Perhaps this letter had its reasons why it was never delivered. Somehow the off-coloured envelop made him curious today. He thought of opening it before dumping after these long years of ignorance.
The letter looked shabby as it was written way back. It was neatly written as if the person took utmost care to write each and every word. He read it….
“Hi !!! I know you hate me and don’t want to read this at all but please do read it….
Aradhya…I know it’s useless now to tell you all these but I can’t go like this anymore…I need to confess all the things before I leave.
We both know what we mean to each other. I always loved you and cared about you. And I know you too did feel the same for me.
We cried a lot and laughed a lot, quarreled a lot and loved a lot, but it was beautiful… because it was genuine.
Adapted with everything related to you, I wanted to live my life for you… with you!!! The time left in my hand, I want to spend all of these with you and you only. But I don’t want you to get used to me. I’m afraid what will happen when I’ll not be with you anymore. Since I can’t do what I wish for, it’s always very difficult for me to suppress my overwhelmed emotions. Believe me! I hate myself for hurting you. And it is never easy to hurt the one I love.
Since I gave pain to you, I’m going far away so that you won’t be hurt anymore, so that you won’t cry anymore and so that you could smile some more.
The day I pushed you away when you tried to hug me, I cursed my hands for doing so.
The day I deleted all our pictures from my phone infront of you, beforehand I had secretly transferred it to my other phone but pretended to delete them all.
The day I insulted you infront of my colleagues, I cried the whole night.
The day I bad-mouthed about you infront of my friends, my inner self died that day.
You know! I can’t reveal how badly I’m longing for you now, how badly I want myself to be with you, how helpless I was when I got the news. Nothing can be done to save me. I can’t show a run-down part of me, so I camouflaged my feelings and my utter despair. I tried every possible way to move you away…… but deep within… I still want you!!
Aradhya! I still can’t believe that I’ll no longer be able to see you and be with you. I’m just bearing this because this is all that I can do.
I really want to make you mine but I know I can never do that. I cannot see you carrying the burden of me throughout your whole life…I have to hide!!!
The day I got the news of my disease, I cried…cried a lot…day and night. Not because I am dying within a few years but because I won’t be able to be with you anymore. The dreams we built together for our future shattered with the coming of this news.
From that day onwards I decided that I have to build a distance between us so that it becomes easier for you to leave me and forget me. I know I have hurt you by this foolish act but I have no choice. I can’t let you live your whole life mourning after my death.
You thought you had a hard time dealing with my annoying behavior? Right? But you are wrong… it is much harder for me to do so. I tried to be happy when you left me...tried to be happy when you chose someone else…tried to be happy when you got married to him…tried to be happy when you moved abroad…I was happy when I saw you again after these two long years…I was happy to see you again yesterday...I was happy to see your kid …!!!
It’s my fate and I know it. I know I can never see you like before, find you beside me like before and I also know that you won’t come to see me like before; still I want some few more time, just a bit more to see you again before I close my eyes forever. I want my eyes to paste your picture into the iris before I close it forever so that after my rebirth I can see you as soon as I open my eyes.
It’s my fate. You don’t have to come to see me now as I won’t be there. You don’t have to cry for me now as I won’t be there. And please don’t wish anything for me now as I can’t go to you. There will be nothing left even if you want to see me. There won’t be even my name that you can call me.
Yes!
Soon I’ll be covered with sands all over me and I’ll be waiting for you to put flowers on me. I promise I’ll hug and touch you through the blowing wind. But you must not cry anymore as I’ll not be able to wipe away your tears.
I want to stay, I want to dream more but now it’s time to leave. It’s funny to say this but I’m counting my breath now. I still wonder how beautiful it would be if we could be together. I still wonder the best part of it. Promise now to me that we will meet again and our story will be much beautiful that ever. Let’s intertwine our pinkies and promise till we meet again.
Nihar”
Tears rolled one after another through his cheeks. Mr. Nair started to sob.
Soon it turned out into a loud burst and he started to cry in bewail. The very next moment the crowd encircled him. His colleagues, seeing him shriek, came to look for him and stop him from crying. And he cried more for some time.
Mr. Nair, while holding the piece of paper in one hand, the other hand gripping his forehead, looked awful. The crowd still waited for him to speak.
“Nihar...” was the very first word he spoke before he cried for another round. When his tears dried up signaling his eyes that were red enough that he could cry no more, he spoke in a low tone, “How can I be so noxious? I didn’t knew that I had ruined a person’s last wish when I fabricated the letter.... (sob) my this cunning and murky act ...(sob) how can I forgive myself...(sob)how will I look into my daughter’s eyes now...I feel loathe for myself.” And he cried some more.
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