“I was just using everything in my power to protect those important to me—that’s the kind of man I want to be. Also, sorry to inform you, missy, but of all the ‘soft silky skin’ I’ve encountered, yours comes nearly dead last.”

The ratio of beautiful girls was abnormally high in this world, but Liliana’s feminine charms ranked (according to Subaru) somewhere near the bottom. Dead last was Beatrice, second to last was Felt, and Liliana probably took the third-worst prize.

“Humphie! First, you immobilize me, then you wound my delicate heart! Butbutbut!”

Though resentful of Subaru’s criticisms, Liliana danced before Emilia with the insolence of a rat. Emilia’s expression stiffened under the tiny girl’s stare. And then—

“Not only are you beautiful, but you’re also dignified at your core. You made my heart go thwomp!”

“Er, oh. Okay—did I?”

“Yes, milady! I must humbly apologize for my boorish impertinence earlier. If your chore boy hadn’t stopped me, my family would disown me for such outrageous behavior!”

“Oh, I see now. You’re a disaster-bard!”

Subaru was astonished by her impulsively brazen admission of guilt, but Liliana just cheerfully began to strum her instrument.

“I may not look it, but my senses are razor-sharp. If the muse of inspiration flashes before my eyes, then impatience simply eats away at me! Which is why the racial reasons that forbade me to speak openly of Lady Emilia’s beauty and courage compounded into a jumbled soup of crazy!”

“Dang, you’re like a breath of fresh air. Don’t see your type much in this world.”

Liliana’s needless enthusiasm was loud, but oddly enough, it wasn’t unpleasant. Her sincerity and voice were to thank for that. The bard’s beautiful voice tickled hearts and wormed inside her listeners in a way that was surely innate. It dawned on Subaru that performing was indeed her calling.

“Either that, or her calling is selling duvets and water purifiers to old people,” Subaru muttered in awe.

“What—what—what? Just going off vibes here, but I feel like I was just insulted!” Liliana responded dramatically, but Subaru smoothly ignored it.

Now that Subaru was relaxed and no longer actively hostile, Emilia smiled at the freewheeling girl and said, “I appreciate the compliments, but I don’t think I’m that beautiful.”

“Hey! Hey! Just now? A feeling I cannot abide as a woman exploded inside me! The muse has spoken. I present you with my new song—‘Ohhh My Damn Goddess.’”

“Shut up! But, Emilia-tan, I really do think you need to do something about that mentality of yours!”

With Subaru and Liliana both disagreeing wholeheartedly, all Emilia could do was tilt her head down awkwardly, a look of disbelief on her face.

4

Looking back, the first morning Subaru was invited to the dining hall for breakfast, he was plagued with anxiety and nervousness. He couldn’t help but think about it as he sipped his tea in the drawing room at Roswaal Manor. His thoughts on the flavor were the same as always—overbrewed and unpleasant.

“What’s wrong, Subaru? You’re making a really peculiar face.”

As Subaru dwelled on bitter memories and strong tea, Emilia called out to him.

“I was just reminiscing a little. You remember how I used to be in my shell when I first came to this manor?”

“Were you? But, Subaru, weren’t you boldly leering your first morning here just as you are now?”

“‘Leering’? That makes me sound insanely suspicious!”

Their wildly different takes on the matter made Subaru’s jaw drop. When Emilia saw Subaru scratch his cheek anxiously, she put a finger to her lip and said, “Just kidding. You looked like you were deep in thought, so I wanted to tease you a little.”

“You for real? Well, that’s a serious case of E M A (Emilia-tan’s a Major Airhead)!”

“Yeah, yeah. And you too, Liliana. You really don’t need to be so nervous.” Subaru’s flippant reply went unheeded as Emilia was more focused on reassuring Liliana, who was shrinking into a little ball across from her. Forgetting her cheerfulness back at the village, the bard jolted up, her face pale, as she squeaked, “Okay.”

“Whoa, somebody’s freaking out. What happened to all that confidence?”

“Y-you might think different, but of course I’m nervous. A c-country bumpkin like me suddenly got whisked away to the lord’s manor…the manor of a marquis to boot… Wh-what if I screw up…?”

“They’ll wipe out your whole family line and won’t stop there—even the land they live on won’t be spared. Scorched earth. A dog’s death.”

Right when Liliana’s nerves couldn’t get any worse, Subaru drew a thumb across his throat to drive the point home. Liliana looked like she was going to be sick, and Emilia immediately slapped Subaru’s knee.

“Subaru, that’s enough!” Emilia scolded, her cheeks puffed.

“Sorry, my bad. Didn’t think she’d take the joke that badly,” Subaru sheepishly apologized. Still, Subaru was secretly satisfied to see the lost-kitty look in Liliana’s eyes considering everything she’d put him through in the village square.

After Subaru and the others returned from Earlham Village, they occupied the Roswaal Manor’s drawing room for a friendly—rather, an uncomfortable chat. They were waiting for the master of the house to be free to receive their guest. That was how the trio came to be awkwardly seated on the sofas.

“But hey, did you see the sour look on Ram’s face when she met us? It felt like we were parasites, bringing a big bag of pestilence with us.”

“Eep! So I really am unwelcome… Er, I’d better escape while I still can…!”

“Liliana, it’s all right. Subaru, stop making her uncomfortable. Don’t you feel sorry for her?”

“I wasn’t trying to freak her out; I’m just telling her the facts. Chances are Ram actually is unhappy that she has more work to do now.”

Ram was a maid who had a special relationship with Roswaal and a haughty attitude that seemed out of place given her profession. When they asked her to be the go-between to get Liliana into Roswaal Manor, she’d heaved a not-so-subtle sigh after one glance at the bard.

There was little doubt that she was seething with resentment while speaking to her master now about the guest.

“There’s no telling what terrible reviews Roswaal is hearing about Liliana this very moment. For all we know, he thinks a towering giant with a raspy voice is here for an audience.”

Not even the infamously eccentric Roswaal would chance meeting with somebody of dubious value to him. And what a shame it would be if that was what dashed Liliana’s hopes.

“Don’t worry, my sister is not that unfair. She would not prioritize her feelings when seeking Master Roswaal’s opinion.”

Subaru’s concerns were addressed by a blue-haired girl carrying a steaming teapot. This beautiful girl, dressed in a provocative maid’s uniform that exposed part of her back, chest, and shoulders, was named Rem. She had come to gracefully set down a selection of sweets and refill empty teacups. Subaru held out his cup, bringing it closer to Rem and the waiting teapot.

“Sweets are one thing, but I always thought of pouring tea as Ram’s job.”

“Well, she has been quite busy lately. Besides…I wish to prepare the tea when you drink it, Subaru. Your Rem can fill the tea with her feelings…and other things.”

Her bold declaration made Subaru flinch. “For the love of all that’s holy, please stick with tea leaves and hot water!”

Rem pouted slightly and muttered, “If you insist.”

Ever since the trouble with the demon beasts had ended, Rem’s attitude toward Subaru had improved dramatically. He appreciated her newfound affection, but it also deeply confused his fragile boyish heart. Neither he nor anyone around him realized this was the typical reaction of a boy who had never been popular with the ladies.

“Well, we supposedly invited her for some tasty snacks and tea. Technically, we made good on that promise.”

“Oh please, Subaru… If you tell me my tea and sweets are tasty and what a pretty maid I am—I’m blushing,” Rem protested, pressing her hands to rosy cheeks.

“Everything you said is true, but did you just sneak in an extra compliment there?” Subaru couldn’t resist pointing that out.

With a shy giggle, Rem quietly said, “Also…I heard she was an ordinary bard. Why did you bring her here?”

Subaru whispered back, “Ohhh, right. Emilia-tan took a liking to her, and— Well, actually, it’s a bit complicated. I dunno how she did it, but she saw through Emilia-tan’s Block Identification.”

Rem’s eyes narrowed slightly when she heard this. Block Identification was a spell woven into the robe Emilia wore in public to hide her half-elf features. Without Emilia’s express permission or the ability to overcome the magic cast on the robe, nobody should have been able to tell who Emilia was.

“You say she saw through it, but…Master Roswaal wove that spell in himself. It’s hard to believe anybody could do such a thing.”

“Right? That’s why we had her come here with us. We couldn’t just leave her there.”

They had used Ram’s tea and Rem’s sweets as a pretense for taking her to the manor. Liliana had been reluctant, but she’d obediently taken the bait when it was offered. On a certain level, Subaru was terribly concerned for the girl’s future if she was always this gullible.

In any case, this wasn’t a matter they could ignore, so Subaru and the others brought the bard back to the manor.

“I understand,” Rem said. “In other words, we should silence her before she has the chance to say anything, yes?”

“You don’t understand crap. Look, phrases like ‘we should silence her’ sound way too real coming from you!”

“Oh please, Subaru, your Rem would never stoop so low.”

Rem jokingly stuck out her tongue…but prior circumstances meant this wasn’t at all convincing. (To be fair, those prior circumstances only existed in a fragment of Subaru’s memory.)

“Man, your sweets are like a miracle drug, Rem,” Subaru said.

No matter how stiff and nervous she’d been initially, the moment Liliana helped herself to one of the fragrant baked treats, there was no room in her mind for anything else. Rem was undeniably skilled at housework, but her true gift was baking.

“Lemme have a taste… Oh yeah. These are awesome, Rem.”

“Thank you so much, Subaru! I poured my heart and soul into these snacks… I gave it my all…so that I would be at peace if I could never bake ever again.”

“It’s just baking. Do you treat it like a fight to the death every time?!”

As Subaru savored Rem’s magnum opus, he shuddered a little when she practically declared it a matter of life and death.