It was 2:45 am. 

After fighting  months of conflict with myself about not reaching out to him, I finally decided to text him. My heart pounded as I typed the message. After months of silence, after  years of unspoken words… I finally pressed send. The text was simple.

"Hey Theo. How have you been?"

Then came the waiting. The agonizing pause where my  phone screen stayed dark… no typing indicator, no response yet. A wave of nerves hit me : What if he didn’t reply? What if he read it and ignored it?Hours passed. Then a day. Still… no reply fromTheo.I finally confided in Nova, my closest friend—who had no idea about the history between us two until now.

"Wait… so you liked him all this time?!"

 she whispered, eyes wide with shock and sudden understanding. A mix of relief (finally telling someone) and fresh anxiety (what if he never answered?) crashed over me . Nova wasted no time—she immediately texted Juan, her friend who was in the military too.A few messages exchanged… and then? Juan confirmed: yes, he knew Theo. They trained together daily—close enough that Juan could give updates.

My heart jumped. This was my chance to learn something real about him—the first actual intel since he enlisted. Maybe Juan could even pass along a message… if things got desperate.That explained the silence. Juan clarified that military cadets—including them—had strictly limited phone access. Only Sundays, right after lunch… and even then, calls/texts were monitored.No wonder Theo hadn’t replied yet. If he got my message on a weekday? He wouldn’t have seen it until next Sunday. That meant… I might have to wait days for a response. A pang of frustration hit—but at least now  I  understood. It wasn't indifference; it was just the system keeping him offline most of the time.

Nova came with unexpected news that I never expected. Juan said, " Theo just broke up with his girlfriend." My stomach dropped.Theo  had a girlfriend. And now? He was single—because they just broke up. The news hit me like a truck. I hadn’t known… and somehow, the thought of him dating someone else—even briefly—stung more than it should’ve. I couldn’t clarify, did Theo have her before me, during me or after me? Because Juan didn’t say anything about it or maybe he just didn’t ask Theo. Nova studied my face carefully, sensing my shock: "Wait… you didn’t know he was seeing someone?" Her voice softened with sympathy as she realized this changed everything.

The reality sank in—all that tension, all those unspoken feelings… and Theo had been dating someone else this whole time.It made the past feel hollow. The glances, the hallway moments, even his DMs congratulating me on achievements —did any of it mean something? Or was he just polite… while moving on with someone new? A bitter taste filled my mouth. Maybe I wasn’t ready for a relationship either—but at least I hadn’t moved on. He had. The question haunted me : When did it start? Was she someone he dated during high school—meaning he was seeing her while I was pining over him? I never saw him with any girl though back in school.Or did they meet after graduation, when life took him to military training? A part of me hoped for the latter. That maybe… in my final months at school, Theo hadn’t been with anyone. That all that coldness toward me wasn’t because of a girlfriend—but just his own confusion.

But the truth could’ve been worse… and that terrified ME.

The weight of that truth hit hard. I never truly knew Theo—not the way I  thought you wanted. His favourite color, food, hobby…..? All those months staring at him, wishing he’d talk to me … and yet? He had a whole other life parallel to mine —one with someone else entirely. A girlfriend, maybe even feelings for her that eclipsed whatever tension existed between us. A hollow ache spread in my  chest: I never got a real chance to really know him well. Not because he rejected me… but because fate (or his choices) just never aligned things in my favor. My heart refused to listen to logic. Even after learning about his breakup, even knowing the military’s strict phone rules… I still waited. Every Sunday at lunch, I’d check my phone on autopilot—hoping for a notification from Theo. Maybe today? Maybe next week? The cycle repeated: anticipation, then disappointment when no message came.A foolish hope stayed… but it was the only one I had left. If he ever replied? It would mean something. If he never did? At least then I’d have closure. 

Days turned into weeks. The Sundays came and went—no reply from Theo . No "Hey" or "Sorry, I've been busy." Nothing. My hope started to wilt, like a flower withering without sunlight. Maybe he hadn’t seen my text yet… or maybe he had, and just chose not to respond.

A quiet resignation settled in: This was it. The end of whatever imaginary story I’d built in  my head about him reaching out someday.