“You can stay inside. I know it‘s cold.“

“No, it’s okay. It’s warmer than inside. And the moss is nice.” Kuo dug his toes into the soft ground and enjoyed the squishy feeling under his still-tender soles. He breathed in the fresh morning air and the scents of the tentative resurgence of the woods. There were a lot of tiny flowers and herbs he still didn’t know by name yet, and being inside the monastery all the time had made him restless. Especially in close quarters with Embry, all unbound and unsteady, always calling out for his spark.

Sometimes, he woke up bumping into the gate separating the Pages’ quarters from the chapter house, having sleepwalked to the barrier. And he knew he would have walked right into Embry’s room if it wasn’t for the magic trying to keep him out. Sooner or later, he’d figure out how to poach and recast Aro’s spell without alerting the old man.

“Fledglings! This way! Grab your buckets and get going,” Benji hollered and rapped his long stick against the buckets around him. He motioned to a basket with long sticks and a gimlet for Kuo to pick up.

“Take these. You have to pick the trees thicker than the distance between the tip of your thumb and your middle finger.”

He held up his hand, showing the diameter they were looking for.

“Use the gimlet to drill a hole no deeper than the thickness of your thumb. Then, stick the hollowed elder branch into the hole, and the kids place the small bucket in the notch on the elder branch.”

Kuo frowned. “That’s it?”

Benji laughed.

“That’s it. We’ll come back in the afternoon to collect the sap.”

Kuo looked at the buckets, the excited kids and Benji.

“Ok. And you want to… drink it?”

The Page grinned.

“Heck yeah, I want to drink it. It’s sweet and fresh, and the best about early spring. You’ll love it. I can’t fathom that you never had any.”

Kuo mused about the need for a winter season to have something like spring, but he didn’t want to talk about his old life, and although Benji never asked, the Spark knew that he was curious.

Kuo shrugged, picked up the tools and trudged quietly after Benji. They passed the Enforcers at the gate, and the Mages on the wall, and Kuo knew the ones on the southern side would keep an eye on the group. He already felt their magic reaching out, slithering along the group and tapping into the ground around them, keeping them safe without disturbing the carefree children. Surrounded by chirpy Fledglings, they entered the neighbouring birch grove beside the small extinguishing lake.

The monastery kept the area clean, and Kuo could see marks on an area of trees that, according to Benji, were not to be touched this year. Some birch trees had fallen victim to storms and were strewn about like oversized straws.

Compared to the rest of the thick forest, the grove was light and airy, and Kuo knew he’d sneak back and spend some hours enjoying the softest spots of moss come summer. He still wore the cloaking spell, and slipping away during his working hours with a napping Eva was easy.

He had finished his Page uniform three weeks ago, and although Kuo’s spark yearned for Embry, he wasn’t sure if he’d be allowed to ask for a bond. Aro had been quiet and shook his head whenever Kuo asked about the Mage. Because Berinn was still furious and made everybody pay for his failure, being away from the mess would soothe his spark for a while.

“You’re thinking about Embry, huh?”

Kuo’s head whipped around. He gaped at Benji, blushing angrily. “I… did not.”

Benji chuckled while checking a tree. “Yeah, yeah. You get all angry and frowny when you think about the Mage. Aro hasn’t said anything yet?”

Before Kuo could answer, a handful of kids dragged him off to a tree they deemed thick enough. Benji still eyed him curiously, so the Spark shook his head, which earned him a sad shrug. For a while, he had no time to ponder about the Mage as he was busy tapping birches.

***

“How do you feel?”

“Like shit. But if you ask about the magic, it’s okay. The healers help. Though it kinda renders me… unhelpful,” Embry answered lamely.

After two weeks, the healers had finally figured out how to keep his magic in check. Unfortunately, the simple solution was poisoning him daily. Just a little bit to keep the magic busy, but busy enough to feel the poisoning, and being unable to do anything about it, slowly wore him down. He woke up dreading the cup the healers would hand him, watching him like hawks until he swallowed every last drop and not letting him leave for an hour. He’d pace the healer’s main room every morning, praying for the poison to run its course and give him another day he could get away with unbound. He had to get another contract. But Aro wanted him to reconsider, and he just couldn’t.

“We don’t know how your magic will behave. After Berinn, I understand you need a stronger Spark, but how will it act when trying to bind the strongest one?”

“So… he’d be an option.”

They both knew who he was talking about. Aro had always known. The headmaster had watched him warily.

“You have to understand. He’s special.”

“I KNOW THAT.”

Embry had been tired. He knew Aro kept some knowledge about the Spark he’d chased and courted to himself, but the odd behaviour felt like being chastised like a kid and by gods, he was old enough not to be treated like a fucking Fledgling anymore.

“No. You really don’t. Your darkness… what if it interferes.”

“What if it doesn’t.”

Aro huffed. “What if it does? Embry. There are a lot of people here I have to think about.”

And Embry had almost given up because he knew there’d be no way to convince the old man to give up his precious Spark for somebody he deemed unstable and on the brink of blowing himself up.

“So kill me if it doesn’t work out. I will die anyway.”

So the Mage got poisoned and did tedious protection spells to bleed out the rest of his magic. And he felt lonely. Sometimes, at night, he sensed the Spark. It felt like he was there, just hovering at the very edges of Embry’s purview, close enough for his magic to get a lick at the spark but too far away to get ahold of him. Aik clapped his shoulder and gave it a companionable squeeze. “I know they’ll find a better solution. What about the Spark?”

“Aro said no.”

Aik frowned. “That’s unusual. Did he say why?”

Embry didn’t want to talk about why Mages from Ûwila were, in some ways, unique. How they were weeded out at a young age, and if your best friend didn’t come back from the chase of the hounds, you were not allowed to cry, but had to say, “he wasn’t strong enough for getting sight and would never be one of us.” And parents had nothing to bury except their grief over children lost to the night. Aro knew. Somehow, he knew. And that’s what scared him. Embry sighed. He felt nauseous. “No. He didn’t.”

The older Mage tsked. “Damn. Let’s check the water intake, and then we’re done.”

He dragged the younger Mage along the deep lake, and Embry let himself be led to the bridge without much protest. He wanted to lie down and wait for the day to be over. He’d lost weight, the belt becoming too wide and his pants holding on for dear life, but eating was a challenge when you felt like puking all day.

Just when he was about to ask for a break, just resting for some minutes to get his bearings, he felt it. Something flitting about at the fringe of his senses. Something smelling like thunder. Something he’d been searching for. Somebody.

“Embry?” Aik eyed him curiously.

“I… “ Embry gulped. Another kind of nausea hit. Fear of losing him again, for the Spark to slip away.

“He’s here.”

“Who?”

“The doe.”

Aik frowned. “Seriously? I know Benji and the kids are out in the grove collecting sap. You think he’s with them?”

Embry already started walking. He didn’t need to ask for directions. He didn’t know which grove Aik meant. He just knew where he was supposed to be. Not here, but closer to the Spark. Close enough to touch.

And never let go.

“Doesn’t it make sense? I always felt him in the hint part of the monastery. Always where the Pages are. Aro didn’t even deny it. What if he’s cloaked? And he was right there, all the time, just walking around, and I didn’t see him.”

He knew he sounded crazy, and maybe the poison was slowly messing with his head. It had to, but he didn’t care. Embry stepped into a clearing, and the sunlight temporarily blinded him. He could make out shapes and heard the laughter and excited chatter of the Fledglings and Benji. And the dull, muddled voice of somebody else. A throbbing heartbeat. And he tasted the spark.

He heard Aik behind him, the thudding of his step dampened by moss growing everything.

“Damn, Embry, you need to slow down,” the taller Mage huffed, and the chattering stopped, all heads turning to look at the Mages at the edge of the grove.

Embry heard a surprised gasp and knew it had to be the Spark, as neither Benji nor the kids moved their mouths.

“He’s here, right?”

Benji's eyes widened, and when one of the kids tried to speak, he immediately shushed them. The Page tried hard to appear inconspicuous, but his eyes darted to his right as if he was trying to look at somebody so hard it became too obvious. His mouth pressed into a thin line before he spoke.

“I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

A branch cracked, and Embry wanted to cry with relief. They were so bad at this. Thank gods. Or maybe the Spark finally gave up the chase and wanted to be found.

Aik tried to hold him back. He heard a “Wait!” and “Maybe you shouldn’t”, but all he cared for was the spark calling for him like a siren. He stumbled over branches and fallen trees, misstepped and nearly collapsed, but he was sure he’d be there if he looked hard enough.

“I know you’re here. I know you’re cloaked. Please. I need to know if I’m going crazy. I…” He looked around, desperately trying to catch a glimpse. His magic roared to life, burning through the poison as if it were nought.

***

Kuo knew hiding behind a birch was a foolish idea, and still, when he’d heard Embry’s voice, he’d slipped behind the tree and shooed the kids over to Benji. They were used to it. They’d been playing the “game” with Enforcers, Mages, and also Pages, and the kids were proud to keep their “Shpark” safe. They treated him like something the adults wouldn’t be able to take away, and he was always grateful for them to be so fiercely protective of him.

Still, when he had caught a glimpse of the Mage, he wished the Embry had never let go of him at Lenten. He looked terrible and thinner than the last time he’d seen him after the bond had broken.

“I would have never let this happen,” a little voice whispered.

“He’s looking for you. Why do you keep running away?” another voice murmured.

“Don’t let go. You want him as much as he wants you,” they told him.

He looked to his left and saw Embry’s handsome profile, which took his breath away momentarily. The fine grey hair glowed white in the sun, and the Mage’s cheeks were stained a delicate pink.

Kuo loved how the Mage strode around the monastery with a confident yet gentle air, but this version, tinged with fear and fragility, made his heart pound harder. He knew he got to see all the different versions of Embry at once, and he still wanted more. Was it possible to fall for somebody every day all over again? Aro had said no. But there’d never been a reason beyond “it could be dangerous”.

But wasn’t it always a gamble? And hadn’t he gambled and failed both Page and Mage when he’d matched Embry with Berinn when clearly this could never have lasted?

Not when there was him.

Kuo stepped out of the shadow of the birch.

The young man was beautiful. If he hadn’t already owned Embry’s magic and made his heart pound, it would have happened now in the blink of an eye. The sun-kissed skin and the brown doe eyes made him look like he didn’t belong here in the harsh, cold north. The peculiar haircut with the small tufts reminding him of cat ears should have looked ridiculous, but Embry just found it charming. His fingers wanted to sink deep into his thick hair and pull him close to kiss him senseless. Again.

Embry remembered to breathe, and the scent hitting his nostrils made his magic roar. Thunder. Such a strong smell of thunder. He saw little flashes of spark crackling over his hands, twitching nervously like the Spark wanted to touch, but he wasn’t sure if he was allowed.

“You’re not going crazy.” A hand reached out to him and-

Home.

Memories of his mother laughing, his father embracing him before he sent him off to the market, the scent of rain and grass crushing under his bare feet, warm sunlight, and the smell of the sea filling his nose. Flames, smoke and burnt flesh. Screams. Embry’s breath stuttered. He panicked. A hand squeezing his, magic calming down again and-

Kuo dragged him back from his headspace.

“Calm down. I got you.”

Words whispered so innocently, yet Embry wanted to cry in relief because he’d been so scared to lose this life just for being a Mage without a Spark and Aro denying him the only real shot he’d ever have.

The callused, warm fingertips spoke of needlework and promised peace to his mind and magic. They weren’t bonded. Not yet, but he felt like he was slowly drained of everything that made him itchy and restless, and he could taste the possibilities of this bond. The potential of the Spark. All the greatness.

“I propose a bond, Embry of Ûwila. Will you accept my proposal?”

“I don’t even know your name, Spark,” he cried openly. He didn’t care if he was a mess. He wanted to be his best version for this wonderful person, but he couldn’t be that yet. He’d try so hard in the future, though. By gods, he’d give his all.

“My name is Kuo.”

Embry laughed. “Of course, you have a strange name. Is that why you ran away?”

The Spark smiled.