I don’t remember much of my childhood.

I probably disassociated for most of it, but I do remember being happy with my dad and little brother.

I grew up with only the three of us. Though we were poor, we made the most of it. My dad got divorced when I was 3. Don’t ask me about my mom because I couldn’t tell you about her.

Sometimes I have these nightmares about her. I never could tell if they were real or not. I’ve always assumed it was all a bad dream. Who would ever want a memory like that?

However, sometimes we can never escape from nightmares. I feel like I’m running endlessly through the darkness. Will I ever find light?

***

I opened my eyes to the sun seeping between my window blinds.

Yaaawwwn— I stretched a bit. Not ready for the unknown ahead of me.

Starting a new chapter in my short life made me think about everything that’s happened until now.

When I was 10 years old my dad got remarried. She sucks. I’m currently stuck with this pariah of a woman and my dad’s indifferent attitude towards how she treats me. Dad changed a lot after their marriage.

Before they got married, she was nicer to me. She seemed to not mind taking my brother and I out for activities or shopping. She smiled a lot at us and treated me like I was really her daughter. I was naive to think nothing of it. I was too young to know.

When I was 12 she showed her true colours. My half brother was born. I loved him a lot. Not influenced by his mom’s Dr. Jekyll’s turn of personality.

Even though I was still half asleep, I somehow wobbled to the bathroom door.

Click.

Huuuuh…the door was locked. Ugh!

I banged on the door, annoyed.

“Adriaaaaaan! Get out!”

An annoying voice echoed through the door.

“Losers always last!”

“If you don’t get out in three seconds…!” I pounded the door harder.

I did not want to be late for my first day of high school. Adrian occupying the bathroom was not in my plans. The lock clicks and the door swings open. I quickly jump back as I see Adrian rush out of the bathroom towards his room.

“UGH!” I slammed the door behind me and proceeded to wash up for school.

As I slipped on the forest green coat of my school uniform, I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt so awkward. The uniform was too nice for me. Our house, which we were lucky to get at a decent rental price, was too nice. This school district was too nice. Everything was different from what I - we - were used to. Honestly, we were just lucky every time my uncles helped my dad to find a nice place. We were too poor to afford anything more.

My uncles were able to afford more than us. They followed high class education and had high class jobs. My dad was the only one who seemed to be the black sheep, and I felt it a lot at every family gathering. It made me uncomfortable.

This is it.

New school. New people. Maybe I’ll meet nice people?

No. Humans never change.

My lilac hair was in the same long, wavy mess it always was. I never bothered cutting it so it flowed halfway down my back. I slid my glasses on and left the bathroom to grab my things and put my shoes on. I saw Josh peeking in the hallway and smiled.

“See you later cutie.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek, ruffled his sleek black hair and proceeded to the front door.

As I opened the door, my stepmom stepped into view. She had a displeased look on her face.

“-Always late. Ridiculous.-” She snarked, speaking Vietnamese. She couldn’t speak English.

Ignoring her, I turned around and stepped out of the apartment.

Breathe.

***

I stuck my tongue out behind me towards my stepmom even though I was already out of the building. I really thought I did something. Wow.

Looking down the street, I noticed the bus was rolling up to the stop on the corner. I freaked out and made a run for it.

“Helena! Hurry up! The bus is coming!” I saw her screaming from a distance, waving her arms like crazy.

I let out a huge “EEP!” and made a bee line sprint towards the end of the street.

My feet hit the breaks on the concrete as I reached the bus. I clenched my knees gasping for air. My neighbors, Zelena and Maryam, stood there waiting for me.

“I’m here! Just…on time!” I gasped a bit more trying to calm my breathing.

We got on the bus one by one. Maryam tapped my shoulder and smiled.

“Don’t pass out right before school.”

Heh. I smirked and we parked ourselves somewhere midway in the bus aisle.

The bus was loud with chatter. I looked around nervously. Boys were play-fighting in the back rows. Girls were gossiping near the front.

“Same people on the bus from middle school,” Maryam noted calmly.

“Yeah I guess.” I stared out the window.

“How was ya’lls summer vacation? Mine was boring. Pff.” Zelena slightly rolled her eyes.

Maryam raised her arms, looking annoyed. “We went to Corpus Christi for a week, but that’s about it. I was stuck with some dumb cousins.”

“I also didn’t do much. Just hit the pool sometimes.”

Zelena suddenly grabbed our seat from behind, looking a bit too excited. “Hey, are you excited for high school?”

Sigh. “Not really..”

I was suddenly reminded of the last six months of middle school since we moved to this new district.

***

It was eighth grade. Walking down the corridor trying to get to my locker. Someone started cackling from behind me. I turned to see who it was. It was the one who had been making my new life in this new place feel like hell. This pale kid with blonde hair who would verbally abuse me every chance he got.

“Hey herpes! Hahaha!” He laughed in such a disgusting way.

I felt eyes of everyone in the corridor turning on me. This uncomfortable, itchy feeling. Like daggers slowly piercing me. I quickly covered my neck with my hands.

“That’s gross. Do you not shower?” He smiled even more. His K9’s peering under his lips.

Stop.

Stop it.

“Are you the Last of the Mohicans? What’s with that hair?” He had that same slimy smirk cross his face.

My hair was braided the way I always did it in my previous school district. No one ever commented about it since everyone there also had small braids.

STOP IT!!

The kids in the hallway started snickering and staring. I could hear them. I felt so disgusted. The heat was starting to rise in my body.

Leave me alone!!

My feet started moving before I could think. I ran.

And I don’t remember where.