Was this real? Even staring at himself in the mirror, sitting still while the stylist worked, Lan Yu still felt no sense of it.

When the debut list was announced, the first name up was Kaede Fujiwara. Giddy, Lan Yu threw his arms around Kaede—impassive as ever—and congratulated him in Japanese.

At least Kaede had accomplished his mission. As for me… I should probably start thinking about what I'll do if I don't debut. It wasn't like I couldn't switch to another company and keep training; Han Bin, who'd been cut a while back, even told me he'd already found a new place and joked that if I got dropped too, I could come join him. I laughed and said sure at the time, but I knew that if I really did get cut, I wouldn't stay in this line of work. Not because I had anywhere else to go—just...

"Congratulations to you, too." Kaede's hand ruffled Lan Yu's hair, breaking his train of thought; he answered in Japanese. Lan Yu blinked and saw his own name on the big screen in Korean, Chinese, and English. "And don't forget what you promised me." Kaede lowered his voice on the last line; it was more than enough for Lan Yu to know what he meant. Heat flushed his face.

Since Kaede had hauled him out right after the announcement for their first time together, he'd had no chance to process the debut itself; only now, in the long wait for hair and makeup, could he start to chew on it.

"What's on your mind, Yu?" The manager had appeared behind him, meeting his unfocused eyes in the mirror.

"Ah, nothing. I'm just not used to it yet." Lan Yu switched on his professional smile and turned to him. "Did you need to discuss something, Manager-nim?"

"You'll need to adjust quickly. You're an official member now, after all. I'm here to talk about your styling." At some point another person had joined the manager; the disposable gloves told Lan Yu what was coming.

"Am I changing my hair color?"

"Yes. The company wants blue. Your surname is Lan—the character means 'blue'—so blue hair will make your self-intro more memorable." The manager sounded like he was reciting policy.

"Because my surname is 'Lan' I have to dye it blue?" Lan Yu smiled. "I'll always be 'Lan.' Am I supposed to keep that color for the rest of my life?"

"…" The manager hadn't expected that. He held Lan Yu's gaze for a moment, then said, slowly, "Keep it until people can recognize you without the hair color."

A wash of black rolled over him.

Lan Yu shrugged, noncommittal. "Let's start, then."

When Lan Yu got to the set, he found Kaede already waiting off to the side for his turn. Kaede took in Lan Yu's new hair. "Why blue?"

"Manager-nim says the company wants it," Lan Yu said, sliding into the seat beside him. "Since my surname is 'Lan'—'blue'—they think I should introduce myself with blue hair."

"..." Kaede said nothing, declining to pick up the thread.

"Does it not suit me?" Lan Yu didn't mind the silence; he watched their teammate shooting onstage. In the closed space, each shutter click rang clean.

Only when Ji-ho was about to wrap did Kaede speak, slow and even: "You don't need anything extra for people to remember you."

He rose, smoothed his jacket, and stepped up to take Ji-ho's mark.

Lan Yu watched Kaede's back as he walked to the mark, his head still ringing with those words. So that's why my heart keeps tripping, he thought.

"How're you feeling, Yu?" The sudden check-in at his side yanked Lan Yu out of his daze. He focused and realized Luke had slipped into the seat next to him at some point.

"You scared me." Lan Yu let out a shaky breath. "Why ask about my condition all of a sudden? I'm fine."

"Well, you two looked like you had a pretty rough morning." Luke tilted his head, studying him.

Ah, shit. Lan Yu swallowed the curse trying to claw up his throat. He hadn't expected that to come up again. But looking into Luke's blinking eyes, all he could read there was simple concern — not subtext.

"It's nothing," Lan Yu sighed. "Honestly, it wasn't as tough as our usual intensive training."

"So it's... kind of like training?" Luke blinked, curious.

"..." Lan Yu wasn't sure why that comparison had slipped out, and Luke poking right at the sore spot made him want to crawl under the floor. But those big, clear eyes really were just... curious.

"Leader-nim, do you... not have any experience?" he blurted.

Luke shook his head.

Right—he had no idea how he'd casually blurted a question that's idol-taboo. Even if he did have any, he wouldn't say so—no one would, unless they were me, caught in the act with nothing to argue. Lan Yu groused at himself in silence.

"Yu, you and Kaede — has it been going on for long?" Luke tried a different angle.

"..." Lan Yu looked at him, at a loss for words. "Are you interrogating me?"

"Does it make you uncomfortable if I ask?" Luke blinked again.

Damn it. With those big puppy eyes, it was impossible to snap at him. "It's fine. Today was our first time."

Why am I discussing my sex life with my team leader? Lan Yu wanted to stab the face-obsessed fool inside him.

"..." Luke looked genuinely surprised and fell quiet. The silence made Lan Yu fidget, so he stuffed the gap with words: "We've been glued together since trainee days, but we agreed we'd wait until we debuted together to, uh... yeah." Saying "sex" out loud — especially to the witness — was a bridge too far.

Luke still didn't comment. Lan Yu couldn't read a thing off his face. Since Luke didn't push, Lan Yu clamped his own mouth shut — no need to keep this awkward thread going.

At least Luke didn't run his mouth or act disgusted like Lan Yu had feared. For that alone, Lan Yu was grateful. They were in one group; they'd be seeing each other every day. If this became a scandal, he couldn't see how he'd keep going in idol life after debut. "Thank you," he said before his brain could stop him.

"Hm?" Luke, still mid-thought, tilted his head and blinked. "Are you... thanking me?"

"Yeah. Can't I?" Lan Yu chuckled.

"For what?" Luke leaned in a little.

Meeting his eyes, Lan Yu said, "For not holding today against me and niisan."

"Why would I hold it against you?" Luke's bright eyes practically framed the question with question marks.

"I mean, most people would have... thoughts if they walked in on two guys doing that." It was an unexpected counter-question, but Lan Yu answered politely.

"I'm not homophobic," Luke said, sounding even more confused by the explanation.

Lan Yu looked at Luke, a little amused. "Even if you aren't, the shock of the scene itself isn't something most people handle well."

"But you two didn't seem uncomfortable," Luke said, puzzled. "If anything, after I came in, you looked even more—"

"Ah—ah—ah—!" Seeing where he was headed, Lan Yu yelped and slapped a hand over his mouth.

"You two down there! What's going on?" the photographer barked from the platform, clearly irritated at the interruption.

Realizing he'd messed up, Lan Yu sprang to his feet and bowed. "I'm terribly sorry, Photographer-nim. I forgot I was still on set and let my guard down—that was careless of me. I'm very sorry for disrupting your work. I take full responsibility and it won't happen again. Please accept my apologies."

"Pay attention on set!" the photographer snapped.

During the brief hiccup, Kaede watched from the stage, face unreadable, as Lan Yu jerked his hand away from Luke's mouth and stammered apologies — making no move to excuse himself.

"Let's continue," the photographer said, lifting the camera again, finger settling over the shutter.

"Okay." Kaede refocused on the lens.

"Whew." Once the shoot resumed, Lan Yu sagged back into his chair. That scare had peeled a layer off him.

"You okay?" Luke asked, gentle.

"What do you think?" Lan Yu shot him a look. "Aren't you worried someone will overhear you talking like that? This is a set!"

"But... you two were doing that kind of thing in the utility room," Luke said, a little wounded.

"..." Shit. Lan Yu had to eat that one. He hadn't pegged his leader as this type. Better not keep sparring; no need to spawn a new disaster.

The debut single had been locked long ago. Even before the final lineup, every candidate had drilled the performance to death; everyone knew the concept and promo beats by heart. When it was Lan Yu's turn for stills, he wrapped fast — fast enough that even the previously grumpy photographer praised him, twice. After he thanked the staff and said his goodbyes, he started packing up to head back to the dorm. As Manager-nim had said, a mountain of schedules was still waiting.

"Lan Yu." He turned and saw it was the manager calling his name.

"Manager-nim, is something up?" Lan Yu asked, puzzled at being pulled aside.

"You know we're starting to shoot the group reality show this week." the manager said, tapping the stack of schedules in his hand.

"Yes," Lan Yu said, still not sure why this needed a one-on-one.

"You understand the show is meant to show off member dynamics. The company would like to see relationships that are... compelling for fans. It helps stabilize the group."

So it's really about hyping a ship, huh. Lan Yu kept that thought to himself. "Does the company want me closer to someone in particular?" Even he could hear the snide bite in his own voice.

Knowing Lan Yu's temperament by now, the manager didn't flinch. He just said the name: "Luke."

"..." Of course. Nothing about today is normal.

"Yu! Yu! Yu!" Sometime during this, Luke had finished his own shoot. He bounded down from the platform, calling for Lan Yu at full volume.

"...What is it?" Stuck in place by the manager, Lan Yu rubbed his temples.

"Did you hear? We're shooting the reality show together! And we're gonna—" Lan Yu rushed forward and clapped a hand over Luke's mouth, just as he was trying to announce it to the whole room.

"Got it, got it, got it." He leaned in to whisper at Luke's ear. "Let's not announce it to the entire world, okay?"

"Mmm—mmm—mmm—" Even muzzled, Luke's urge to talk didn't flag. Lan Yu could practically feel saliva soaking his palm; grimacing, he let go. Luke seized the opening: "But won't everyone know once it airs?"

Lan Yu rolled his eyes. "That'll be a problem for future us — after it's filmed."

He no longer had the energy — or the will — to fight it.