“What?” Insu said, staring at Shihwan in disbelief.

He didn’t understand why it was so shocking. After all, he had been ready for it since the day Shihwan had told him that he had feelings for a guy. A natural next step would have been to confess.

And plus, it wasn’t as though Shihwan had never been in a relationship before.

Insu met Shihwan’s gaze. The usual calm in Shihwan’s face had given way to a different emotion: alarm.

Suddenly, Shihwan stepped forward and grabbed Insu’s hand.

Insu stared at their clasped hands for a long moment, not quite registering what was happening.

“Sorry, I didn’t think—Is it because I didn’t tell you before I confessed?” Shihwan asked, confusion clear on his face. “I guess it’s shocking for you to witness me actually trying to date a guy.”

“What?” Insu replied, dumbfounded, pulling his hand away more fiercely than he had intended. Why did he keep getting it wrong? Did he really think Insu was homophobic?

Had his heart not hurt, the irony would have made him laugh.

“No.”

Shihwan gently smiled, his shoulders sagging a bit with relief. “No, of course not; that’s not like you at all. You were just worried, right?”

Worried? Of course he was worried. The idea of him liking a guy or anyone had plagued his sleep for the past few nights.

But even more than that, he was annoyed. It felt like he had been played. All those moments of possessiveness Shihwan had displayed fed the hope within him when he had been trying to squash it like a bug and, for good measure, ground it—guts and all—into the dirt.

“It’s only been a few weeks, and you confessed already?” Insu asked, taking a deep breath. He needed to understand better. Sixteen years, and he couldn’t even admit that he was gay, but it had only taken this fool three weeks or so to come out and confess.

Insu grimaced, suddenly feeling like a damn coward.

He shut his eyes and pressed his fingers against his eyelids, trying to take back control over his emotions. “Isn’t it too soon?”

Shihwan let out a small laugh.

Insu looked up.

“Yeah, I think it was,” Shihwan said softly, a strange unfamiliar tinge of hurt in his voice. Insu took that moment to look at him closer.

Shihwan looked a bit worn.

“He rejected me.”

Insu blinked. What? “He…” he said slowly, trying to process the information. “Rejected you?”

Then suddenly, he became angry.

Why? Did that stupid little puppy not realize just how valuable it was to get someone like Shihwan to fall for him?

“Why would he reject you?” Insu asked, indignation making his voice hoarse. “Is he crazy? Did he think he could find someone better than you?”

Shihwan watched Insu rant for a while before a small smile formed on his face.

Insu stopped and stared at him as though Shihwan had lost his mind. “What the hell’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you more angry?”

Shihwan laughed softly before pulling Insu along with him as he began to walk again.

“I don’t need to be since you’re angry enough for the both of us.”

He laughed again when Insu glared at him with annoyance.

Shihwan smiled, then sighed a moment later. “You know,” he said with a soft look on his face. “Since I left Boram, I had this weird thought that… what if only I had fallen for you instead?”

“What?” Insu said, the shock making him trip over his own feet.

Shihwan casually caught him in his arms. “I know it’s stupid, but I just couldn’t help it. If only I had fallen for you, and if only you were interested in me in that way.” He laughed then and gave Insu an embarrassed smile. “Sorry if I’m freaking you out.”

As they continued to walk, he stared up at his best friend. 

Insu couldn’t believe what he was hearing. What kind of nonsense was this man spouting? Was he seriously that stupid? Did Insu seriously fall for such a stupid idiot moron?

No, no. Insu shook his head. He had not revealed even an iota of his feelings to Shihwan. He couldn’t—just the thought alone made him cringe with fear and embarrassment.

But still… Even if, god forbid, Shihwan had somehow found out about Insu’s deepest, darkest desires, how could he just casually say that to a guy friend?

He’s nuts.

Too caught up in his panicky conversation with himself, Insu didn’t realize that Shihwan had brought them to Insu’s apartment until he heard the click of the door closing behind them.

Insu blinked as Shihwan moved toward the kitchen and opened the fridge door to pull out a packet of beers he had left the last time he had visited. 

He held them up, then smiled— that gorgeous, dimpled smile that Insu could never look away from.

“You’re going to help me drink away my sorrows, right?” he asked.

Insu stared at him in disbelief, still reeling from his comment from earlier. He couldn’t help but think it was a bad idea…

But despite that, he found his feet moving forward, towards Shihwan, a sigh escaping his lips as he shoved down the small voice in his heart that sadly whimpered, What about me?

.