Sitting on the church bench, my eyes lost its focus staring at the hand-crafted marble statue. The sides of my dress had become wrinkled by how much force I gripped them. Today was the day of the Goddess, the seventh day of the week.

I had my whole day planned out. First, wear some comfortable clothes. After that, go to town, maybe with Karrie if she wanted to, and then use the whole day to go find something interesting to spend my silver coin on. Victoria woke me up as usual, however this morning she told me to get ready for church.

I glanced up at the statue of the Goddess with her smug expression. The sight of statues was starting to really annoy me. Did they all need to make the same face? Why can’t they just be faceless or have a mask on. At least make their eyes closed.

The sunlight shone through the stained glass window, draping its colors across the hall. I sat where the red light shone, the perfect spot for the statue to look down at me. I had to relax my hands as my dress would get torn if I didn’t control myself.

“And onto us, the Goddess bestowed these five commands!” The headpriest doing the sermon shouted something familiar. He was a middle aged man wearing an all white garment, the only other color being the golden scarf thing around his shoulders. A stole I think it was called.

He went on to explain the five rules one had to follow to not be damned: Killing, theft, adultery, lying, and intoxication. Weird. It was the same as the five precepts the monks used to tell me. Wasn’t it a unique concept? I thought back to what the monks had said to me once.

“Do you know why drinking is the last thing to be mentioned? That’s because it’s the most important one,” the monk said.

“Why isn’t killing the worst thing? That would make more sense.”

“Hmm, let me tell you a story then.”

There once was a young monk going around begging for food. A task assigned by his master as a form of study. It wasn’t a simple task to beg for food however. Knocking on the doors of houses and straw huts, silence would greet him more often than not.

One time, someone gave the monk a jug of wine, they had no water to give. The monk had never taken a sip of alcohol before, he had been raised in the temple after all. And feeling thirsty, he took a sip, and then a glug, and finally the whole jug was gone. He felt full.

Walking down the street, he was getting hungry from all that drinking. The young monk spotted a plump chicken in someone’s backyard. Passing through the rickety fence made from some wooden poles and ropes, he took the chicken and slaughtered it. There was a coal grill in the backyard, and beside it an oil lamp that hadn’t turned off yet. And so he began grilling it, the chicken. He felt full.

The house-owner heard the commotion in her backyard and yelled angrily at the monk for stealing her chicken. The monk had never seen such a beautiful woman before in his life, and before he knew it, as if some spell had taken over his mind, he had committed adultery. He felt full.

Returning back to his temple, the master asked him if he had done something other than go beg for food. For the robes he wore were dirty. No longer the same gray color as he left with.

“No,” replied the young monk.

The master looked upon the young monk. He felt full of sadness.

Finished with his unprompted story, the monk now asked me a question.

“How about it? Do you see why it is mentioned last? A drunk person will easily lose reason and do whatever their inner instincts tell them to do.”

“I don’t know. Would some alcohol really make someone do all that?”

The monk chuckled. “You may still be a bit too young to understand”

***

“May you all be blessed by the Goddess!” The booming voice snapped me out of my thoughts. The sermon had ended and the dozens of people started streaming out of the church. I followed my parents the opposite way.

“What a surprise to see you here today, Gale. Did something good happen?” The head-priest smiled.

I noticed Gale clench his fist. “Good to see you too, Father.” A big golden circle appeared. I turned to see if the priest saw it, no reaction. “We were wondering if we could meet with the priest who paid us a visit a few days ago?”

“Straight to the core of the matter as always.” The priest closed the holy book slowly, not making a sound, then with quiet steps, sauntered around the altar. “What’s with the hastiness? How about we chat over a cup of tea?” He motioned to the door at the back.

“Thank you for the offer, but we don’t want to take up more of your time than necessary.”

The priest stood still for a second, still smiling. “What a shame, I happen to have procured these new tea leaves, you see. It's not often you get things from the capital here, you know?” He paused for another second, then said with a slow voice.

“You must be talking about the new priest who joined us recently, speaking of which, he consulted with me on an interesting matter of his.”

He turned and stared at me. “Hmm, I see.”

I noticed something gold flicker in his eyes as Gale stepped forward, blocking his sight. “Mind yourself, Father.”

“Sorry about that, a force of habit.” He pulled out a bag from the altar. “Do you want some raisins, child?”

“No thanks,” I said. I hated raisins.

“Like father, like daughter.” He chuckled to himself. “Well, then. He should be in the library.” The priest opened the door lazedly, motioning us to follow.

“He is still unpleasant as ever.” Gale sighed. “This won’t take long, be right back.” Victoria and I were left behind as he went after the priest.

Victoria bent down to talk to me. “Want to go visit the courtyard? I heard they got some new pretty flowers!”

Holding her hand, the smell of flowers tickled my nose as I strolled around the courtyard. Roses the size of my palm and other flowers in all kinds of colors lit up the well-trodden path.

“I wonder if we could take some home with us,” she studied the peonies, “don’t you think it would spruce up our home, Esther?”

All I could do was nod as a golden circle had appeared before my mouth. I hated flowers. I couldn’t care less about them. They cost too much and their fragrant smell made me feel sick. I had seen enough of them already. Maybe I should ask the priest if he knew something about this annoying thing.

We sat on a bench after my mother was done with her flower-gazing. The gray church stood like a castle in the courtyard.

I turned to her. “Mom, would you rather I had my memories back?”

She furrowed her brows. “What are you talking about sweetie?”

I scratched my nail. “Isn’t that why we are at the church? To ask for a cure?”

“Well…” She took a moment to say the next words. “You know we will always love you, right? We just felt that you may be a bit frustrated not knowing all the things your father and I are talking about.”

I looked at a bird pecking at a peony. “I’m not. It’s kind of fun learning new things everyday.” I didn’t need to look to figure out what expression she held. She had wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug.

“Esther!” Someone shouted my name. “Let’s go and play!” It was Karrie, wearing a dress this time. Her pale shoulders peeked above her dress. I got permission to play for a bit and went over to where Karrie was waving.

She looked at me funny. “Are you still getting hugs at your age?”

“What’s wrong with that? I like them.”

“Wow… Gross…” She rubbed her shoulders. “I can’t believe how different you are now.”

I blinked. “Really, how did I act before?”

“Uhm, it didn’t look like you liked your mom all that much.”

“That’s ridiculous, was I stupid or something? Why would I dislike her?”

“Yeah, I thought so too! Your mom is ten times nicer than mine.”

Karrie told me more things about Esther, how she behaved, how she talked, and how she never looked to actually have fun whenever she played. Always having a sad or tired expression on her face. All in all, it sounded like Karrie liked this version of Esther a lot more.

“Hey, let's go find some cool insects,” she said.

“Insects? How do you find them?”

“You just need to find a really big rock and lift it.” She motioned with her hands. “I saw some really big ones behind the church!”

Following her, I turned around and looked at Victoria. Her hair was swaying gently in the cool wind and she had her eyes closed with a peaceful expression. I should let her sleep some more.

“This one will do.” Karrie gripped a decently sized rock and turned it over. Dozens of insects scrawled around with their roof now gone.

A big worm squirmed there on the dirt. It twirled and twirled as if trying to become a ball was its life’s purpose, before it then decided to rather be a stick. It was disgusting. It reminded me of that woman I dreamt about.

Why don’t you dig in the dirt if you’re getting burned by the sun? You incompetent worm. I’m glad I didn’t reincarnate into this stupid thing.

I grabbed a nearby stick and stabbed it in its thickest part. It went unscathed, my stick only pressing it further into the dirt helping it find cover from the sun. I stabbed at it again. The soft dirt let out a rotten smell. Again and again. Again, again, and again. It disappeared. There was a small crater where it had squirmed. I couldn’t even kill this single insignificant worm.

“Whoah, look at that beetle!” The outside rushed back into my senses. Karrie pointed at a beetle with her finger.

“I bet ya it will stink twice as much,” she chirped before upturning rock after rock, looking for an even bigger beetle. I didn’t see how she could enjoy herself in this place.

“What are you dumb girls doing?” Someone interrupted our activity. Strutting toward us was a tall moss-headed boy and a plain-looking boy trailing behind him.

Karrie stood up. “Ugh, it’s Finn and his lackey.”

“Who are they?”

“Someone annoying, just ignore them.” She turned away from them.

“Hey! I asked you a question!” Moss-boy demanded

“Bro, why are we even talking to them? Let’s go find some cool sticks!” The other boy said.

He suddenly roared. “I don’t care about some dumb sticks!”

“But you said-” He threw his hand over the other boy’s mouth.

Karrie sighed. “What do you want?” Her voice contrasted her earlier cheery tone.

“You!” The green boy pointed at her. “Why are you hanging out with Esther?”

She crossed her arms. “It’s nonya.”

“What’s nonya?” He asked.

“None of ya business!” Karrie guffawed.

“That’s not funny!”

“It was a bit funny…” The other boy commented.

Disgruntled, Moss turned to me. “Esther, you shouldn’t hang out with her.” And who the hell was he to tell me what to do?

I calmed my nerves. “Why not?”

“She’s a bad person! Don’t you remember how she spread the rumors?”

“What rumors?”

“Hey–” Karrie tried to interrupt him.

“That you are always pretending!”

“Stop!” Karrie went in front of me, blocking my vision of him.

“That the only reason we play with you is because you are pretty!”

I looked up at Karrie, he had spoken the truth.

“Esther, I didn’t really mean to–”

“Yeah right.” Finn interrupted. “You are only pretending to hang out with her aren’t you. You probably have some new evil plan to make her sad again. Stop being such a jealous person, Karrie.” She looked like a beaten up dog as he barraged her with comments. He looked smug too while doing it. That image irritated me to no end. For she was my friend.

“You shouldn’t hang out with those types of people.” He reached his soft hand toward me. “I didn’t believe those rumors at all you know?” He lied. “You should hang out with someone with a good personality like me instead.” His cheeks reddened a little as he said that.

I see, so that’s what it was. These kinds of people showed up occasionally in front of me. But each and every last one of them turned their nose at me after a while. Yeah, there was no way he would have a good personality with that irritating face of his. Should I find a way to kill him?

“No thanks, I’d rather play with Karrie.” Mosshead’s hand dropped.

“What? Why?”

“Because you are stupid, and your personality sucks.” The two boys looked shocked.

“What? I’m trying to help you out here!”

“Yeah, Finn is the smartest out of all of us!” The other stupid boy said stupidly.

“I don’t need or want your help. And why are you getting angry? I should be angry at you for even talking to me.”

“Esther…” Karrie eeked out.

I continued. “Your hair must be actually made out of moss for you not even being able to understand that.”

“I’m not getting angry!” He said angrily. “My dad said getting angry is only for weak people!”

I took a step closer to his face. “Is that right? Then you must be both angry and stupid. And your dad must be stupid too!” I felt my blood rushing in my veins.

“Don’t call my dad stupid!” My vision yanked upward towards the sky. It was blue and free of clouds, giving the sun a free shot at my eyes. The front of my shoulders hurt, but that paled in comparison to the impact the back of my head got. That piece of moss had shoved me to the dirty ground.

“Hey! Why did you do that!” I heard Karrie yell.

“I-I didn’t mean to!”

“Bro, let's just get out of here!”

I grabbed my throbbing head. I’ve had enough. Everything irritated me. Irritating statues, irritating gold circles, and irritating people.

It irritated me how this body was so weak, it irritated me that Victoria was always looking so concerned. And it irritated me how I couldn’t even control my emotions.

I turned to Karrie standing above me. She shouted at them. “You cowards! Why are you running! Come back here!”

“Karrie.”

“Oh, Esther, are you okay?” She had a conflicted expression on her face as she helped me up. “I’m really sorry…”

My voice growled. “Why are you sorry? They should be the ones saying sorry.”

“It’s my fault you got pushed… and I said those things about you…”

I stared into her downcast eyes. “Karrie, the truth is, I’m not the real Esther. So you don’t need to feel guilty for what you said about her.”

Karrie’s eyes blew up like a pair of plates.

“What?” She looked shocked.