What. What. What. What. Huh? Why? What?!

I sat there staring at my polished plate for what felt like hours, but was merely seconds, before I glanced back up at the purple-haired provocateur.

Why? Why would I need to know any of that? I gawked at the pair, unable to conceal my utter bewilderment.

"Hey, y'know, I don't like girls... but my friend over there is totally-" she had whispered, then the weirdo threw up two interlocking peace signs which I knew was alluding to scissoring. "And single~" she had chimed, and I really don't know what that had to do with me.

I'd be dead in the cold, cold ground before I even recognized the personhood of that slob of a Hispanic rip-off of the lady from The Ring, let alone considered her a romantic candidate. Seriously, gross.

I swear, this day alone was going to give me an aneurysm. Nothing made sense. How were me and Allie in the same selective program? That girl hadn't worked a day in her life, and there's no way she could've completed two full years of advanced chemistry required to enter an Honors, let alone stayed awake for her first lecture.

I must be going insane, yeah, that's it. Or maybe, maybe this was a nightmare. I was asleep in the lecture hall and was going to wake up with strands of my own hair in my mouth any second now.

It was then that I attempted to confirm my suspicions, and pinched my arm. Hard.

I let out a high-pitched squeal that seemed to resonate through the whole mess hall. Damn it. Not a dream, and I made myself look like an idiot.

Instinctively, my gaze drifted to Allie, who seemed to have just finished licking the grease out of her bucket before glancing over at me. Fair.

Her eyes caught my pinched fingers, and she immediately chomped down on her own arm. What the fuck was wrong with her? Looking defeated, the greaseball shook her head at me.

Ok, I think it was pretty obvious that neither of us were dreaming. Why did she do that? Good thing we humans were neurologically programmed not to be able to puncture our own skin with our teeth, or else I was certain that girl would've turned the mess hall into a bloodbath.

Ugh. I checked my phone, ten minutes until the next lecture. Advanced Quantitative Analysis, my beloved.

Allie seemed to have the same idea because she and I stood up in tandem, slinging laptop bags over shoulders like I was gazing into a fractured, cursed mirror. I needed to get out of here.

As I made for the door, I noted several pairs of eyes gluing themselves to my back. I let the chattering fade into the background as I made my exit. Take a picture, folks, it'll last longer.

● ● ●

I allowed fresh air to slowly seep into my lungs as I let out a sigh of relief. Another year, another bad impression. But peers didn't mark projects and exams, so did it really matter what they thought?

'Yo, you good?' a male, probably stoner, voice sounded from outside my periphery as I powered across the pavement to my destination. Did I really look that stressed?

'I'm fine,' I and another voice replied in-sync, teeth clenched. Shit. I had no intention of turning my head, because I knew exactly who'd invade my vision.

'Wasn't talkin' to you, dude, but whatevs,' he drawled at me, and I noted the distinct braindead tone of voice people like him seemed to embody.

'Woah, ya'll said that in-sync... that's crazy,' the stoner, mousy-haired and bespectacled, swung in front of us, arms limp by his side as he maintained a backwards walk. He looked like he had borrowed his older brother's clothes.

'Are you lesbians?' the man asked, a sudden sparkle in his eyes as he pressed his hands against his cheeks, like a kid meeting Santa at the mall for the first time.

'No,' I replied curtly, unfortunately synchronized with Allie's louder: 'Yes.'

'Woah, my first lesbians... so cool~' he gushed before twirling out of sight, allowing Allie and I to continue our awkward march in silence. Was he... wearing Heelys?

Hopefully realizing her mistake, Allie promptly facepalmed.

Watching the man-child in oversized clothes drift out of view around the corner of a nearby building, Allie asked me with mock repugnance: 'So... you're into that?'

'You know he was asking if we were a couple, not our respective sexual identities, right?' I clarified, watching her facepalm again at the corner of my vision, before I sensed a grin crossing her face.

'So... you are a fellow scissor sister~' she teased, snipping at the air with a pair of hand-sign scissors.

'No, I don't have time for that,' I replied bluntly with a sigh, shoving my hands in my jean pockets as I increased my pace. That was... true.

'Oh, of course, like a nun. Only, married to science, not Jesus' Allie mused, speeding up in kind to walk besides me. What was this girl's deal?

'Kinda wish I was a nun, too, y'know... the solitude,' she continued, suddenly appearing deep in thought, a rare look of acuity crossing her face... before it immediately melted and remolded itself into a sly, almost lewd, smirk.

'Stuck in a building with lots of - probably horny - girls... livin' the dream, right?' she almost drooled while making tasteless, grasping hand gestures at the air in front of her.

'Suddenly, my foot feels dirty after stomping you,' I said with a shudder, powering forward once more.

'Ooh, and imagine the vow of silence convents, you'd have to like make it a game to-'

'Hey, perv, look— chem lab,' I interrupted her as we descended a stairway, pointing to the large, glass-walled building a little way's down the path. I was suddenly very aware of the sound of my own heartbeat.

● ● ●

Elite program, lowkey social outcasts, Invisible String Theory acting up. I assumed Allie and I both knew - and dreaded - what was awaiting us within the laboratory walls.

''Kay, I trust you've printed the practical sheets and, uh, filled out the questionnaires necessary to partake in this class, so,' our old, victim-of-male-pattern-baldness professor droned on, and I decided to just read the sheet instead of listening to him.

Standing by our temporary benches, I briefly shifted my gaze to Allie, who also stood by a bench near the front. She had printed out the sheet, and it looked... stapled? Hell, it was annotated.

And here I was thinking that I'd have to lend her my own, again. I mean, not that I would. She could eat shit for all I cared, but I also noted the likelihood of us partnering and knew it would have impacted me too.

Guess she got lucky.

'Kay, now pick your lab partner... shouldn't be too hard,' the professor drawled, and I slumped down at my bench in wait. The classic "I'm waiting for everyone to pick their partners, so I get forcefully paired up with the other reject" strategy.

'Hi, do you have a lab partner?' a deep, monotonous voice sounded from above me, and before I could reply "what do you think?" my mouth acted completely of its own accord.

'Yup, Sadako over there,' I murmured instinctively without raising my head, throwing a finger Allie's way. I quickly covered my mouth with a hand as I watched the student's shoes disappear from my sight.

What.

'Old habits die hard, eh?' I pulled my head up as the groaning banshee entered my space. What was this feeling? Why were my shoulders loose? Was I... relie- gross, no, absolutely not.

'You heard...' I muttered, and at that I felt like internally screaming, maybe even tearing out my hair. But I noted that Allie's tone wasn't at all teasing, she just sounded tired.

'Yup, accidentally did the same thing, said I was "with the gold mushroom"... Hey, Tal, you ever heard of a suicide pact?' she muttered jokingly, and I couldn't help but snicker at her bluntness.

'What, you want to hang ourselves if we ended up choosing the same electives, too?' I questioned, with an attempted raise of my right eyebrow.

Ugh. I had trained my facial muscles for years and still couldn't do it, and Allie was just born with it. That's the way it goes, I guess.

'It's either that, or we give in and make out,' she suggested coldly, arms crossed on the bench, and I felt the need to avert my gaze to focus on reading the materials.

'Can you just... get the materials? I'll sketch up the tables and set up the equipment,' I flipped open my notebook and passed the practical sheet to Allie, which she took reluctantly and made for the nearby bench.

I hastily prepared the stand and clamped it to the burette, suspending it over the first of three conical flasks, laid the volumetric pipette aside, and waited for Allie.

'Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid titrant, hard water analyte, ammonium chloride buffer. Bon appetit~' she announced as she placed an assortment of different sized beakers on our bench, like some sort of glorified waitress.

'You're not impressing anyone using those fancy words, Allie,' I remarked, rolling my eyes at her as I ensured she'd gathered the correct volumes. Though, honestly, did she stay up all night memorizing the formulaic name for EDTA? Seriously, who was she trying to impress?

'Eh, I don't think French is that hard,' she retorted, and I was just about ready to break a beaker over her greasy head.

Back to the task at hand, I transferred the analyte into the flask and the titrant into the pipette before handing it to Allie. She took the volumetric pipette and expelled the liquid flawlessly into the burette. Seven years was a long time, eh?

Murder could wait. She'd probably haunt my television, anyways.