OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE

Department of Nocturnal Operations

Tooth Collection & Night Sentinel Division

FROM: Judith T. Fairy, Regional Tooth Collection Specialist (Area 42-B)
TO: The Child at This Address
RE: Important Information Regarding Your Night Protection Services

Dear Young Resident,

As per regulation 42-B, subsection 7, I am required to inform you of certain facts regarding the darkness in your room and the services provided to you since your first birthday.

First, I must tell you that most people have it completely backwards. The dark isn't where scary things hide, it's where the protectors watch over you.

You have been assigned two (2) Night Sentinels, as is standard protocol for all children. These sentinels completed their training just after you were born and reported for duty following your first birthday. They are odd creatures, I'll grant you that; furry, mostly invisible during daytime, and they communicate primarily through grunts (though I must warn you, as per statute 19-C, NEVER get into a group chat with a Night Sentinel. You'll be absolutely inundated with messages. They text very well, you see, and have rather a lot of opinions about everything).

Your sentinels sleep during the day in the darkest corners of your home, top of your dusty wardrobes, that shadowy bit of the understairs cupboard, or perhaps even the loft. They sleep VERY soundly and could easily snooze through any chaos you might cause. But the moment they hear your snores at night, they wake immediately and begin their nightly duties.

IMPORTANT NOTICE REGARDING MONSTERS:

Monsters, as defined in regulation 7-A, are more scared of you than you are of them. A child's scream can hurt their ears so badly they'll run away in tears to go live under a bridge where they normally live (we have this on good authority). They primarily come to steal:

• One (1) sock, occasionally two (2) if they're feeling bold
• Small toys for chewing purposes
• Sometimes pointy toys, unfortunately for bottom scratching purposes
• Absolutely NOT your special toys, even the silliest monster knows some things are off limits

Your special toys, you see, hold your love, which makes them quite powerful indeed. Monsters fear these items considerably. Your Night Sentinels know exactly which toys are special and guard them with particular diligence.

If you are very lucky or unlucky if you think about it, you may see some monsters in the wild near a bridge, unfortunately they often like to expose their backsides to the sun, they call it having “toasty tushies” which is apparently the best feeling for a monster apart from eating a smelly sock.  Now as you know they are mostly harmless but do not be tempted to smack a monster on its tanned backside as you’ll probably cause it to run off in tears, which is embarrassing for all, especially when you realise you’ve just touched a monsters butt!  If you do, please wash your hands immediately and thoroughly, if you knew half what I do about monsters and their backsides you’ll probably want to wash them twice!

WARNING: Under statute 15-A, feeding monsters is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. It only encourages them, and before you know it, they'll be after your father's beer. A drunk monster is not something anyone wants to encounter. Trust me on this matter.

Now, you may occasionally glimpse your sentinels, a shadow moving in the corner of your eye at night. This is nothing to fear. It's probably just a sentinel shifting their weight or having a scratch of their backside (which, I regret to inform you, they do more often than even your granddad).

I should also mention that sentinels refuse to sleep under beds during night duty. According to their official complaint filed in document 244-J: "Do you know how many times children fart at night? Despite having no noses, we can taste the air, and it is MOST unpleasant!"

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

When you lose a tooth and place it under your pillow, your sentinels send me an urgent message using our special code: TEETH - Tiny Enamel Emergency, Tooth Here! I then collect the tooth and leave payment as per the standard exchange rate.

These teeth are extremely valuable. They are sold to the Wizard who lives on the moon, who grinds them up for his spell to keep the Earth spinning. Without this spell, we'd all float off into space! You can tell when he's working hard, those are the nights when the moon is bright. He usually takes a week off each month (hence the dark moon), but then it's back to work.

The Earth needs a little more help these days, so the Wizard must work harder, hence the moon is so dusty, all those teeth ground down for his spell.  There was an incident many years ago when a large sea monster tried to stop the world spinning, apparently he said he was feeling dizzy, but the water folk sung lullabies to lull him asleep and the continued gentle spinning of Earth rocks him like a cradle, "so nothing to fear there for quite some time, I can assure you.

FINAL NOTES:

Your Night Sentinels will remain with you until they decide you're old enough to protect yourself (usually long after your baby teeth are gone). They grow to love their assigned child, no matter how naughty, and when they leave, they return to their caves around the world to be with their families. Very few choose to guard another child, as the bond is too strong.

Oh, and in case you're wondering (as per disclosure requirement 88-D): when you swallow a tooth, we do still find it. In your poo. It's not a pleasant job, but duty is duty.

So please remember: the darkness is full of protectors, not threats. Those bumps in the night? Probably just a sentinel doing their job or having a good scratch. Nothing to fear at all!

Yours in official capacity,

Judith T. Fairy
Regional Tooth Collection Specialist
License #: TF-4827-B

P.S. - I'm not supposed to tell you this (it requires Level 10 clearance), but there are many of us tooth fairies, and the whole operation is headed by Santa. Don't tell anyone I told you that, I could get in terrible trouble!

This letter is an official document of the Department of Nocturnal Operations. Any reproduction without express permission is prohibited under statute 101-A. Night Sentinels are registered trademark of the D.N.O.