My brother still took me home and I felt like he was both irritated and worried. I could feel him watching me from the review mirror.  They both stayed silent during the short ride to my home.

Once we arrived, I unbuckled my belt and apologized to Moana « I am sorry. He didn’t lie I wanted to meet you, I just have been feeling terrible for the last few days »

« No worries » She answered but I didn’t feel much sincerity, she obviously felt bad – who wouldn’t – and didn’t want to appear impolite.

I went home and to my bedroom immediately. I waited for my brother because I knew he would come to me.

« What is wrong? » He asked. And I am not sure if he was referring to my behavior and my sickness so I went for a vague answer

« I am sorry »

« She understands, we could see how bad you felt » He put his hands on each of my shoulders inspecting my face. He lingered on my eyes longer « So you’ve been feeling terrible for days? »

I tensed up and removed his arms « I said that to not make her feel bad ». I walked towards my desk to touch anything on it.

« I would still prefer you go to the hospital » He put his back to the desk

« I am alright »

« I don’t understand your repulsion towards the hospital. You never want to go » He complained,

« I went last month» I retorted

« To the dentist. I mean general doctor »

« Because I never feel sick enough, and I have you at home - a medicine student »

« You’ve been having these episodes for years » He added,

« Only like once a year » I minimized

« Still »

« Nash. You are making me tired. » I rubbed my forehead « I just need rest. You saw my  eyebags. I just need to sleep and do nothing. Let’s not argue. If I feel bad enough in a few days we’ll go. I wouldn’t let myself die » I joked, knowing full well I wouldn’t go but I needed him off my chest.

« Alright. Tell me if you need anything »

« Sleeping pills and wet gloves please. » 

He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it back immediately and went away.

I removed my pants and my sweatshirt, sat on my bed, and put the cover around myself.

When my brother came back, I gathered my strengths to add « You should invite Moana for dinner if that didn’t scare her. In a few days when I feel better and can show her I am not a jerk » 

I don't remember his answer. I dozed off.

Of the past. Of five years ago.

Waiting for our next class, each group had their own occupation : studying - as much as you can actually study in 15 minutes, eating, gossiping and complaining. Typical high schooler. I was a senior so I tried to focus at best - but the junior we were mixed with in this class were more distracted.

A few people did stay alone this day either to concentrate or relax. Hollis was one of them, he always was when he didn't get out of the room.

Nobody really paid attention to him, and he didn't seem to care. Maybe he was used to it.

As the break carried on longer than usual, some guy found a way to break his boredom. 

By launching staples at Hollis head.

He was discreet, and the bearings were silent but impactful. Hollis immediately noticed the punctures and removed one from his hair. 

He carried on his activities without giving much reaction to the situation. 

The guy, though, was relentless. 

I didn’t intervene, 

And I went back to my book. 

I woke up abruptly and a warm glove covered my left eye. 

It fleetly but overwhelmingly terrified me, 

I thought I had become blind from one eye.

Later, I injected myself with my last syringe, it should suffice until I had my stocks again.

Two box of pills left