“Did you just say no to me?”

“Appa…”

“Don’t you ‘Appa’ me as you sit there and defy me. I thought you were smarter than that, but I guess I give you more credit than you deserve. Park Seojun, you understand what will happen if you don’t come home don’t you? If you don’t come home now, don’t bother coming home at all.”

The blood in my veins turned to ice. Was he really doing this? Was he so obsessed with control that he would keep his own son from his mother and siblings? Would he be that cruel without even hearing me out? I looked at the black and white photo in my hands and knew in an instant what I needed to do. I have a responsibility. I can’t walk away now.

“I’m sorry, Appa. I can’t come home.”

“Don’t call. Don’t visit.”

“Appa, please…”

“Don’t show your face in Korea.”

“Will you please just listen to me for a moment?”

“You will not get a dime from me ever again.”

“Dad, I’m begging you. Please. Just listen!”

“From this moment on, you are no longer part of this family.”

Not even the passage of time eased the pain. The gut-wrenching scream that came from my mother still haunted me six years later. Hearing her beg her husband not to cut her off from her precious son, her darling Jun-Jun shattered me. The abrupt click cutting off her wails broke me. I couldn’t remember the last time I heard her sweet, gentle voice called out to me in her thick Filipino accent. I would give anything to hear her yell, “Aynako, Jun-Jun!”. She was my lifeline, my heart and soul. Father knew that being kept from her meant I would never feel complete. No matter how successful or accomplished I became, I would never truly be happy, and Park Minjun still tore me away from my family.

I pleaded with my father to hear me out, to let me explain myself for my “defiance”, but he would hear none of it. I knew that call would change my life, but I never expected it would turn out like this. The sound of the click didn’t just end the call; it had severed the ties between me and my family. I would bear the Park name but was no longer tied to them in any other way. I wouldn’t even be known as Park Seojun anymore. In America, I was known by my Western name, Johnathan – or Johnny – simply because it was easier for people to say. In essence, Park Seojun ceased to exist.

Park Minjun had always been a proud man. He rarely heard nor did he take hearing the word “no” very well. Being the CEO of Jangsu Group for as long as he’s been, he was used to getting his way. Within an hour of ending the call, he had frozen all credit cards, bank accounts, and any other funds he provided me instantly. That included the final payments of my tuition and rent for the apartment I was living in. I’d grown up hearing other chaebol children and privileged trust-fund babies complain about being cut off by their parents from money they didn’t earn, but when it happened to me, I had to admit I panicked. It was so sudden and put me in such a tough spot, I didn’t know what to do. It would have been different if I was back home in Korea. I would have had connections. People to help me get back on my feet. But I was in a foreign country with nothing more than the clothes on my back and the cash in my wallet.

Money was one thing, but my family was another. My father went to great lengths to be sure there was zero contact with his estranged son. I had been blocked from contacting them by phone, email, and through social media. The only way for me to contact them was for me to return to Korea and grovel at his father’s feet, begging for his forgiveness like a damn animal. If I had known things would turn out this way, I would have done things differently. I would have waited to complete my military service instead of going straight out of high school. That way I could have taken that vacation mom wanted to go on, hugged her a little tighter. I would have been a better big brother to my sister. Spent more time with her. Took her to get ice cream like she always asked me to. Maybe I could have tried to get along with my brother. Hung out more. Maybe I would have even tried talking to dad – really talk to him. I would have liked to have at least one pleasant conversation with him. But it would still have turned out like this. When the time came for me to decide to stay or go back home again, I knew I would choose to stay in America.

Sometimes I wondered how my absence was explained away. My father would never allow anyone outside the family to know his son not only defied him but disrespected him as well. After all, to the world, he had sent his precious son to America to go to college and took care of every financial need he had. He looked like a devoted father giving his son a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If they found out I refused to come home, no matter the reason, I would come out looking like an unappreciative, no-good son. Even if that’s what his father thought, he would never allow anyone to think the same of me.

They didn’t know the whole story. They didn’t know this opportunity came with strings attached or that I had to beg his father to send me abroad. In return for being let off my leash for a few short years, I would return to only have that leash tightened. The price of my freedom was my life and my dreams. I would only be allowed to study in America if my father chose my area of study and gave up music for good. Since I was a kid, Appa would tell me that singing and playing guitar was a waste of time. I was to grow out of that foolish fantasy sooner rather than later. The longer this went on, the more I was an embarrassment to him and the Park family name.

I remember being told as a child, “We come from a family of businessmen, not idols. Your grandfather didn’t break his back in the fields day after day for you to sing and dance like a fool.” At a young age, it was engraved in our heads that if it didn’t benefit Jangsu Group, it wasn’t acceptable. Walking away from the thing I loved the most was the hardest thing I had to do, but I was so desperate to escape the cage I had been trapped in my entire life I foolishly agreed without second thought.

Now that I had broken the terms I made with his father, Park Minjun was sending a message to the rest of the family: Cross him and face the consequences.

Only, I wasn’t the only one suffering those consequences now.

“Hey, Johnny,” Theo called as he nudged me with his elbow, “you good? I’ve been trying to get your attention for ten minutes, but you’ve been staring off into space.”

I looked over at his friend sitting beside me. I met Theodore “Theo” Ramos when I came to America ten years ago. We were in college and within fifteen minutes of meeting, the tall, dark-haired Latin man started hitting on me. I politely declined his advances and offered friendship in return. Over time, we became as close as brothers. Theo saw me at his best and stood beside me when I hit rock bottom. I felt closer to Theo than I did my actual brother. The thought was depressing.

“Yea,” I sighed with a forced smile. “I’m good. Just thinking. That’s all.”

“Ah shit. We all know how dangerous that can be,” Mateo, Theo’s younger brother, teased. “Whatcha got to think about anyway? You meet a woman without telling us?”

“Yea right,” I scoffed as I swirled the whiskey in my cup before drinking it until nothing was left. “Like a woman would want a man like me.”

“Look at this jerk playing coy,” Theo mocked. “I’m pretty sure women are attracted to six-foot four men with gorgeous grey blue eyes, flawless skin, and look like they walked out of the naughtiest smut novel you can imagine. Not to mention your huge pe…”

“THEO!”

I could feel my face turn hot. Theo thoroughly enjoyed making me uncomfortable and there was no better way than to talk about obscenities in public. I’m not pure or innocent by any means. I’m a man that had dirty, lewd thoughts about women just as much as the next. But I didn’t speak of them in public. I had been raised to be modest and respectful, so you’d rarely hear me talk about sex or anything of that nature in public. Behind closed doors…now that was a different story.

“Personality. I was going to say you have a huge personality.” 

I shook my head as I motioned for the bartender to fill my glass with another whiskey. How many have I had now? Two? Three? I need to call it quits before it gets too late.

“I don’t get why you’re so embarrassed,” Theo sighed. “You’re a good-looking guy. You just hide under these hideously oversized clothes and these thick ass glasses.” When he realized I wasn’t listening to him, he snatched the baseball hat off my head. “Take this stupid hat off. It’s like you’re actively trying to ward women off. Keep it up and you’ll end up alone for the rest of your life.”

“I’m not alone, I have you guys.”

Theo stared at me blankly for a few seconds. “That is the single most depressing thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You realize there are plenty of women that would do anything to go out on one date with you?”

“Yea,” Mateo chimed in, “guys like me would kill for that kind of attention.”

“You can have it,” I laughed. “I don’t want it.”

“What happened to that wild, crazy, care-free Johnny I met ten years ago?” Theo asked half-jokingly. “Women, parties, booze…that guy knew how to have a good time.”

“He had to grow up really fast,” I sighed as I drank some of the golden liquid in my cup.

“Do you need me to find you a date? Women find it easier to tell gay men when and what kind of man they’re looking to date.”

“Seriously Theo, I’m good. I don’t need to go on any dates.” The women on these blind dates seemed to say what I wanted to hear and had no actual opinions for themselves. It was an exhausting ordeal. “I can find one on my own.”

“Can you though?” he questioned skeptically. “When was the last time you went on a date?”

It hasn’t been that long…right? Shit. Was it two…three mo…no. Not months, definitely years. Has it really been years since I last went on a date?

“Dude, if you have to think about it, it’s been too long,” Mateo sighed.

“So I haven’t been on a date in a while,” I snapped, “there’s no shame in that.”

“Johnny, tell us the truth,” Theo said in a low tone as he put his hand on my arm, “are you having problems down there? Is it not working anymore?”

I shook my friend off, sending the brothers into a laughing fit. “Everything works perfectly fine down there. It’s been a while, but it gets the job done,” I barked.

“Can you call it getting things done if it’s over prematurely?” Mateo teased.

“It’d still be twice as long as you. Time and size,” I bit back. 

“Didn’t have to get so personal,” the younger Ramos brother grumbled to himself as he went back to drinking his beer.

“Seriously guys, thank you, but I don’t need any help getting it up or finding dates.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that Mr. Park,” a woman said gleefully. I knew that voice and it made me flinch every time I heard it. “Does that mean you’re finally going to take me out?”

I didn’t need to turn around to know that there was a young, red-headed woman standing behind us. Pacey Henley is arguably my biggest admirer at Henley Construction. She’s daughter of the CEO and secretary to the head project manager, who was her brother. She is the definition of a nepo baby, abusing her power and hiding behind her last name to ensure she never got in trouble for anything she did. Despite Theo’s position in the HR department, somehow Pacey’s antics get swept under the rug once they elevate higher than him. She gets a slap on the wrist and harasses me the next day as if nothing happened.

If something like this happened at Jangsu, there’d be hell to pay. Because the family’s name and reputation were at stake, the board wasted no time rooting out people that would become problems. The idea of being let off the hook simply because you were family was absurd. The family were held to a higher standard. My father’s older brother – the original successor – had been removed from the company due to a scandal. Even his children were ousted – working as entry-level employees, secretaries, and chauffeurs. Like dear old dad, Halabeoji wanted to send a clear message to the family: Only perfection was acceptable. Another reason I can’t go back.

I took a deep breath and braced myself before turning in my stool to face Pacey. “Ms. Henley, it’s a surprise to run into you,” I said with a smile. Ignoring her now only means I’d never get a moment’s peace at work.

“I’m a little hurt, Jonathan,” Pacey feigned offence, “I’ve been asking you to join me for drinks for some time and you always say you’re busy, yet here you are with them drinking the night away.”

“Because he actually likes us,” Mateo mumbled into his beer bottle.

“Excuse me?” Pacey snapped. “What did you just say?”

I kicked Mateo’s leg. The idiot’s getting drunk and when he is, he can’t hold his tongue. I glanced over at Theo, signaling him to do something about his brother but he just buried his face in the empty glass in his hand. Whatever she held over his head, the usually loud and outspoken Theodore Ramos was rendered speechless. He didn’t dare speak to the boss’s daughter - not even to stick up for his brother.

“We carpooled today and it was a spontaneous stop,” I interjected. “It wasn’t that we didn’t invite you, it simply was that it wasn't planned. My apologies.”

“Then why don’t I join you?” Pacey grinned as she reached out and touched my arm. “You can buy me a drink.”

I fought the urge to yank my arm away from her. I’m already not one for physical touch, but this just made my skin crawl. I’ve rejected her advances numerous times, but Pacey doesn’t seem to notice or care that I wasn’t interested. She just acted as she pleased, making the situation even more uncomfortable.

“Ms. Henley, I apologize, but I’ll have to turn you down again,” I said as politely as I could. “I would rather keep my professional and personal lives separate. Getting involved with anyone from work can complicate things.”

“Shut up. Shut up. Shut up,” Theo kept whispering to me.

“Yet you drink and carpool with the Ramos brothers,” Pacey pointed out. “You seem to like to pick and choose who you let into your personal life. It hurts my feelings. You know, there are perks to being friends with the boss’s daughter. There is that school renovation project coming up and there are several other carpenter crews bidding for the job.”