I know, it sounds like something straight out of a coach’s speech, but I can’t find another way to explain why I woke up with David sleeping so close to me.

    The moment I heard him like that on the sofa, I have no idea what came over me to make an invitation like that. Worse still was seeing him accept it.

   I was already prepared to hear him say no and ask me to call reception for a blanket. I didn’t have any ulterior motives when I made the offer. And yet, as I listened to the sound of his breathing, like a whisper in the dark, all I could think about were the countless times I’d imagined what it would be like to spend a night beside David.

   There were so many nights when I went to bed thinking about him, trying to picture what he might be doing while I was falling asleep. I swear on Gilberto, there were times I could picture him so vividly that I would’ve bet he was actually there, having tea and watching the rain on nights when I couldn’t sleep because something felt like it was piercing through my chest.

   It didn’t make sense.

   It never did.

   No matter how much I imagined what it would be like to be someone close enough to know the sound of his breathing, to know his scent, to understand what it felt like to have him near enough to hear his heartbeat… having that possibility so close now was terrifying.

   Coaches say everything begins in the mind, but I’d never had such real proof as feeling David’s presence so close to me. That was the only explanation for what had happened — either that, or I’d have to fool myself into believing that somehow fate had worked things out to make it happen.

   I wish I could tell you that during the night he moved a lot and I woke up with David holding me, but that didn’t happen. When I woke up, he was turned the other way, still asleep. It was just a few minutes before nine, even though it felt like it couldn’t be past six. Against my body’s will, I got up carefully so I wouldn’t wake him.

   Was that really me?

   I locked myself in the bathroom and went straight to the mirror. Staring at my reflection, I tried to believe that I’d actually spent a night in the same bed as David. There were no signs of some kind of breakdown. I took a deep breath, trying to accept the calm that covered any sense that something about this was wrong.

   Being submerged in hot water was one of my favourite feelings. I felt completely relaxed, my mind going quiet while my muscles loosened. It was enough to disconnect me from any meltdown I was supposedly having… from not having a meltdown at all. Did that even make sense?

   I don’t think so.

   Gilberto was still floating in the water when I stepped out of the bath and put on my robe. I dried my hair with a towel, then went back to the mirror. Once I was done, I cracked the bathroom door open and glanced at the bed. David still seemed asleep, turned the other way. I went straight to the wardrobe, grabbed my clothes, and returned to the bathroom to get dressed.

   I didn’t take long. When I came out again, David was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to me, staring at the carpet between the bed and the wall.

   I took a deep breath, noticing how lost he looked.

   "Mornin" I said casually.  "Is something wrong?"

   "Morning" his voice was still sleepy. He stayed quiet for a few seconds. "What time is it?"

   "I think it’s around ten."

   I walked over to the bedside drawer and grabbed a pair of socks. David stretched his arms above his head, shaking off the morning sluggishness.

   "Ah, I wanted to sleep more" he admitted with a soft laugh as he fell back onto the bed, arms spread.

   He looked funny, with a crease mark on his slightly flushed cheek. A strand of hair nearly covered his right eye, making him look even more interesting than I’d imagined he would first thing in the morning.

  "I don’t even know how to thank you for letting me sleep here" he said. "Seriously, you literally saved my night, Pedro."

   "No need to thank me. I just did what any fan would do for their idol" I joked.

   His lips flattened into a line, his eyes narrowing suspiciously before he sat up again.

   "Just to be clear, that was a joke."

   He turned away, holding back a laugh.

   "I got it. I’m not that slow."

   "Says the guy who got locked out of his own room."

   He raised his eyebrows, pouting slightly.

   "This is why you can’t trust fans. They humiliate you at the first opportunity."

   I laughed, genuinely—and so did he.

  "Seriously though, don’t worry, alright? If you ever need help—unless it’s money, because I don’t have any—you can count on me."

  "Damn, I was just about to ask you for a loan."

   "Sorry, you only subscribed to the accommodation plan, not the loan package."

   "Next time I’ll remember to add loans to my list of demands" he said, standing up. "Can I use the bathroom?"

  "That’ll be a hundred reais."

   "A hundred? Just to pee and wash my face? My God, this hotel is absurdly expensive" he said, walking into the bathroom. "Imagine if I took a shower. Would the hot water be charged per litre or per minute?"

   His voice became muffled as he shut the door. As I started putting on my socks, he opened it again.

   "Just to confirm, that was a joke, right?"

    I held back a laugh.

   "It was."

   When he closed the door again, I finally allowed myself to smile for real. Even if I wasn’t having a breakdown, my heart was beating like a full samba drumline.

   David didn’t take long. By the time he came out, I’d already put on my trainers and fixed my hair a bit. My phone buzzed with a string of notifications. When I checked the screen, I saw messages from Aly and opened them right away:

   

   Aly:

   Pedro!!!

   Are you awake?

   Can you help me check the hotel cameras?

   David disappeared.

   Out of all days to disappear, that idiot chose today!!!

   Ah!!!!!

   Please help me!

    A small spark of hope made me think we’d leave the room and head straight to breakfast. Apparently, that wasn’t going to happen.

   "I think you should go" I said as David walked over to the sofa to grab his phone.

   He laughed at the screen.

   "Twelve missed calls and dozens of messages. She ditches me, then worries when I disappear… I think, deep down, Aly loves me."

    He typed something—probably replying to her.

    "I’d better go. Looks like I’m in trouble" he said.

   Watching him pick up his charger and slip his phone into his pocket felt strange. There was nothing I could do but stand there. Deep down, I really wanted to spend that morning with him again. But he wasn’t just anyone I could keep around whenever I wanted.

    A brief exchange of glances was enough to see he wasn’t exactly thrilled about what he had to do either. He had his life, his work—and I had no right to ask him to ignore any of it just because I wanted his company for breakfast.

   I stepped closer and offered my hand.

   "you need anything, just call me" I said, trying not to show how disappointed I felt—maybe even more than he did.

    His handshake felt like a warm embrace. Even without feeling his chest against mine, the warmth of his palm was enough. 

   "See you. And thanks for the help.

[...]

   Gih’s place was less than a thirty-minute walk from the hotel.

   I usually took an Uber, but that day I needed to walk. I needed to clear my head—more than just a casual stroll. Listening to the playlist I normally used for reading brought me back to a time when life didn’t feel so heavy.

   It’s not like I was an adult drowning in debt, forced to work all day just to survive. But being young and not knowing what to do with my life… that scared me. It made me afraid of making the wrong choices and chasing a future that wasn’t meant for me.

   My dream of becoming a writer who inspires people… maybe that life wasn’t mine to live. Maybe creating stories was just a delusion—something that should stay in my head, never written, never shared.

   Maybe my biggest dream was nothing more than a lie I told myself…

   I’d always wanted to tell the story of a boy who falls in love with someone he meets in his dreams—and then, suddenly, that person appears in his life and changes everything that once felt directionless.

   But what if those “new directions” were just my ego pulling me towards paths that fed it?

   What if my dreams weren’t really mine, but just an escape from a far less interesting reality?

   There were so many doubts about how my life would unfold… and David’s presence only made everything more complicated. I didn’t want to fool myself into thinking I had even the slightest chance with him—but I wanted something with him so badly.

   I couldn’t tell if it was my soul asking for it… or just the fan in me confusing everything.

   There was a chance this was just a fleeting experience. But there was also a small part of me—the part I wanted to believe—that whispered this could turn into everything I’d dreamed of.

   I knew it wouldn’t be perfect. But just living the experience of following my dreams… that alone would be enough.

   When I realised it, I was already standing in front of Giovanna’s building.

   She came down to get me almost immediately. Even though the doorman knew me, I hated going up alone, so I made Gih come down again.

   When we got upstairs, Aunt Karla was watching a series. Apparently, she was still watching the one Uncle 

   Pedro had forced her to start.

   "Hi, Auntie" I said, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

   "Don’t think Giovanna’s going anywhere" was the first thing she said.

   I sat beside her, grabbing some of the ham-flavoured crisps she was eating.

   "Come on, let her go. It wasn’t her fault—I messed up and locked her in the room."

   "hat did you do?" she asked, curious.

   Gih hadn’t told her anything. Between Aunt Karla’s curiosity and Gih’s death stare, I didn’t have much choice.

   "I… drank" I admitted. She waited for more. "I got drunk, made everyone leave early, and when we got back, I locked Gih and David in the room. So Gih had to sleep with me, and David stayed on the sofa… I think."

   "You’re still at the hotel?" she asked. "And who’s David?"

   Giovanna sat down next to her.

   "Remember that series Pedro made us watch?" she said. "David is the actor who plays Dylan. The one you called—"

   "The cute one?" Aunt Karla’s eyes widened. "Oh, my God, Pedro. When you said you were going to meet him, I didn’t think you meant going to a party together. I didn’t even think you’d get close to him."

   Giovanna burst out laughing.

   "You don’t know the half of it, mum. Pedro fainted at the restaurant when he saw David."

   "That’s not what happened—I just felt sick" I tried to defend myself.

   "Sure. Felt sick at the restaurant and ended up with a free pass to sleep with David."

    I really shouldn’t have told Giovanna anything.

   

   "You did what?" Aunt Karla leaned forward, nearly spilling the crisps. "What happened between you two?"

   There it was—the opportunity I’d been waiting for.

    She already knew about my bisexuality. In fact, she was one of the first people I talked to after I left the hospital. And she loved gossip.

   "I’ll tell you if you let Gih off punishment" I said, hoping she’d take the bait.

   "Done. Now tell me."

   "Nothing happened" I said simply, laughing at her disbelief. "He just got locked out and asked to sleep on the sofa."

   "And nothing else? Not even a hug?" she asked. "Not that you had to… I don’t even know if he likes boys. Does he?"

   "No idea" I admitted.

   Giovanna grabbed the crisps.

   "It wouldn’t matter anyway" she said. "He might just want Pedro’s friendship."

   "Stop being such a mood killer" Her mum snapped, tossing a cushion at her. "Just because you’re bitter doesn’t mean you have to ruin their romance."

    They were both right.

    I’d built a thousand fanfics in my head without once stopping to think about how David felt.

There was nothing about him that clearly gave away his sexuality. I could ask—but wouldn’t that be invasive? He’d said in interviews how uncomfortable he felt with people speculating about it. I didn’t want to be just another annoying fan.

   The entire LoveHeart cast shared their characters’ sexualities. Phill was bisexual, Aly was a trans woman and also bisexual… but David was impossible to read. And to make things worse, he had chemistry with everything—even a wall—which made it even harder to tell if he genuinely liked men or if it was just part of being a good actor.