Seven days quickly turn into years.

Waking up at 3 AM. Taking two pills. I started taking two because after a year I felt like the effects were wearing off. Sitting on my fresh floor until I feel better – mostly waiting for my tachycardia to stop - and I am able to fall asleep. Once a month, when I am in my heat, I take an injection of hormones. 

At least, when I feel like it is here. I never knew for sure because I never went medication free, but I would feel slight increases in discomfort in some weeks and deducted it from it.

When I brought the syringes, they necessarily came in a pack of two : one is an heat-activator and the other an heat-inhibitor. I never used the first one. They are supposedly for the ones that want to have kids.

I currently only have one package left because I accidentally broke a few syringes. I did restock on pills though. It should be sufficient until next week but I want to retrieve my late package fast.

On good days, I am asleep by 4 and half - and 3 hours later, on school days I am woken up by my alarm.

The tiredness was the most prominent effect : because of the pills themselves and me overdosing and because of the nocturnal awakenings to take everything. 

And this shit made my heart beat like crazy for about an hour so impossible to immediately fall asleep. The side effects I recorded so far are nauseas, headaches, palpitations, vertiges, vomiting. The syringe intensified everything but was necessary. 

Most of them were just after taking the medicine and then died down.

It was 7 and I prepared myself to go to school. Only four hours of class today. I washed my face with cold water and clapped my cheeks. I went to the kitchen.

Everyone was gone except my dad who was eating breakfast - because of home office work later. We spoke a bit. He wasn’t entirely up, so I let him rest. I am tired too.

I asked Damien to come get me by car pretending to be lazy because I felt too ill-at-ease to drive safely. I knew he would come get me because it wasn't unusual for us to co-drive and I lived the closest from school. He needed to come by my street anyway. I showered, got dressed, and took my laptop.

When Damien arrived, I could see that the car was full. They probably had spoken in the group but I didn't check it. I would be in the back and would be cramped.

Lola was in the passenger seat, she didn't have a car. Rence was in the back. Damien, Lola and I were childhood friends. Rence just started to tag along when he arrived but he fitted perfectly with us.

"Jove, you know this festival - the 1st?" Lola turned to me

Damien sighed and his hand on his face.

"What? Yes” I said a bit harshly overstimulated by my internal and external discomforts 

"They announced and all out scenes and I want us-"

"No" I immediately answered, my hands in my pockets and tilting my head back. She knows I don’t play guitar anymore.

"Jove please you just have to follow an easy partitions" She insisted

"You know I can't and I'm tired so drop it" I closed my eyes

"Way to go in the morning" She snipped

"You didn't even-”  I started loudly and tensing up which made everyone look my way. Being scrutinized this way stopped my outburst and I just conceded, trying to reach the car handle  « I'll take my car"

She blocked the car door and apologized "Sorry, I expected it"

"We told you" Damien said

"You look like shit anyways. I don’t want you on stage"

"Thanks" I responded

"We'll come see you, right?" Rence chimed in

"And I'll judge" I said

"I'll do as I can without my bestie" Lola fake-cried

She proceeded to tell me about his plans for the festival.

We were all in the same class. It had been years since the four of us were in the same class. Not that it ever mattered because I was serious in class so I didn’t speak to them or dozed off and we always found a way to see each other.

We only had morning class today because the mathematics’ teacher was absent. I went harshly through the morning. My head was pounding and I had nauseas. I didn’t really listen to the class and tried to concentrate on my breathing.

We still planned to all eat together in the canteen. After my class when I got up I suddenly felt sicker. Probably from the sudden movement. I couldn’t hide my discomfort while people were packing and leaving the classroom. My friends Damien and Lola noticed and went around me.

« What is wrong? »

« I don’t know. Just feel bad » I suddenly had a big wave of nausea and put my hand on my mouth to reach the bin. Hopefully, I didn’t puke but I felt like I swallowed some of my intestinal fluids.

"Don't worry, go register for the festival. » I said to Lola. I knew she needed to do it now. And it’s not like her being here would make me feel better.

"Where is Rence?" She asked

"With Fiona, I think" Damien said

"Or Sophie or Ellie" I laughed. He was a player. « Just go, I will stay here » I reassured them « And I’ll call my brother" I knew he was in the area this afternoon.

---

I called my brother and waited for him in the parking lot. I didn’t actually tell him I felt bad. I asked him if he was already in the neighborhood, so I asked him to come get me.

After insisting and having called my brother, Damien finally left me alone. It was from a nice intent but with him being here I needed to pretend to feel better than I actually felt.

I saw my brother’s car and went directly to it. I instinctively went towards the passenger's seat only to find my place was already taken.

By his girlfriend.

I couldn’t help it but sigh at the situation. I diverted my eyes from them and just wanted to cry. It wasn’t a good time to chit chat with her. Why didn’t he tell me on the phone ?

I went to the backseat and didn’t say anything. My brother immediately noticed something was wrong, but his girlfriend didn’t and tried to salute me.

“Hello” She said

« Hi » He said

« Hi » I responded curtly « Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t alone? » I asked

« Why are you being rude? We were together when you called and you wanted to meet her »

« You still should have informed me. I didn’t want to meet her feeling like utter shit »

One package of syringes and two box of pills left