Did Mika really just hear ‘Let me help you regain your smile’? Perplexed, all he could reply to Aleksandr’s bold statement was simple, “What?”

Mika straightened his back and was just about to remove his hand from under Aleksandr’s when he felt a tight grip on it.

“I really meant it when I said I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” Aleksandr repeated. His voice, calm as usual, rang pleasantly in Mika’s ears.

“Aleksandr, I-I’m thankful to you for what you have done already, I mean it. The fact that you listened to my story and stayed afterwards is…already more than enough for me. I’m sure that as time passes…I’ll be able to get back to my usual self,” Mika finished, hoping to sound as confident as possible. Was he trying to reassure Aleksandr or himself with those words?

Seizing the opportunity, he tried once again to remove his hand, but couldn’t move it. It was at this moment that Mika realized Aleksandr had no intention of letting him go.

Mika felt like Aleksandr’s usually soft green eyes were now piercing through him, yet he was able to maintain his gaze.

“You don’t have to go through all of this alone. Mika, please, let me help you. Whatever it is, I promise I will do my best. I might not have as much dating experience as you…but I’m willing to learn if you allow me to be a part of your life.”

This is crazy. HE IS CRAZY. He can’t possibly mean what I think he means? Does he really plan to do whatever it takes, even if it means—

Mika’s thoughts were interrupted by the pleasant warmth. He didn’t even have to look down to know what Aleksandr was doing. His long fingers were gently caressing Mika’s hand.

Omg, what the hell is happening now?

Mika never thought there would ever be a moment in his life when he would be at a loss for words. He thought he had seen a lot during his 30 years on this planet, had gone through many obstacles, and had been in a few relationships. But now he was sitting on the couch, looking dumbstruck.

“You don’t have to pity me,” he retorted with a frown. It was the best he could come up with, given the situation he was in.

“This is not a pity,” Aleksandr confirmed, smiling kindly, the corners of his lips lifting.

What do I do? Should I ask him how serious he is? But wait, he said he is willing to do whatever it takes to make me smile again. He knows I’m gay. He knows what I did, because I just confessed in front of him. But despite it all, he just said he wanted to be a part of my life. And it’s not a pity either. But what if I misunderstood his words? But then he is not stupid and can connect the dots. He probably would never say what he said if he didn’t mean it, right? Right?

Various thoughts swirled within Mika’s mind as he tried to come up with a proper reply. But the more he thought, the more unclear everything became. There were only questions, but no answers. His head was boiling, and he was tired after the emotional roller-coaster he had experienced within the last hour.

Mika sighed and, leaning forward, decided that being honest was the best solution in this situation. After all, he already shared the most intimate parts of his life, including things he would like to forget and erase from his memories, so what could go wrong? This is not the time to behave shyly. He had to make sure there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings between them.

“Aleksandr, you know about my preferences. You know that I like men and that I’m gay. When you said you want to help me…when you declared that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make me smile again…what did you mean?”
 
Continuing to caress Mika’s fingers, Aleksandr leaned forward until their eyes were level. He gazed at Mika calmly, yet Mika noticed his eyes sparkling with excitement. Were they always like this?

“Of course, I do understand, otherwise I wouldn’t even suggest anything like that in the first place. At work, nothing will change, it is business as usual: we continue working together on our project, and we act as colleagues. After working hours, we will be spending time together as a—”

“As a?” Mika interrupted impatiently, raising his eyebrows in question, his breath bated, heart pounding in anticipation.

“Friends,” Aleksandr said placidly, after a brief pause.

“Oh, right…friends,” Mika replied, exhaling, his voice carrying a hint of disappointment. The answer he was expecting deep down in his mind was about to come next.

“Or maybe a couple?” smiling, Aleksandr took Mika’s hand and slowly moved it closer to his lips. Mika could feel the warmth of his breath on his skin. He was sitting paralyzed, shivers running through his body. All he managed to do was to stay quiet and observe the scene unfolding before his eyes.

“Lovers?” Aleksandr finished, his tone lowered, pressing his lips and then leaving a gentle kiss on Mika’s hand. By the end of his confession, Aleksandr’s face had turned red, a clear sign of his sincerity.

30 years on this planet, and Mika was sure he had seen and experienced it all. Until today. Until that very moment when Aleksandr declared his feelings with both his words and actions.

Mika could no longer pretend he wasn’t moved by it all. Was everything he had always been looking for in a partner now clearly visible in front of him?
 
A man who stayed despite seeing his ugliest side. Someone who openly embraced all of him and didn’t question his decisions, no matter how bad they were. A person who reached out a helping hand, asking nothing in return. A warmth he had been missing so much. All this was right here, and he only needed to accept it.

But could he?

In a deep, peaceful silence that filled the room, only Mika and Aleksandr’s quiet breaths could be heard. 

Deep down in his mind, Mika was considering what he should do. What should I do? What do I do? I’ve never been in a situation like this. This is against all ‘normal’ steps of the relationships I’ve been in: first, get to know each other, and to do that, you ask tons of questions. Only later, when we both decided we were ready, did we start getting into dating. But… but… The man in front of me doesn’t think of me as a slut who sleeps with random people. He’s offering his help and… he’s totally my type. What if I say ‘no’? Then he will surely leave. But I don’t want him to leave. Should I…go for it?

After weighing his thoughts, Mika slowly raised his other hand from the couch and touched Aleksandr’s face. Feeling the softness of his skin, Mika’s heart raced as he made contact.
 
After a moment, Mika moved his hand, placed it on Aleksandr’s cheek, and, lowering his voice, decided to express his gratitude. “Thank you… Thank you, Aleksandr,” Mika said, his voice trembling as tears began to stream down his face, returning to its swollen state. “You don’t even know how much this all means to me. Thank you for coming into my life,” he finished, pressing his forehead against Aleksandr’s.
 
Aleksandr’s unwavering attention made Mika feel both vulnerable and supported. The silence between them was filled with understanding and empathy, and for the first time in his life, Mika felt truly heard.