Nerve-wrecking, but satisfying. Those were the words Lan used to tell her therapist how she felt the first time she wore a skirt. She could still remember vividly that afternoon at the store with her mom, exploring the corridors looking at skirts. She was quite nervous, or more like, she was afraid of anybody making comments about why was “a boy” looking at that clothing. But her happiness and excitement when looking at those colorful, pretty skirts far exceeded her fears. They finally found one with a simple design: red with some white dots at the lower part. Haruka hid it among other boy clothing to dissimulate before getting inside the dressing room. With only her mother there to protect her and rearrange her hair, Lan changed her outfit, taking off her jacket and only wearing a white t-shirt along with the skirt, and looked at her own reflection in the mirror. She did that slowly, her heart beating so fast… but when she opened her eyes, all that nervousness fade away instantly. With her new outfit and appearance, she really looked like a girl. Wrong: she was finally seeing the girl she had always been. A young girl with her long brown hair falling down, a t-shirt that might be plain but elegant and a beautiful skirt that swayed with her light movements. After a long time, she felt happy and comfortable about herself.

The therapist listened carefully, showing a gentle smile. She was happy at Lan’s progress after finding out she was a trans girl some weeks before. After holding back for so many years, the girl needed to get rid of the chains that caused her so much suffering. Little by little, Lan was opening up, expressing her desires and exploring her own expression. Still, she knew it was hard for her to ‘boymode’ outside of her house, especially at her school. But it was not up to her to decide how fast or slow the girl should go. It was important that Lan expressed her feelings and desires and often asked her what the next step she wanted to take was. That afternoon was no different, except that Lan was more nervous than normal: she wanted to change her name.

She was getting tired of ‘Lan’ as a name. It wasn’t simply that name made her remember of the boy everybody expected her to be. For the young girl, she felt nothing towards that name. In her own words: “It’s like a word I learned to answer to”. Even if it was hard for Lan to convey her feelings, her therapist found the right words.

“A name is an integral part of our identity, just like our gender. It’s one of the first ways of showing who we are to the world. Having a name you feel comfortable with is just as important as wearing a skirt and you know it now”.

Lan understood that clearly, but that made her more nervous. “Lan” was not a name she was given out of nowhere: her parents named her that way. Maybe they were happy with her as a girl, but what if they didn’t want her to change her name? Her head could imagine her parents getting angry and she described her fears to her therapist in detail, but the lady couldn’t help but giggle. She could see why Lan was so good at Netbattling: she was always calculating every possibility, trying to find the best course of action. But that mindset didn’t fit in that situation.

“Your parents not only accepted you, but are supporting you in lots of ways. You have nothing to fear. I’m sure they’ll understand”.

“They’ll understand”. Lan repeated those words in her mind again and again while she was having dinner with her parents later that day. Haruka and Yuichiro noticed there was something troubling her daughter since she finished her session and, given how she was more open recently, they expected her to say whatever was troubling her. Instead, the girl kept looking at her own dish, deep in her thoughts. That time, the mother didn’t want to wait in case things got worse.

“Dear, are you ok? If you have any problem, you can tell us”, said Haruka with a slightly worried tone.

The girl was so unaware of her surroundings that she jumped slightly at hearing her mother’s voice. She looked to her side, making eye contact with Yuichiro and Haruka. “They’ll understand”. In some way, she believed those words. Her parents’ eyes showed all the kindness they gave her during those past weeks. All the love they felt towards her. There was no reason to fear them, her doubts feeling more like a distraction. She took a deep breath and said shyly:

“Mom, dad… I… I want to change my name…”.

She tried to explain to them how she felt towards being called ‘Lan’. How she felt that name didn’t match who she was anymore. Both parents remained silent, letting her daughter share her worries to them. They still didn’t say anything when their daughter was over. However, they looked at each other with concerned look. The girl felt a knot in her stomach. Were they against the idea? However, Haruka and Yuichiro let out a brief “Ooooh” in unison, making her confused.

“Of course you looked so troubled”, said Yuichiro while nodding. “Choosing a new name is hard. You are probably overwhelmed with so many different options. It’s normal, just take your time”.

That answer was a shock for the already nervous girl. She then looked at her mother, nodding enthusiastically, agreeing wit her husband’s reasoning. After worrying for so long, could it be that simple? She still couldn’t believe that.

“Are… are you ok? Really?”, asked the girl nervously.

“Of course we are! Why wouldn’t we?”, replied Haruka confused.

“’Cause you… you gave me that name… I thought you wouldn’t want to…”.

The couple looked at each other again, but that time, they were actually worried after understanding what their daughter meant. They already expected the name change would happen eventually, sooner or later, and they were ready to support their child in that aspect. Instead, they found out the girl was worried about their reaction. Since they chose her name at birth, she expected them to be against the idea of changing it. That was far from the truth though, but they understood why the girl could be nervous about that. Haruka stood up, walked by her daughter’s side and placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders gently, her kind smile calming the girl down.

“You don’t need to worry about us. Your happiness is the most important thing for your father and me”, explained Haruka. “And if you aren’t happy with your current name, you are free to choose one you like”.

“But…”, muttered the girl, trying to hold back from crying. “You already allowed me so many things… I don’t want you to get mad”.

Even with all her might, she couldn’t stop some tears from coming out from her eyes. Deep inside, she was grateful for all the support from her parents, and that’s why she cared about them. But both Haruka and Yuichiro thought that was not something their daughter should be worrying about. Her transition was obviously really important for her. Her mood had improved so much in just a couple of weeks after opening up! They didn’t want her to repress herself anymore for them. It was then that Yuichiro got closer and placed his hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“Listen, this isn’t matter of what we allow you to do or not. Everything you did so far are things you wanted to do, right?”, asked Yuichiro kindly. The girl couldn’t talk, but nodded in agreement while sobbing. “Exactly. You are doing this because it makes you happy. And we want you to be happy. Don’t ever think that you need our permission to be yourself”.

‘Permission’… That word brought back the conversation with Hub some days before. Hub made it clear she didn’t need his permission to be a girl. He accepted her and supported her in all the steps in her transition. She didn’t think that applied to her parents as well, as if she needed them to “allow” her to do all those changes, but they were there to remind her that was wrong. She was free to walk her own path and her parents would support her along the way. The only thing that still chained her to that old name was their feelings, but after that conversation, the girl felt those chains disappearing, making her lighter. With some clumsy movements, she got both Haruka and Yuichiro close enough to hug them at the same time, murmuring “Thanks” between sobs. The mother didn’t say anything. Hugging her child back was enough to convey her emotions, while Yuichiro settled with caressing the girl’s hair as an attempt of comforting her. But she felt it: her parent’s feelings were real.

Once everybody calmed down, they resumed their almost-finished dinner. Both parents perceived the girl was then more relaxed than before. And since the topic was already on the table, they were curious.

“So… Have you thought any names?”, asked Haruka.

“Not really. I just started thinking about it”, answered the girl shyly. “I wanted to ask you two… Why did you name me ‘Lan’?”.

“Oh, you must ask your father about that”, said Haruka with joking tone while looking at her husband, making him blush slightly.

“Well…”, muttered Yuichiro before clearing his throat. “Since I was working on Net technology, I wanted to give you and your brother names related to that. Technology that connects people. I made a list and gave it to your mother. From all the names I thought, she liked ‘Lan’ and ‘Hub’ and we went for that”.

A name with a meaning… It was obvious for the young girl that her parents thought about her old name and what kind of meaning it could have. Did she have to find a name with a deep meaning as well? Without any research about possible names, she was still clueless. Yuichiro noticed his daughter reflecting, her thoughts as evident as an open book.

“But you don’t have to worry about that”, added Yuichiro, getting the girl’s attention again. “A name doesn’t need a hidden meaning behind it. Just find one you feel comfortable with. That’s the most important thing”.

Sure, that was the most important thing, but it would prove to be a troublesome one. During the following days, the girl researched a lot, with Mega Man’s help. There were a lot of great names out there, and she was working on her own list as well. Still, reducing all those names to just one that truly reflected her own self was hard. She even tested those names with Mega Man in secret, having mock conversations. They all sure sounded great, but she still couldn’t choose one. Not knowing how to proceed, they both agreed to put the topic aside for a few days, hoping she would find the right one after resting for a bit.

Of course, the world kept moving, ignorant of the girl’s self-exploration and research. Since nobody knew she felt uncomfortable with the name ‘Lan’, she had to listen that name every time she left her home. It was hard to hear her friends Mayl, Yai and Dex and even Ms. Mari referring to her with that old name, but she understood there was nothing to do. It wasn’t their fault. She was still keeping her girl identity as a secret, she couldn’t get mad to them for calling her ‘Lan’. It was frustrating though, but she tried to focus on her own progress first. And funnily enough, that also meant progressing in her studies.

“All done!”.

That wasn’t something Mega Man would hear his sister say so often. The idea of the girl doing and finishing her homework so early, with so much afternoon to enjoy after that, was impossible some months ago. While the Navi checked the homework, she felt an unusual satisfaction and happiness. After taking off her ‘boy disguise’ as she called it and changing her looks, she felt comfortable enough to do her homework. It had become some sort of ritual. Sure, she might not be the brightest student yet, as Mega Man was pointing out some mistakes here and there, but she found out she didn’t have that much trouble studying. Just like the girl told her brother a few days before, she didn’t find any reason before to study at all, preferring to distract her mind as much as possible from all her problems and discomfort.

“Well, you sure were hiding a lot of potential, young lady!”, said Mega Man with a joke, but being referred as ‘lady’ made the girl all bashful, blushing and scratching her cheek with one finger.

Their brief sibling moment was interrupted with a sudden notification on the PC. ‘Mayl’s call incoming’. The girl and Mega Man looked at each other in shock.

“Mayl is calling you! What do we do?”, exclaimed Mega Man nervously.

There was a good reason for both of them to be nervous. The way the girl was at that moment, with some braids on her hair she was trying out and a night gown with clouds she recently bought, everybody would found out her secret. She looked at her door, where her ‘boy disguise’ was hanging. She surely didn’t want to wear that again, but she was not ready either to show herself with her new looks. But time passed. Finally, she came up with a fast solution.

“Turn the camera off!”, asked the girl to Mega Man.

That was better than nothing. Mega Man obliged, clicking on the notification itself and opening up several screens.