Things on the Hikari household were quite that morning. Haruka spent the whole morning shopping and talking with some neighbors and, at that moment, was preparing lunch for when her daughter Dial came back from school. That day’s menu was a steak, one of the girl’s favorite foods. And she really needed a treat at that moment.

Dial’s transition had been going well during the couple of months since she first came out. After deciding on her new name, she took the very important step of going out with her girl appearance. The family organized a trip every weekend to Elec Town, one of the most important shopping areas of Net City. They all thought (and the therapist agreed as well) that doing some test outings in a big area where nobody knew Dial before her transition could help her get used to it. And it sure worked wonders. The girl enjoyed going out with her family, going into stores with her mother and exploring outfits and accessories with no fear from being judged. However, the happiness she felt at home with her parents or in such outings clashed with her daily life at school.

Dial still didn’t know when or how to come out to her town, especially to her friends. Of course, it was not something she had to rush, as her therapist said. She needed to feel ready to take that step. Because of that, she still ‘boymoded’ whenever she stepped outside her home. It was frustrating at first, but lately, the girl felt worse and worse. Haruka did notice, although whenever she asked Dial about it, she smiled, saying she was still ‘hanging there’. That’s why she thought of making a special meal for her. It was her way of comforting her after some rough days.

The mother was still absorbed in her thoughts when she heard the entry door slam with strength. She guessed it was Dial who had just come home, but she didn’t like how loud that sounded.

“Hi, Dial! How was to-”.

But the mother couldn’t even finish her question. She barely saw Dial, just a blur that rushed through the dining room and went upstairs quickly. A single drop of cold sweat came down from Haruka’s forehead. That was new. The mother knew her daughter had reached the limit. She heard another slam coming from Dial’s room. Knowing how bad the situation was, she turned off the heat, put aside the almost done steak and went upstairs. She opened Dial’s door slowly, which now had a label with her new name on it.

Once inside, she found her “boy disguise” right on one corner, all made a mess, like it was just thrown away like garbage. Turning her head around, she spotted Dial on her bed, but the image she saw broke her heart. The young girl was wearing one of her nightgowns and she was curled on her bed, hugging some of her new dresses and clothing that she had taken out from her wardrobe. She was holding them so close and tight to her, with some tears leaving light stains in them.

Dial opened one of her teary eyes and looked at her mother. They didn’t need to say anything. Haruka knew very well what was causing her so much pain. Instead of showing an exaggerated reaction, the mother calmed down and said with a gentle voice:

“Would you like me to arrange your hair?”.

Haruka extended one hand towards Dial. The little girl knew that wasn’t just an offer for her hair: her mother wanted her to open up her heart, to release her pain, hoping to understand. And she knew she could trust Haruka. Slowly and slightly trembling, the girl stood up and took her mother’s hand, walking together to the couple’s room. Just like other times before, they sat down, Dial turning her back on her mother. Haruka took her brush and began brushing Dial’s hair slowly. It felt much softer when compared to the first days she brushed it, since the girl had begun taking care of it. The soft movements and her reflection on the mirror, seeing herself more like a girl, made Dial calm down.

“So… what happened today? Any troubles?”, asked Haruka softly.

Haruka could still hear her daughter sobbing occasionally. The girl tried to find the right words, but she could only think one thing to say:

“I hate it”.

Haruka didn’t say anything. Her expression didn’t even change. She kept brushing Dial’s hair with delicacy.

“What do you hate?”, asked Haruka.

“I… I hate going to school like… ‘that’!”, complained Dial while extending her arm towards the door, in her head pointing at the ‘boy disguise’ in the corner of her room. “I hate looking that way. I can’t even look through the window or at the screen because I hate my reflection!”.

Dysphoria. Haruka remembered that word from her conversations with Dial’s therapist. The discomfort and pain the girl felt for having an appearance that didn’t match her true self. At first, her dysphoria was mild, but the more she progressed in her transition, the more painful it was to ‘boymode’ for her.

“And everybody still sees me as ‘Lan’!”, kept complaining Dial. “I hear Mayl and Yai talking about stuff and I want to join them! But then, I hear the boys talking bad about them, like ‘Girl things are so silly’. Well, I am a girl! And those thing aren’t silly! But I’m sure they’ll mock me if I say something because they see me as a boy! I don’t like hanging out with boys”.

Haruka knew that was unfair for several reasons. Not only Dial was a girl with the freedom to talk about the things she liked, but she also believed boys deserved to talk about those things if they were interested in them. The mother knew very well how interested Hub became of Dial’s new interests, having long conversations about clothing and fashion. But again, she could remember her own child experiences. It was common that boys mocked girls. She had lived that herself. It seemed some things hadn’t change so much, but given Dial’s transition, the girl felt worse.

“And… and… I don’t wanna go into boy’s bathroom! It smells weird and I’m uncomfortable around boys and… I have to hold it in the whole day!”, complained Dial.

“You hold it in?”, finally asked Haruka, forgetting she was trying to keep calm. “That’s not good!”.

“I know, but… I don’t wanna go there…”, murmured Dial. “I don’t wanna be a boy anymore…”.

Sadness filled Haruka’s heart. She knew her daughter very well. She knew that word never described her properly. Her own reflection on the dresser’s mirror was proof of that. But that was still a burden Dial felt on her shoulders. The mother put the brush aside and wrapped her daughter slowly with her arms. The girl let a little gasp out, but immediately felt the warmth of Haruka’s heart.

“You have never been a boy, Dial”, murmured Haruka to comfort her daughter. “You have always been the prettiest, cutest and kindest girl in the world. It doesn’t matter how others see you or what they say. That’s the truth. It’s right there, in your heart”.

Haruka’s words were so sweet. It was like a beautiful melody that caressed Dial’s ears and filled her heart with warmth and love. She knew her mother was right. All those things were so frustrating because she knew very well who she was: Dial Hikari, a girl. There was nothing that could deny that. Haruka released her daughter and carefully caressed her hair.

“You have already gone so far. You have grown up a lot. You dress how you like, have a new name and go outside like a girl to Elec Town! The only thing left is… letting others know. Once you do that, you can have fun at school again”, explained Haruka.

It was not Haruka’s intention to pressure her daughter. Contrary to that, she knew Dial needed time to take that final step. However, she knew her pain came from her deepest desire to come out as a girl to her friends. Even the girl knew that herself. She wanted to be her true self around Mayl, Yai and Dex, but… could it be that easy? She could imagine her friends turning their back on her for being a trans girl. And that scared her.

“What if… what if… they hate me?”, murmured Dial. “I know some people… aren’t ok with… girls like me. What if they are like them?”.

Sadly, that was true. No matter how advanced their society looked in terms of technology, in some aspects, society was still old-fashioned. Not everybody out there accepted trans people nor even understood what kind of people they are. And it was obvious Dial was worried about that. Haruka could see it the first time they went to the women’s bathroom together while shopping, the girl being scared that someone could point out at her and say something mean. If she was worried about strangers, the fear of her friends rejecting her was much worse.

“You’re right. I can’t assure you your friends will accept you. But I know there is people out there who will. You learned about that as well”, explained Haruka. “What matters is that you find your happiness. If repressing yourself is hurting you so much, maybe it’s time for your life to begin”.

‘Life’. Dial had reflected about her life before and she always reached one conclusion: she didn’t have a life before finding out she was a girl. Sure, she had some memories from her earliest childhood, when she began being herself. But after that, those years she grew up as a boy, she couldn’t say she ‘lived’ those moments. They felt so distant, like she wasn’t there at all. But she wanted that to change. She wanted to live.

The image of her friends came to her mind. She didn’t want to lose them, but could she say she was having fun with them? Could she say they were actually friends when she didn’t even dare to open her heart to them, always fearing to say something out of place? Maybe losing them wouldn’t be worse than prolonging a friendship in which she couldn’t be honest and open.

“I know. I know that’s what I have to do. No, that’s what I want to do. I don’t want to hold back anymore”, declared Dial. “But… I know I won’t be able to do it if I keep seeing them everyday. What can I do?”.

Dial sure had a dilemma, one that Haruka couldn’t answer properly. That was something out of her experience as a mother. Instead, they agreed that was something her therapist could help them. That afternoon, after explaining the whole situation, the therapist proposed Dial could skip classes for some weeks (while studying remotely, of course) and use that time along with her family to slowly introduce her new self to her neighbors before finally making the big debut in school. On the other hand, she proposed meeting other trans children and teenagers from a local association in the meanwhile so she could boost her confidence and meet new friends. It was a bit unorthodox, but the Hikari marriage agreed on the plan, as long as Dial kept her promise of properly studying, although they were not worried about that anymore.

Later that week, the family arranged an appointment with Ms. Mari at the school. The teacher was very surprised to see Dial dressing as a girl, but she didn’t even need her parent’s explanations to understand she was a trans girl. Ms. Mari agreed on the idea of Dial skipping class for some weeks and committed to protect the girl in case something bad happened once she returned. They all decided the next day, on Friday, would be the last day the girl would go to school.