“You okay?” a voice asked him. “You’ve been staring into space for a while now.”

Zhen Xue blinked out of his daze, mentally returning to the small office where he worked. Alice, a short haired brunette woman, and his engineer coworker, stood at his side and watched him with pity. 

He cleared his throat, moving aside to not occupy the space in front of the coffee machine, watching as she made quick use of the space, turning the machine on again. His hand felt warm, he realized. He looked down and noticed the filled coffee mug in his hand. When did that get there?

He sighed at his own negligence, knowing it was going to be a long day. Ever since the events last night, he couldn’t shake his concern for the silver masked man after escaping with Aelius.

He shifted on his feet, trying to stay out of his head. 

He’ll be fine. That man looked quite capable. Not only that, but he was a ghost.

But what if he was wrong?

His hand tightened on the mug as it nearly slipped from his hand. 

Alice frowned. “Why don’t you take the day off?”

“Right,” he said, knowing he wouldn’t be much use right now. The company tasked his team of engineers to handle a piece of machinery that was intended to be revolutionary for the manufacturing department. As one of their top qualified engineers, his input was invaluable to this project, so if he could not be helpful, staying out of their way was best. 

He didn’t wave farewell, grabbing his briefcase on his desk as he left the office, stepping out into the snow. As the coldness seeped through his clothes, his stomach growled in protest, sending him to the bathroom for several hours. The sky was already dark by the time he finished, leaving him to walk home around the time his shift normally ended.

What unlucky timing... The story of his life, really.

His insomnia has become worse these days. 

The sleeping aid his therapist recommended was knocking him out, but didn’t ease his unpleasant dreams. Plus he was catching colds more often. It was like the world was beating him down at every turn. He considered himself a resilient person, taking on new challenges at his job whenever he could, but each new problem chipped away his endurance and left him bone tired. 

His effort never seemed enough for anyone. Even during that time when…

He sucked in a deep breath, pushing away the thought. 

Aelius was right. His obsession with the silver haired ghost would kill him.

He passed under the awning of a local bakery on Westbourne Grove, nearly at Lancaster Road’s apartment complex. There was a row of bicycles to rent on his left. A few cars passed him as he walked, their headlights brightening the otherwise dark road. Shops were already closed at this hour, owners going home for the night.

What if he did end up getting himself killed? The path he was on was dangerous. It was better that he didn’t have attachments or anyone that would miss him. His family was dead and he really didn't allow himself to have friends.

The snow began to fall as he stepped onto the porch of his apartment—a tall white building with a balcony overhead. He was renting the room upstairs from an old woman that lived downstairs. She didn’t exactly like him, but he paid her good money. 

The apartments in this area were decent and affordable, especially when renting from others. He had his own washer and dryer, walk-in closet, and a balcony where he could write his novels out in the fresh air. The only problem was the outdated heating and cooling systems, which meant he didn’t always have hot water—a small issue, but he did miss hot showers. 

He stepped through the door after shaking the snow from his boots. He sighed at the scrapes on them, locking the door behind himself. Buying another pair seemed more like a luxury than a necessity right now. Some things weren’t worth the expense of his living. He enjoyed it here, despite the old woman giving him a hard time. 

“I swear something goes wrong every time he’s around,” Ms. Lockwood said, raising her squeaky voice.

Speak of the devil… Zhen Xue rolled his eyes, having heard the same story over and over again. He walked around the corner stairwell into the living room that was adjacent to the kitchen. Ms. Lockwood stood at the kitchen sink, clutching the cellphone to her ear as she continued to yap about him bringing misfortune to her apartment and how she wanted him gone. He could hear Aelius sigh on the other end of the line and felt a tad bad for him.

Aelius spoke up when she was about to reach the pinnacle of her point from the last five minutes. “We understand your concern, however bullshit it may be,” he added. “But curses don’t exist and they don’t warrant an arrest.”

Choosing this exact moment to make his presence known, Zhen Xue cleared his throat, smiling slightly at the way she jumped. He walked to the fridge, ignoring her stare as he grabbed a bottle of water. “I’ll be heading upstairs.”

When she followed him, he paused. The sound of a fire in the hearth crackled in the silence.

He turned to face her again, jaw slightly tense. “Yes?”

“Someone moved into the empty room across from yours,” she said, stuffing her phone into her sweater pocket.

He wasn’t exactly impressed, beginning to regret that he stayed.

“You should show him around sometime,” she insisted, arriving at her point. “He’s a foreigner.”

She couldn’t be serious. He was also a foreigner, but… Yeah, alright, she did have a point. He knew the area better than someone new. When he had some time from work, he could show them around—not for her benefit though. “Alright,” he said, continuing up the staircase. 

His hands were shaking by the time he entered his room. His back hit the door when it closed, sliding down to the floor. He couldn’t stop the panic attacks, no matter how much therapy he went to. They did get easier. At least he knew by sitting through them, the panic was the worst that could happen. The coldness from the water bottle helped ground him.

He still frequently dreamed of that night. Little things, like the fire running downstairs would trigger his anxiety.

His eyes grew heavy, longing for sleep.

No, please… He didn’t want to see them again, not like that.

His mind sank into that deep, slumbering nightmare.

Flames crackled into the night breeze as they appeared before his eyes, blazing and bright. 

He’d arrived too late yet again, always hoping he could be a few seconds faster, as though that would make a difference and he could save them. 

After repeatedly going through the same event, he could now recall the amount of steps he took to get home—a small sliver of knowledge that he couldn’t forget, only further weighing on his consciousness.

His older brother, Zhen Zhi, was exactly where Zhen Xue last saw him. No matter how many times he faced him, Zhen Xue still fell to his knees in despair, feeling like that should be him there instead. 

Tears didn’t come out as easily as they did the first hundred times. He didn't start crying until he heard his older brother panting weakly, his breath growing shorter by the moment.

Zhen Zhi laid taunt on the ground, blood pooling around him, part of his face disfigured from the fire that burned down their home. “Little brother…” he croaked out, coughing up blood and regaining some awareness. “I told you to run. Why did you come back to this terrible scene?”

Zhen Xue couldn’t say anything at first, letting Zhen Zhi’s words hang in the air while he thought about all the ways he failed them. He had this conversation countless times, but like a bad habit he couldn’t break, he willingly stepped into the same trap. 

“I failed you,” he whispered brokenly, reaching out to clutch the front of Zhen Zhi’s clothes as though by sheer willpower he could keep him alive. “No, that doesn’t even matter anymore…” he said, more to himself. Apologizing wouldn’t bring them back. He said enough of them to know.

Why? Why did this happen?! The day began like any other in the Zhen household, but when he returned home from class, a sudden, unexpected tragedy occurred, shattering the normalcy. Even now, he could feel nothing but the wind sweeping across his tear-stained face and the hollowness now placed in his chest where warmth used to dwell.

Zhen Tianshi, their younger sister by a year apart, laid lifeless nearby, discarded beneath a mountain of ruin. What about the braised pork she promised to make when he passed his exams? A celebratory dinner for the promises of the future they would make together. Such thoughts were pointless now, but he still choked up while looking at the sole of her shoes. 

Waves of grief wash over him like a tidal wave, knowing he’ll face a reality without her. Her stiff body was all that remained, yet he repeated the words like before, a broken mantra. “Little sister… My finals are approaching. Graduation is only a week away,” he whispered at her corpse. “Won’t you get up and celebrate with us?”

Zhen Zhi squeezed his hand, trying to bring him comfort. “She would be proud of you,” he said, holding his gaze. “I’m proud of you,” he continued, forcing himself to smile for his sake, knowing that words wouldn’t stop his approaching death. 

Yet, his older brother still tried to wear a mask for him despite bleeding out and half lifeless. That knowledge used to make him weep even more, but this time, Zhen Xue held his gaze with half broken appreciation. 

“You will survive this.” Zhen Zhi coughed. “Your life is just beginning to blossom.”

“While yours is ending before my eyes.” Zhen Xue shook his head at the ground, smiling brokenly at nothing. “What about our plans to see the Northern mountains? What about the field of flowers Tianshi longed to care for? When I made enough money for the three of us, we promised to live without regrets. We were so close to having that future, but my efforts were too late.” He was too late. His hands tightened at his sides, regret twisting in his stomach like a knife.

Zhen Zhi sighed heavily, silence spreading between them as he stared at what was once their younger sister. “Perhaps Tianshi is already in that field of flowers, caring for them,” he suggested. “Perhaps the three of us will reunite on the Northern mountains one day.” His dark gaze looked a bit more hopeful as they returned to Zhen Xue. “Live well so that we can hear your stories. Though we can’t travel with you anymore, that doesn’t mean we can’t be together again someday.”

Before his eyes could glaze over, Zhen Xue pushed through his sadness, swearing with reverence like he does every time, though the flood of hope he once had by saying them were long forgotten. “I promise,” he whispered numbly. 

He took a shaky breath, watching Zhen Zhi’s breath finally leave him. No longer did he have the energy to repeat the rest of the words he once said, how he hoped they would wait for him on the Northern mountains. How they’ll share Tianshi braised pork, sitting around together, reminiscing about the good old days, and then he’d share his stories with them as promised. Over time, he realized they wouldn’t wait around. 

“You should’ve died too,” Zhen Zhi hissed into his ear—a hallucination he knew, but yet when spoken from his voice, Zhen Xue could only believe those words, knowing them to be true.

He still remembered the scream that broke through him that night, both raw and broken. He wanted to drown and drown until the numbness swallowed him whole, but he couldn’t. Not yet. 

Usually, at this point in the dream, he’d wake up in a cold sweat, but this time, the nightmare didn’t end. The figure in white made an appearance. His long silver hair bellowed around his white clothes, leaving one with a distinct impression. This man was not human, not anymore. Though Zhen Xue could not make out his face in the dark, having never seen more than his cocky smile, he recognized him immediately and for a moment, he saw red. 

The ghost approached him with haste, raising his ebony blade over Zhen Xue as though to finish what he started. Zhen Xue didn’t even so much as flinch, glaring at the source of his suffering with enough fire to rival the demons in hell. “You want to kill me?” he laughed. “Go ahead, but I will ensure we both die together.”

The ghost smiled, pausing for a moment—something icy about the way he gripped the sword tighter. “You should probably wake up,” he said with a thoughtful tone. “Can’t have you losing your mind when we have so much to do.”

The ghost swept forward, flicking his forehead with an intensity that sent him falling backwards. He succumbed to the darkness and when he awoke, he was no longer in his room. He paused, feeling the chill in the air, and for the first time, questioned whether what he knew was real.

He looked down, finding the hands of a child and wobbled on his two legs as he moved to the nearest window. From this height, one could see for miles and witness the golden lanterns floating among the stars, and how the lights flickered from the city below as locals enjoyed the festivities… The view stole his breath. This was Cassanova’s spring festival—an event that he wrote about in his novel, The Water God and his Silver Dragoness. 

“Dianxia,” a boy mumbled from behind him, as though the word was a sacred treasure he rediscovered. Zhen Xue inhaled sharply, praying that whoever was behind him was speaking to someone else. He turned around to find Ming Yi, the male lead from his story, who looked up at him with his green eyes set ablaze with fervor. “You were screaming in your sleep.”

Zhen Xue faltered backwards, heart pounding loudly with fear. His back hit the wall as a terrible crawling sensation crept over his skin. Ming Yi’s loyalty to the prince was unhinged. He was down right possessive and eventually, would not hesitate to kill him to keep him ‘safe.’ 

Moving out from within the shadows, Zhen Xue’s eyes widened at the silver haired ghost that appeared. His long white clothes bellowed around him as he approached Ming Yi, raising his ebony blade just like before.

Instinctively, Zhen Xue rushed forward, pulling Ming Yi out of the way and down the hallways of the royal palace. For now, neither of them could survive without the other.