I

It was already night by the time I headed up to our apartment. I slipped in stealthily, making as little noise as possible. 

“Maybe if I move quietly, she won’t see me…” I thought, just before she peeked around the wall by the entrance.

“Hi! You’re finally here!” 

Seeing her there, so relaxed in her house clothes with that long brown ponytail falling messily over her shoulder, I felt a stab of guilt.

“Ah… I was downstairs for a bit with Alan and Nate at Lotus Café.” 

“Come, sit with me,” she asked, taking a seat to continue polishing her police boots. 

“Um… something super crazy happened to me today.” 

“How crazy? Surprise me,” she said, laughing with a kindness that made me feel a bit ashamed of what I was about to tell. 

I took a deep breath and drained my entire day without anesthesia:

“I was reading and having a coffee, when this very elegant guy started arguing with another. He shouted that he was going to fire him; the one shouting was the director of a very important idol company and the other, younger one, was the manager of a group that didn’t have a candidate for a contest. And what I’m going to tell you, you won’t believe…” I explained as fast as my tongue would allow.

“Shouting like that is a disturbance of the peace,” Emily sentenced with professional annoyance. “I hope there weren’t many onlookers. It’s annoying to have to mobilize for people who aren’t ashamed to make a scene anywhere.”

“Well, guess what…” Here we go, I thought. “He chose me as his candidate.”

She let out a snort of incredulity and continued polishing the side of her boot. 

“I’m serious! Listen… I was sitting right there, very close. The Director was leaving and the manager told him I was his choice.” 

“You?”

“He offered to turn me into an idol, Emily! Can you imagine?” 

I know it wasn’t the most mature way to tell it, but that was the version of me that was born with her. Emily was my safe space, someone I could be myself with without boundaries; that repressed, childish version of me surfaced when she listened. She was the older sister I could always return to for comfort… until this day.

“Oh, boy—” Emily laughed and gave me a condescending pat on the head. “Be very careful with those fake representatives. I’ve seen hundreds of cases and ninety-nine percent end badly. Tell me later who he is so I can track him and see if he’s not just another criminal.”

Her comment discouraged me greatly, and I looked down.

“And how was your job interview at the radio station?”

Okay… I can do this, I thought with fear.

“I… I… fell asleep.”

The thunderous thud of her heavy boot against the table made me jump back. Emily stood up, red with rage, and reprimanded me in a voice I didn’t recognize.

“Mia! It can’t be! It was the only interview you had left! How could you stay asleep?!”

With every shout, I felt smaller, more disastrous. Her words, coming from the most important person to me, carried an enormous weight.

“You can’t keep being so irresponsible with yourself and everyone else! I’m always willing to help you, but you need to find a real job. We’re so close to the rent due date and I can’t keep paying your share forever! It’s not right!”

I short-circuited.

“And I appreciate it so much… Emily… the phone didn't… the alarm… I…” I began to hyperventilate. “I couldn’t wake up in time.”

She won’t understand, I thought while only broken stammers came out of my mouth. “Look, there’s still this proposal they gave me…”

Honestly, I didn’t want to take that job at the radio station and my subconscious knew it. If I accepted, I feared ending up under my mother’s control again… but Emily’s words were closing all the other doors too. She crossed her arms and looked at me as she never had before: with contempt.

“You’re not thinking about accepting that… are you?”

“No… I wasn’t thinking… but…”

“MIA! THIS MUST BE A SCAM!”

In our twenty years of friendship, it was the first time I saw that face on her; it was the same look of smugness with which everyone else judged me.

“Do you think a millionaire from a famous company is going to come and offer a contract to you?! To a nobody who doesn’t have those talents?! No! You are not going to accept that!”

I shrugged and began to back away.

“This is going to end up just like your grand idea for the pet daycare! Do you remember?!”

Why is she bringing that up now? I asked myself, losing my patience.

“It’s going to be another disaster that I’ll have to bail you out of!”

I counted to five. I didn’t make it to ten.

“You never let me explain… what happened with that…”

“Explain what?! That you didn’t have staff and the animals escaped?! That instead of fining you, I had to bring my whole team and activate a secret security ring that could have cost me my job?! Their owners could have sued you!”

This has spiraled out of control, I thought. I understood her concern, but at what point did she stop being my friend and become my mother? Maybe I should accept Tom’s proposal and solve everything. Put some distance between us and rebuild my life on my own. That would recover both of us and return us to the place where each belongs in the other's life.

“Emily! Enough!” I faced her. “I know you’re worried, but you’re talking just like my mother! Calm down! I appreciate everything you do for me, but that doesn’t give you the right to yell at me, forbid things, or hurt me. That’s enough.”

Emily went up the stairs toward her room. Without turning, she threw the punch that separated us.

“I’m not your mother, but now I understand her. I’m starting to think she wasn’t wrong about you. You can’t fend for yourself or do anything right on your own. Do what you want, I don’t care anymore.”

I remained static in the middle of the living room. My heart shattered and, with it, the unbreakable bond that no external adversity had managed to destroy; Emily had just done it all with a single phrase.

With the same intensity that I felt hurt, an uncontrollable rage sprouted. It wasn’t an explosive anger, but a cold flame inside my body that became my engine for making a definitive and forceful decision.

“I accept the deal,” I said out loud to the empty room, before going to sleep in my room for the last time.

II

I couldn’t sleep all night; voices from my past and present hammered at my head, pointing out every reason why I didn’t deserve to approach the agency. Today was different, because there was also the voice of my best friend judging every step I was about to take.

I tossed and turned in bed until the sun came up. I heard when Emily left for work while it was still dawn. I got ready, took a slow shower to try to evaporate the tension and, at 7:30 in the morning, I was in front of the Classic Divas Company building.

The skyscraper rose like a glass monolith that almost pierced the morning sky. Its glass walls reflected the sun, burning my eyes. Amidst all the light piercing my cornea, I spotted the main entrance. The freshly polished marble floor of the reception looked like a mirror; everything was a reminder that I was stepping into a dazzling and incandescent world. I didn’t know where to go. People walked back and forth; everyone looked very busy and serious. I was embarrassed to ask for Tom’s office.

“Should I do something more tangible?” I asked myself, doubting my decision.

“No,” I refused to change my mind. I was already here and, even if it seemed unreal, this was already tangible to me.

I was going to call him when I saw the receptionists at the back. I approached and, after a couple of questions, they kindly directed me to the elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, I wanted to see my reflection in a mirror or the metallic walls to touch up, but instead, I saw her. An advertisement for Red Muse Parfum covered the interior of the elevator, and the image of that woman stole my breath during the entire ride. She looked so alive I almost felt like I could touch her.

The woman in the image had a blue gaze that seemed to pierce through the glass, framed by impeccable makeup and deep red lips. Her hand held her face with a studied delicacy, while ruby earrings flashed under the ceiling lights. She was surrounded by red roses sprouting from her own dress, creating an atmosphere of luxury and seduction.

“She’s so beautiful…” I whispered to myself, stretching out my fingers to touch her face on the cold print.

The elevator doors opened and I straightened up with a start, feeling like I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I turned quickly; luckily, the hallway was deserted. I walked a bit disoriented, clutching the paper where they’d written the office number until the edges sank into my palm.

“It’s here,” I thought, motionless in front of the door. I just needed to work up the courage to knock.

Before my knuckles could graze the wood, the door burst open with a force that made me take a step back. The first thing my eyes caught was a hand with a golden manicure; it struck me that, despite its metallic and aggressive shine, the nails were strangely short.

The second thing I saw was her.

The woman blocking the door possessed an authoritarian elegance that didn’t seek to please, but to subdue. She wore a tight black suit with a gold link necklace highlighting her neckline. Her hair was black, very long and straight, topped with short bangs. Her face, with sharp features, observed me with a feline gaze that triggered the urge to run back where I came from.

The air became thick like water when she stopped right beside me. She turned her head slightly, just enough to give me a sidelong glance that scanned me from top to bottom with a malice she didn’t bother to hide. She brought her fingertips to her lips, letting out a short, unpleasant giggle that echoed in my ears like an insult.

“Insignificant,” she whispered in a sensual voice.

She bumped her shoulder against mine as she passed, making me stagger. I clenched my teeth until my jaw ached and looked down at the floor, struggling not to lose my temper, until a familiar voice broke the trance.

“Come in, come in, Mia!” I heard Tom say.

I looked up and saw him sitting at his desk, agitated, finishing adjusting his jacket to receive me with that printed smile. His enthusiasm sought to make me forget the humiliation I had just swallowed.

I spent half an hour discussing the terms of the contract with him. Everything looked in order and, surprisingly, advantageous for me. I’d have daily tutoring, special meals, a private room, and all the comforts that seemed impossible for someone in my situation. I didn’t find any fine print; I read it over and over, analyzing every clause with caution.

I signed.

As soon as I let go of the pen, Tom snatched the sheet away like a scavenger and immediately called someone to deliver it to the director.

“I’ll have them send a copy of the contract to your email,” he said, settling in with crossed legs on the foyer sofa of his office. “I’ll pick you up at the end of the afternoon. Pack the basics and dress comfortably; the residence is on the outskirts of the city, so we’ll arrive late at night.”

“What about my teammates?” I asked. They intrigued me, but I had refused to research them online. I didn’t want to arrive with any preconceived ideas; I preferred to discover them for myself.

“Everything is settled,” he replied smugly. “Just a few little details left and we’re ready.”

III

The afternoon slipped through my hands slowly but silently. I took my time putting everything in order and picking up the traces of my stay in Emily's apartment. We were still not speaking to each other in a tense campaign of awkwardness versus reproach, until she couldn't resist any longer and burst into my room without warning.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, watching me with her arms crossed from the doorframe.

"What you said," I replied, packing calmly. "Stopping being irresponsible with myself and everyone else."

"Don't you think you're being a bit of a brat? You're not even thinking about the consequences of all this."

"The only consequence is that I'm going to work and pay you back what I owe you. That's all."

At that moment, my phone vibrated. I had received several messages in a row from Tom.

Tom CDC: Have you packed yet? Bring only the essentials. 

Tom CDC: We’ll send for the rest later :). 

Tom CDC: We’re downstairs <3.

Knowing him a bit better now, I learned he was the type who needs to hit enter after every phrase instead of sending a single block of text. I pulled my rolling suitcase and my carry-on bag off the bed.

"I have to go," was all I said.

I walked toward the exit without looking back. We said nothing more; she remained silent and I didn't say goodbye. We still shared that bitter feeling in our stomachs that threatened never to leave.