244 S.E..." He murmured. 

Eighteen years before the year he died by Ezekiel's sword. 

His hands trembled as he gently laid the book down. Lucien started to wallow in grief once more. 

The symbol on his hand, the scholars, the library... Emilio...

"I've been sent back to the past...?" He spoke with a shaky voice. This wasn't just a nightmare. This wasn't just torture by the gods of the afterlife.

This was divine punishment for Lucien Blackwell who committed the gravest sins ever recorded in the eyes of humanity and gods alike.

"You're telling me to go and relive my life before everything went down?" He asked. 

If only he could scream at the gods... if only he could scream at Izek...

"What have you done to me, Izek?" His grief and sorrow slowly turned to anger. 

Why was he being punished like this? Why didn't they just let him die? He wanted to escape everything. He didn't want to fix things - he didn't want to fix what was already long shattered and broken.

He wanted to escape.

But he's here... in the living flesh of Lucien Blackwell eighteen years ago.

"Hah...." He scoffed as tears continued pouring from his eyes. 

"Right... you're always making me work for everything..." If only Emperor Ezekiel was here with him right now, Lucien would have cursed him. "And now you're making me work again to rewrite the past? You gotta be kidding me, Izek..." He laughed despite the endless cries. 

"Fine. I'll rewrite the past. I'll rewrite everything." His resolve strengthened at the same time his walls came crashing down.

"I'll rewrite my mistakes, and this time... including you..." 

Whether this was a nightmare or a punishment, this was Lucien's new reality.