Varian gazed into the murky lake. His reflection stared back at him. It was a blurry mass that faded in and out. The green-blue haze that fell upon the forest had traveled to the lake. His heart stuttered when he thought he saw something moving in the dark water. Footsteps came up behind him. He startled when two arms cinched around his neck.

“Boo!”

Kacey laughed as Varian jumped. His heart pounded, a stabbing in his chest that made him breathless. He frowned and pushed Kacey back. 

Still laughing, Kacey flopped to the ground beside Varian. The gravel road leading up to the lake was only wide enough for them to sit shoulder to shoulder. The tall grass on either side of the path made the space feel even smaller. 

Varian wouldn’t say he was claustrophobic. He just didn’t like the feeling of being trapped. 

Kacey waved his hand in front of Varian’s face. 

“What are you looking at?” If it wasn’t for the smile on Kacey’s face, Varian would have thought he was making fun of him.

But Varian knew Kacey’s humor. He and Padriac were always dancing on the lines of being funny and being down-right mean. Hazel didn’t like it when they took things too far. She didn’t like hanging out with his friends period. 

Varian shrugged.

He couldn’t convey what he felt in words. He felt empty. Like there was nothing there to begin with.

A silence fell over the two. It was strange only because Kacey was usually loud. Not as loud as Mary. But louder than Varian certainly. 

The water lapped against the the large rocks placed around the lake. Varian watched the tiny waves, content to just stay there. 

It had been Mary’s idea to come here. Camping. He’d never been camping. He didn’t think he’d even spent more than ten minutes in a forest and an even shorter amount of time by a lake. 

He shivered as a gust of cold wind blew into him. Goosebumps ran up his arms. He was glad he’d decided to wear a jacket. Summers were never actually warm here and he wasn’t going to start hoping for sunshine. At this point, he knew it was never going to happen.

The gravel crunched as another set of feet joined them. Varian looked up. It was Hazel. 

She was the prettiest girl Varian had ever laid eyes on. From her long brown hair, her dark brown eyes, and her sun-kissed skin, there wasn’t a single imperfection. She wore a thick jacket, a red flannel shirt, and jeans. 

Though she smiled more than Varian, she wasn’t smiling now. Her lips twisted in a grimace. It made her look as if she’d bitten into a sour apple. 

“Hey,” she said. Her eyes told him she wanted to say more. They flickered to where Kacey was sitting and then back to him.

He got the message. Loud and clear.

He stood, dusting off his pants. He’d been sitting there for a while. Mary and Padriac were out gathering wood for the pit. The rest of them were waiting for them to get back to start dinner.

Before that, though, they’d put up the tents. One for the girls and one for the boys. It hadn't been intentional, but they all agreed it would be weird if Mary shared with Kacey and Padriac.

Varian hadn’t helped much. He knew if he tried to do anything he’d end up breaking something. 

Hazel and him hadn’t been alone since the day before. He couldn’t think of anything that would warrant her to be upset.

As he walked away from the spot he’d been sitting at for almost an hour, he glanced behind him. 

Kacey was watching them leave. No longer smiling.

***

Hazel slipped her pointer fingers into the belt loops of Varian’s jeans. She pulled him toward her until they were flush together. His weight pushed her back against the trunk of the large tree they stood under. He grabbed her waist to steady himself.

He furrowed his brows. “Are you upset?”

She wouldn’t look at him. She kept twisting her fingers around the belt loops. She pulled on them so much he became worried she was going to pull them right off. 

“I just thought…I thought we would spend time together this weekend.” Her voice was small. It wasn’t like her at all.

Varian tilted his head to the side. His eyes slid past the tree and into the vibrant green forest. The shadows stretched far and wide. They crept closer as nightfall started to come upon them. It was only six, but as they came closer to the winter months, the days became short. 

“We are spending time together.”

She shook her head. “It’s not the same. Not when they’re here.”

“What do you want me to do, Hazel? I thought you wanted to do this. You and Mary were the ones that came up with the idea.”

She rolled her eyes. She gave a hard tug on his pants. “You really think I agreed to do this willingly? Or without Mary throwing a fit over it?”

He stumbled forward. He caught himself by grabbing onto the base of the tree. The bark bit into his palm. The pain anchored him as he thought about what Hazel was saying. And also because of how close they were becoming. It had been a while since they were this close. 

Her frown slowly disappeared. A smirk replaced it. It said she knew exactly what he was thinking and exactly how her body was affecting his.

She bit her bottom lip.

“Well…I guess we’re alone now.” She was shameless. She didn’t even look around to make sure they were alone.

Varian nervously licked his lips. “Oh?”

This was a game he was familiar with. The teasing always ended up with them in bed. Not that he was saying it was a bad thing. He just didn’t know how he felt about doing it in the middle of a forest with his friends close by.

Her smile widened into a sharp grin. Her hands moved from the waist of his jeans to his chest. Through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, he felt how cold her fingers were. They were like ice, even when she wasn’t touching him directly. 

She grabbed his shirt and swung him around so his back was to the tree. 

She slid to her knees.

His eyes widened. He grabbed her shoulder. “Hang on, Haz. We can’t—“

She grabbed his hips and yanked his crotch toward her. “Sorry. I can’t quite hear you from down here.”

She worked his zipper down and before he could utter another word, she pulled his already hard dick out. 

The frigid air wasn’t enough to kill the buzz thrumming through his body. He was on fire, sweating under the heat of her eyes and knowing what they were about to do was wrong on so many levels.

But it was the forbidden idea that turned him on even more. 

Hazel mouthed at the tip of his length. Her cherry lips slid over the crown. She took him down in one go.

His mouth parted. He panted as her cold hands slid over his naked ass. She pulled his hips forward until he was pushing at the back of her throat.

His hands moved to the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair. She moaned. He rocked his hips and began to thrust into her hot mouth.

He didn’t want to hurt her, but it was so hard to resist the temptation to fuck her throat. She was willing. They’d talked about this more than once, yet, there was always a thin line that kept him from giving in to that dark need.

As he lost himself in the pleasure, a shiver went up his spine that had nothing to do with Hazel’s adamant sucking. 

But he soon forgot about it as he came and Hazel swallowed the evidence of their depravity.

***

It wasn’t long after he and Hazel returned that the rest of their small group joined them. Mary and Padriac laughed and made jokes Varian could hear, but couldn’t make out.

If there was anyone in the world that made a perfect pair, it was Mary and Padriac. They were too alike, sometimes finishing each others sentences. Varian couldn’t recall a time when they disagreed or got into fights. If they did get into an argument, it was usually resolved by one of them making a joke.

Mary was what Varian would describe as a pixie. She had short black hair and dressed like she was a starring in a coming-of-age 90s movie. She even had a black choker she never took off. 

Padriac on the other hand, had wavy dirty blond hair, and green eyes. He was always wearing a hoodie and shorts. He mentioned at one time he didn’t like wearing pants because his legs were always hot. Varian didn’t understand it, but Padriac was a hard person to understand. He kept to himself most times.

And Kacey…Well. He was Kacey

A lot of people were surprised when they found out Varian was friends with all of them. To be honest, he was surprised himself. When he met Kacey he was sure Kacey hated him. 

He didn’t expect people to understand. Not even Hazel. She put up with his friends’ antics for so long he figured she’d gotten used to how weird they were.

Something had gotten to her. And he didn’t think it was just because Mary had convinced her to agree to go on this camping trip.

He would’ve told her he wouldn’t have gone if she asked. Though, that would’ve been a lie. He liked spending time with his friends. They hadn’t been doing a lot of it since he and Hazel started dating. He’d seen the way they all had become distant. He didn’t want their friendship to fall apart because he was dating someone.

And he didn’t want to break up with Hazel. It was too soon to say he loved her, but he felt they had something good going on. He didn’t want to ruin that.

Mary and Padriac tossed the twigs they’d gather into the circle of rocks Hazel and Varian had set up before. Kacey lounged in one of the fold-up chairs they’d brought with them.

He chewed on a piece of grass, eyes wandering to each of them. He always had this kind of calculating look on his face. Varian had been noticing it more and more these last couple of weeks. 

Kacey and him weren’t the closest out of the friends. In actuality, he was Padriac’s best friend, someone that just came with the package. That didn’t mean Varian disliked him. They got along.

Hazel had described it best before on one of the nights she snuck into his bedroom and slept in his bed. 

“He looks at you as if he’s watching for the moment you’re defenseless. Like he’s hunting an animal.”

Varian knew when she said “you” she meant anyone Kacey looked at. He still stiffened as if she knew Kacey was studying him.

Kacey was odd. It wasn’t anything more than that. Peculiar. And that was fine.

“Fuck. Finally. I was freezing my ass off,” Hazel said while sitting down in her pink chair. She pulled up as close as she could, still out of range if the fire got too hot.

Mary crouched in front of the makeshift pit. She doused it with fire starter and then threw in a match. The flames caught a lot quicker than Varian was expecting.

Without thinking, he grabbed Mary’s arms and yanked her away. She crashed into his chest.

He let go of her as if she’d burned him. “Sorry.”

His brows furrowed. 

She gave a little shrug. “I probably should have thought that one through. Thanks for saving my eyebrows.”

She gave him a wink.

Varian smiled, but it dropped when he saw Hazel watching them from the background.

“Sure. No problem.” He shoved his hands into his pant-pockets. 

He didn’t look at Hazel as he sat beside her. She didn’t look at him either.

He could feel the rift between them getting bigger. He didn’t want that to happen. But he didn’t know what to do to make her happy anymore. In the beginning, it had been so easy to get lost in one another. That was when he started ignoring his friends. He never seemed to get the combination right. 

The fire chased out only some of the cold. The sun was setting. It wasn’t a brilliant red and pink hue like he saw in the movies. It was a grayish mixture of green and blue. He watched it disappear behind the trees. The loneliness he felt was more prominent. 

Even when surrounded by people who loved him, he felt like he was missing something. Or that they didn’t connect with him on the level he wanted them to.

It was irrational. It was stupid of him. He had seemingly everything and yet he had the audacity to think he needed more. He craved it so much it scared him. 

He feared he wouldn’t be happy until he got what he wanted. And he didn’t know what he wanted. It was something he couldn’t describe or picture. It was just a feeling in his chest.

Darkness fell upon the group.

Hazel and Mary looked at photos they’d taken before the trip together. Padriac and Kacey were arm wrestling. 

It seemed perfect. It should have been perfect.

But Varian knew it wasn’t.

***

It began to rain halfway through cooking dinner.

Varian was roasting a hot-dog on a stick when the first droplets hit his cheek. He tilted his head toward the night sky. There were only large gray clouds. Nothing else. The downpour was a minute later.

Mary let out a shriek. “Why does it have to rain right now?”

She ran toward the first tent. 

“Come on, Mary! Are you really scared of a little rain?” Kacey chased after her. Mary shrieked again as he pounced on her. They both slammed into the tent and fell onto the sleeping bags. 

Padriac held up his windbreaker as he made his way to where Mary and Kacey were. 

Varian stayed where he was. He let the rain melt his clothes into his skin. It was freezing. His teeth began to chatter, but he was rooted to this spot. 

The feeling in his fingers were gone. The fire was no more. It was ash, mud, and smoke. He smelled the burnt wood. It filled his lungs, coating every inch of them. He kept breathing it in. 

“Varian?”

He dropped the now ruined hot-dog into the ash mixed mud. He turned around where he’d been sitting in front of the fire.

Hazel watched him from the other tent. Her brows furrowed in worry.

He cleared his throat and stood. He kept his head down as he made his way to the tent. She didn’t ask as he went inside. She just made room for him. Once they were sitting, she zipped them in.

The warmth from the small battery operated heater was enough to make the chattering stop. The coldness in his fingers and toes lessened, but the coldness in his bones and at the center of his chest was still there. 

“You’re soaking wet,” she murmured. 

He looked down at himself. She was right. He already knew that. Yet, when she pointed it out, it seemed to make the reality of it more true.

He slipped his jacket off. It was a slopping mess. He threw it to the end of the tent. His shirt had become a second skin.

Hazel pulled on the bottom of his shirt. She helped him take it off and threw it with his jacket. It made a slopping sound as it landed in a pile. 

She kneeled over his lap. Shirtless and wet. She straddled his hips.