“We should all go to the party together! It would be so much fun!”

Varian flicked the stray pea off his tray. It landed in the center of the lunch table he and his friends were sitting at. 

In the first hour he came back, he’d been stared at, whispered about, and asked about what happened so many times, he was about to burst and tell everyone to fuck off. He should have done that. It would make his life somewhat easier.

But he didn’t have the confidence. He just knew if he did just that it would make the staring and gawking worse. They would hate him. Not for a good reason, but they would stop feeling sorry about him and just hate him.

His friends—Padriac, Kacey, and Mary—hadn’t asked about why he’d been gone for so long. They knew. After he came back, his mom had told him some of the details. His friends were there when he’d gone missing. The vague memories he had about the camping trip were real. It was just that he’d taken a hard fall—a concussion—that he was missing the most important parts about his kidnapping.

He still couldn’t recall what he’d been doing right before he was taken. He didn’t remember ever getting hurt. No one had any information that was helpful in getting his memories back. 

He was fine with that. He’d been asked about it enough. This was a space for him to breathe. It hadn’t exactly cleared his head, but he hoped it would be enough to stop the nightmares. They were slowing now in the last week before he had to come to school. But they were still popping up every so often.

He didn’t know if there would ever come a time when he wouldn’t get them.

“That’s cool,” Kacey said before he took a drink of his coke. 

He was sitting by Mary. She was the one that wanted to go to the party one of her other friends was throwing next weekend. In such a small town, there were never any good parties to go to, but once in a while there would be a big function everyone would go to.

Mary just so happened to be in connection with the popular crowd. It might have something to do with her big, loud, and outgoing personality or that her cousin was a rich cheerleader who had her hand in everyone’s pocket.

“Are we bringing dates?” Kacey asked as he leaned over to take some of Mary’s fries. He popped them into his mouth before she could say a word.

“What the hell? Those are mine!” She giggled, swatting his shoulder. She bit her lip as he gave her a dark look.

“Did you just hit me?”

He tackled her, wrapping his arms around her waist. She yelped as they almost fell out of their chairs. She laughed uncontrollably and covered her mouth with her hand, pushing him away from her.

“Stop! Stop! I’m going to pee my pants!”

Kacey didn’t let up. He snuggled his face into the crook of her neck. He’d stopped tickling her and was now just holding her like she was a teddy bear. 

Padriac, who sat beside Kacey, watched them with an intense look. He took one of his own fries and slid it into his mouth, never looking away from the two.

“What about you, Varian? Are you bringing Hazel to the party?” Padriac asked.

He looked away when Kacey threatened to lick Mary’s hand. 

It was an innocent, but seemingly inappropriate question. He’d only just gone back to school. His parents were both supportive and weren’t pressuring him to go back. It was him that wanted to go. He wanted to try and be normal again. He hoped being around other people, being around his friends, would make him feel like nothing had changed.

Even though it had.

The matter was that he was figuring out how to function normally again. He hadn’t even spoken to Hazel once since the time he’d returned. It made him upset, but he wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t know how to approach him. He didn’t want to face her in the state he was in.

Maybe that made him a coward. He was running once again from the problem. Not talking to her was only going to cause a bigger rift between them.

“Hazel’s been acting really weird lately, hasn’t she?” Mary asked. Her face settled into a serious look.

Kacey was picking at his food. His once playful face he’d worn when he was messing with Mary was gone.

The loud group eased into silence. 

This never happened before. Not a lot anyway. He liked it when his friends talked and talked. Even before what happened to him occurred, he was fine to just listen to them joke and talk. It was nice to not have to force himself to say something when he didn’t have anything to say.

That’s why he liked being around them. They made him feel like he wasn’t such an invalid.

Kacey broke the silence by flicking Mary on the arm. 

“Ow! Dickhead!” She punched him in the arm. He laughed and they started fighting like it always seemed like they were doing.

Padriac gave a breathless laugh. Varian couldn’t help it when a small smile broke over his face. He wasn’t exactly watching his friends. His eyes glazed over and in his field of focus he saw the man from his nightmares in his white mask, his green eyes piercing through him. He was standing in the middle of the cafeteria.

Varian’s heart plummeted. He couldn’t breathe. It was like the man had his hands around Varian’s throat. 

No one else could see him. The stark white room turned green and blue. Varian’s eyes crossed. What he was seeing wasn’t real. It was all in his head.

Those blue eyes looked so familiar to him. He’d seen them before—before he was taken. But he couldn’t put his finger on where he’d seen them before. How could be forget eyes like those? He knew he would never forget them again.

And they would never let him escape. 

He closed his eyes. 

“Varian?”

He opened his eyes again. He jerked away from the touch.

It felt like his bones were rattling inside of him. At the same time, he felt like a husk. He felt like he’d been sucked dry of everything that made him him. There was nothing left of him except the nightmares and the green eyes that wouldn’t leave him alone.

He glanced over. Padriac was looking at him like all the others had. He was worried about Varian. He wanted to help. Varian didn’t want help. He just wanted to be left alone.

“Sorry.” He crossed his arms. He wished he’d brought a jacket. The white shirt wasn’t enough. He needed to be engulfed in something. Maybe he would feel better if he felt like he was on the verge of disappearing.

“Is something wrong?” Padriac wasn’t speaking like he usually did. His voice was barely above a whisper.

Kacey and Mary were off in their own world. They hadn’t noticed Varian slipping out of his own orbit and that he was slipping away entirely.

He looked down at the table.

“No,” he said. He heard the crack in his voice. He hunched over and continued to pick at the school lunch. “Everything’s…”

He looked once more where he swore he’d seen the man.

Again, there was nothing. He’d imagined it.

With a deep breath, he mustered all the strength in him he had and smiled at Padriac.

“Everything’s fine.”

But, of course, it wasn’t.