“I know this is a big surprise for you all.”

Those were Lan’s first words after greeting her classmates. Still, everybody remained in silence, still processing what they were seeing with their very own eyes. Lan, a girl? Not even in their wildest dreams they could imagine that the adventurous and sometimes clumsy boy that they knew for so long would appear before them as a girl. On her part, Lan expected that initial shock. It was normal, such a big change could surprise anybody, especially after disappearing for one month. She was nervous, but tried to remain calm. She had a lot to explain.

“You probably have lots of questions about me and this change, so I’ll try to explain as simple as I can”, said Lan with a happy tone.

Lan had already prepared her words. She had practiced them before. The days prior to her return to school, she would go over and over about what she was going to say.

“Truth is, for the last months, I have thought a lot about myself”, explained Lan, closing her eyes and putting her right hand on her chest. “I thought about who I am. I had to look deep inside me. It was quite a ride, I gotta say. I guess there’s no other way to say this than… I am a girl!”.

Just in case there was someone else doubting, Lan’s words were clear and enthusiastic. She was a girl. Everybody could see that, and still, they couldn’t understand why or how it happened. There was just a small reaction from Yai, who covered her mouth and murmured:

“Are you serious?”.

She was trying not to be heard. Yai didn’t mean it in a bad way, she was just as surprised as everybody else. However, she wasn’t as discrete as she thought, because Lan giggled and said:

“Yes, Yai, I’m serious”.

“Ups” was the only thing Yai could say after being found out. Lan giggled. She knew Yai was quite open about her opinions, and given how important those news were, her friend couldn’t control her own reactions. Lan expected something like that would happen and knew not to give it that much relevance. Instead, she continued her explanation.

“Believe it or not, for a long time, I never felt comfortable as a boy”, explained Lan. “The way others saw me and how I saw myself… I knew it wasn’t right, but back then, I didn’t know what it was. I ignored it for a long time, thinking it was normal, but… for the last months, that feeling was stronger”.

Those words brought back memories of months ago. The discomfort she always felt about her own image, the way she had to arrange her hair, the clothing she used, the activities she had access to. However, she felt pressured to hide that pain, especially when everybody said things like “What a nice boy”, “He’s just like his dad” or “He’ll turn into a fine man”. All those things were painful, but they turned worse after her victories against Dr. Willy and his crimes. The now girl remembered those things as something far in the past, especially after taking so many steps forward.

“Back then, I felt so bad that I talked to my parents. Just like me, they didn’t know what was going on, so they took me to a therapist”, continued Lan. “I talked to her, I finally let out a wish that had been inside me for so long… and that’s when I found out: I am a girl. Knowing that and that I could grow up as a woman made me immensely happier, but also… calmer”.

Lan could still remember those emotions. The storm in her heart subsided as soon as she understood she was a girl. The dreams and wishes she hid for so long could actually turn into reality. That mere thought filled her heart with joy and hope.

“After that, I tried out things at home that I always thought impossible for me”, kept explaining Lan. “I experimented with my hairstyle, tried out lots of cute clothing… I even met other girls like me! It felt so great! All that time was a ride for sure. During the day, at school or other places, I felt I had to fake being someone I was not. I hated it. But at home, I could be myself and I enjoyed that”.

That sure was a weird time. All those hours at school passed slowly. During that time, she tried to focus on the blackboard and the teacher, but every time she saw her reflection in every glass or whenever one of her friends referred to Lan as a boy… that was painful. She remembered running back home as quickly as she could, tossing away all that boy clothing that she hated and changing into her true form. There were also those moments when her mom tried to comfort her, understanding how uncomfortable Lan was at school, and how she tried to cheer her daughter up by helping her with clothing or just chatting.

“After all that, I decided I wanted to be my true self full time. My parents talked to Ms. Mari and explained everything to her. She was quite understanding about all this”, said Lan while turning towards her teacher and giving her a smile. The teacher rested her hand on Lan’s shoulder and returned the smile back. “They told her I would skip this last month for my social transition, that is, to show myself with all these changes, and well… Here I am now!”.

Silence flooded the room. Lan looked at her class, who remained silent. For a moment, she doubted if her classmates actually understood her explanation or even if they had heard anything at all, their faces as shocked as they initially were when the girl entered the class. Suddenly, one of the kids from the back raised his hand nervously and said shyly:

“Excuse me, Ms. Mari, but… I don’t get it yet.”

That was probably the same question everybody else had in their minds, but they were too nervous to ask. Having prepared for the worst, Lan was grateful that someone had made such a question instead of hearing mocks: it was a proof that there was some interest in understanding her. Ms. Mari approached Lan and asked:

“Why don’t I continue explaining?”.

“Yes, ma’am”, answered Lan happily, knowing her teacher would be better at explaining it.

Thus, after clearing her throat, Ms. Mari began her lesson.

“Ok, let me explain. As you know, when you are born, you are told you’re a boy or a girl depending on your body, especially on ‘certain parts’ of the body”, explained Ms. Mari as she turned to the blackboard and drew simple figures of a man and a woman, similar to those showed in bathroom, along with the know gender symbols for male and female next to each other. “That’s usually right for most people, but not for everybody.”

After saying that, Ms. Mari swept the screen and exchanged the gender symbols to the opposite figures, thus showing a woman with the male symbol and a man with the female symbol.

“There are people whose gender doesn’t match they one they’re told. That is, there are men born with women’s ‘certain parts’ and women born with men’s ‘certain parts’, so you understand”, continued Ms. Mari. “They are transgender people, or trans people for short. People whose gender is different than the one they were assigned at birth. There are other identities as well, like no binary, but I will tell you all that at a later lesson.”

A mild “Ooooh” echoed through the room. Lan could understand her classmates, her reaction being the same the first time. She remembered being so happy at the idea, but could her friends be fine with it? At that moment, all she could be sure about was that it was such a new concept, never heard before in that classroom, that they were just amazed. After finishing her doodles, Ms. Mari turned around and looked at the class.

“And Hikari here is a trans girl”, confirmed Ms. Mari happily as she pointed to Lan. “She’s always been a girl, but nobody knew. Instead, everybody thought she was a boy and had to live like that, making her feel discomfort. That discomfort is actually called “gender dysphoria”: something inside you knows you are not being your true self. Not all trans people suffer dysphoria, but Hikari did. Independently, every trans person feels so much better after understanding and living as their true selves. And that’s all! Anything else, Hikari?”.

“Thanks, Ms. Mari! I’m not good at explaining all those technical things”, answered Lan with a giggle. “But yeah, I feel much better now that I can be the girl I am. This doesn’t mean I’m completely different though. Just that I may express myself in new ways and…”.

For a moment, Lan remained in silence. She tried going back to everything she prepared for that moment, but there was something missing. What could that be? Luckily for her, Ms. Mari noticed and whispered to her:

“What about your name?”.

Of course! Her new name! How could she forget about that? She was so nervous about all that moment that she almost forgot the most important thing. Blushing and laughing nervously, she turned towards the blackboard and wrote something in it. Letters big enough so everybody could read her new name: Dial Hikari.

“My name now is Dial. Dial Hikari”, formally introduced herself Dial. “It’s a pleasure to be back and I hope we can get along and still be friends!”.

That was it. Dial said everything she had to share. And Ms. Mari was very helpful in the whole process. However, the ambient was still weird.

Silence turned back. It had such an eerie feeling. Nobody said anything and, for the first time in that morning, Dial got nervous. Was there something wrong? Did they have more doubts? Or maybe… they didn’t accept her?

That was her biggest fear: her friends turning their back at her after revealing her true self. She knew she couldn’t keep living like before, she needed that change. And she hoped her friends would be understanding. But no words. No noise. Just silence, a silence that fueled her fears, making her heart beat faster and stronger.

“Please, don’t tell me…”.

It was all Dial could think as she looked at the other kids, still speechless. Every passing second felt like an eternity. Each second making her think her hopes diminished. Dial looked at Dex and Yai, her friends for several years. They usually would have a snarky or pretentious comment, but she didn’t even get that treatment at that moment. And then, there was Mayl… Dial was so scared at the idea of losing her closest friend that she didn’t even dare to look at her eyes. For a moment, she needed to close her own eyes.

“Mayl… Not you, please!”.

She had imagined that possibility: being alone. That was something she had already heard from other trans people, that not everybody would understand her. She accepted that possibility, she decided to live as her true self even if it meant her friends would drift away… but deep inside, she hoped they would understand and accept her. She was still holding onto that hope, until…

*clap*

Was that an applause? It definitely sounded like that, two hands clapping. That short sound made Dial open her eyes in surprise and looked ahead, where one figure had stood up. Her eyes were a bit blurry because of some tears she was about to cry, but little by little, she could clearly see it: Mayl was right there. She clapped and she kept clapping.

With a blend of shock and joy, Dial kept looking at her friend, who was applauding in the center of the class. But it wasn’t just that: her face was so full of joy and her eyes showed sheer happiness. Mayl was blushing and almost shedding tears. Looking at each other, Dial could feel it: her friend was right there, she waited as promised and liked what she had to show.

But she was not the only one.

Suddenly, the whole class made an uproar of laughs and cheers, happily screaming “Welcome back, Dial!”. Among them, Dex and Yai also applauded as well. Even in her better predictions, Dial didn’t expect such a warm welcome from her classmates. That moved the girl, shedding a tear that went down her cheek as she muttered “You guys…”.

Ms. Mari looked at Dial. She was ready for any possible outcome, but she understood there was nothing to be afraid about: she had an awesome class with a special girl in it.

“Well, Dial, go back to your seat! Class must begin!”, said Ms. Mari happily.

“Y- yes, ma’am!”, answered Dial back while she dried her tears.

Dial walked back through the desk, seeing the genuine happiness everybody shared with her, especially Mayl. And finally, there it was: the desk she left one month back. Maybe the desk was the same, but she sure had taken one big step to find happiness. And at that moment, she sat down to the desk she knew, in the class she knew, awaiting for a new lesson… but now, as her true self.