I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. Because how would I have enough time to properly write? All I want to do is write, this just isn’t right. Why would I rather make garbage than get an education? It frustrates me to no end that I have to feel this way sometimes, scared to find I’ve lost my motivation after I’ve woken up. Like some sort of light switch was flipped, but I’m so blind I haven’t even noticed. The electricity is burning up, or maybe it’s the opposite. I don’t know. That’s why, I really don’t want to go to bed. I’d rather be up in my head, awake instead. But. I don’t want to be sleep-deprived. That’s not good for my health. Why would I do that to myself? But. If I don’t, I may lose out on what I could have said. Can it wait another day? Whatever it is I have to say? Is it even that important of a mission? Well, maybe it’s not and I just like to explain myself, trying to entertain anyone willing to listen. If nobody listens, then it’s just entertainment for myself, okay? That’s not so bad, and maybe it is that way. 

One day, I won’t have the choice though. To decide what I want to do, because I’ll have to go to work. Pray I won’t go berserk, in the middle of a shift or grow bored with whatever I end up doing. With whatever trouble I’ll have brewing! I’m worried, you see, that I won’t find a job I like that I’m good enough at and can stick with long enough. See, I’m not that tough, I fail at seeing things through to completion. My plans and projects barely come to fruition, and never in their entirety. There’s so much that inspires me! That’s why. Me oh my, I’m such a strange guy. If my mind moved faster, and I spoke my mind, I’d probably sound high. Though, aren’t we all a bit strange? Er, within our own range. For me, just a few years ago, I’d fill journals with ideas so deranged. Well, at least, not to me. Writing makes me feel so free to just… be. 

So no, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. I don’t want to go to sleep. Lately, I don’t even want to eat, there’s people I’d rather meet. But still I spend so much time in my room because I think they’re all so busy. With so much time that they can’t spend with me. And so, I drink “fun drinks” more than I eat and that’s where I think the calories are mainly. Yes, I can see it so plainly! Not an uncommon problem, unhealthy eating is quite common. I really should stop these habits of mine. Maybe I will try it sometime. Only for now, I want to enjoy this life: Being a kid devoid of strife. At least, that’s what I like to pretend. Maybe part of it’s true, though I’m not sure if I’d recommend living like that. There’s so much I want to do, but if I thought about the things I knew, they’d prevent me. From creating my garbage that I love to stew in, like a dog attracted to a smell it wants to bathe in. I’m weak, right now, coughing my lungs out sick. Whatever germs that got in, I’d like to kick. I guess when I sneeze or blow my nose, my body is sort of doing those… fighting moves, somehow. It’s remarkable, really:

Maybe I shouldn’t go to school tomorrow. But I should at least sleep. So my body isn’t as weak.