[Warning: Cringey Content, Fantasies of Kidnapping force-feeding, Tongue down throat]

(Previously: I stand up straighter. The revelation that all of my eggs are in hosts is amazing. )

I have to leave the room to compose myself. Then instincts I’ve never gotten to feel before kick in. I need to provide for my hosts. I return to the doctor quickly hovering over him infuriatingly. 

He sighs looking up, “Is the clinginess just you being grateful or-”

I crouch, lowering my head, “I am incredibly grateful.”

“Yes, well I’m doing this for research so it’s fine.”

“Even so…if you need anything let me know.” I observe how incredibly skinny his waist is compared to the guards, “Are you hungry? Thirsty?” 

He perks up a bit and I shiver my wings eager to obey his requests.

“Actually you could,” He pauses for a moment, “You could eat and drink something so you don’t pass out on me. When I do need something. Oh and take a nap, I’m feeling particularly like in a few hours that I’ll need you to be on your toes.”

I tilt my head a bit unsure, “Alright if you say so.” I note that he does find pleasure in watching me eat and drink. The second water touches my parched mouth I chug it eagerly. He looks a little smug or amused but I continue to obey laying down the opposite way so I can keep an eye on him. I fall asleep soon after.

“Do you want a blanket?” I stretch and appear beside him, causing him to blink up at me. I’m observing his labcoat, at least he has an extra layer. I touch his cheek with the back of my hand.“I need you to tell me the second you feel cold so we can warm you up.”

He seems annoyed but writes a note, “I’m guessing keeping my body temp up for the eggs?”

“Your species is on the lower end.” I shrug apologetically. “But you can handle a very large range of temperatures.”

“So stay hot, got it.” He gets up and changes into a long sleeve shirt under his labcoat. I make a face unsure of how much of a difference that would make. “These are thermals.” He explains “Here,” he takes his temperature and shows me. I relax when it’s around 38 celsius. “Oh that’s a bit high.” He touches his forehead, “But I don’t feel too hot.” 

“Might be a symptom of being a host.” I crouch and sniff him with my antennae, “You’re not sick.” 

He pauses as I’m holding onto the arm rests essentially trapping him in the chair. 

I don’t understand why he would be uncomfortable even if I’m towering over him. My presence should be comforting. I pull away slowly to not further exacerbate the situation. 

I hold my good arm leaning back against his desk and turning away to look at the room. “I want to see the other hosts.” I whimper the urge to take care of them is overwhelming.

“I’ll reach out to them but I can probably tell you now, the two girls won’t want you around.” I lower my head. Will you remind them to keep each other warm and eat nutrient rich foods.”

He nods. “I’ll reach out to the male and see if he doesn’t mind you fulfilling your instincts.”  

“Speaking of instincts.” I glance at him again, “Where can I get you food from?”

He looks straight ahead and lets out a sigh rubbing his face, “I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.”

I pace and whine as a week passes and none of the hosts are giving me an easy time even the doctor isn't eating near enough. He is beside himself as I’m dragged back from the cafeteria I was caught sneaking into again. He barely looks up and holds out his hand to which I hurriedly give him the most nutrient and vitamin rich food item I found. 

He looks at it and makes a face, “Are you trying to make me sick?” I go to take it back ashamed but he snatches his hand away and shoves it into his mouth saying, “Food’s blurg food.” He swallows and pretends not to heave. “Anyway.” He gets back to work. I wait until I know it’s time to close for the day and then, checking that the cost is clear, help him shut down for the night. 

The night clinic right next door turns on its lights, the nocturnal alien that works there waking up. I pause watching them from the open door. Weirdly flowing fin or hair catching and reflecting light. They pause and look over. I flinch a bit but they wave. I hurriedly return the polite gesture then duck back in and lock up. 

Turning off the main light and some signs I rush to curl around him in his chair. He asked me why when I first asked too. 

“I want to keep you safe.” I start and see that he’s about to argue, “I, I also want to listen to them, make sure they’re okay.”

He never stopped me from curling around him after that. Only requiring that it be after work hours. He continues working on reports and responding to the last few emails like there's not a giant insect alien curled around him, its face pressed against his leg, antennae bobbing and occasionally touching his stomach.

I’m aware I’m annoying. He occasionally makes an expression or sighs, especially when he has to use the bathroom. Another symptom of the eggs growing inside of him. Bowel movements are smaller and much more common. I follow him a little bit and hover protectively outside the door.

He finishes up washing his hands and then grabs one of the mushy fruit packs that he likes so much. I watch with barely contained disapproval as he drinks the barley solids with some fiber and mostly sugars. Then he offers me some, raising an eyebrow with a different kind of smile. Not enough to be smug? But like he knows I’ll like it… I lean down and eat directly from it. Alright it does taste good, very sweet. 

He looks back so I can see his self satisfied expression. Okay now he’s smug. Walking away in his robe and slippers. The lights in the clinic are dimmed and he goes around powering off equipment and making sure the door is locked. 

I follow him to his room which I sit outside to guard throughout the night. He pauses as he sees me get comfortable, mouth in that amusing slightly opening and closing way when he wants to say something. 

“Use one of the beds.” 

I always declined. Too afraid of someone sneaking past me and getting to him. Something about him being the only host I’m able to be around convinced my body these were my last 6 and I couldn’t risk anything happening to them.

“Just…”he lets out a long, suffering sigh, “come in.” He opens the door wider and moves to make room. My eyes widen. I look into his personal room. It’s small and smells like him. 

I agree confusedly. When he closes the door. I settle on the other side of itr. I feel incredibly relaxed, “You’re right it does feel safer.” I sigh. He pauses as acknowledgement and then removes his robe so he’s only in his boxers and climbs into bed. 

I’m exhausted from my self appointed night shifts and soon the warmth of the room and the soft snores cause me to drift off. I wake every few hours looking around and smelling for danger before nodding off again. To my surprise I wake to find him in front of me.

“Sorry,” I move, “Am I in the way?”

He leaves and I hurriedly get up and relax when I see he’s just thirsty and using the bathroom. I watch eyes flicking around the dark medical lab nervously.

The doctor seems to be thinking and then when he returns takes my hand silently pulling me after him. 

“Wait!” I close and lock the bedroom door and follow him. I look down confused but eager to please as he sits slowly on the bed, head down. 

“Is something wrong?” I start to worry heavily. ‘Is he going to tell me I need my own room again?’ I feel my heart pounding. 

“Is one of the symptoms of being a host to be incredibly…” He trails off, then monotone finishes, “Horny?”

I crouch and notice the little shiver when I touch his leg. He moves it a bit. 

“I don’t think so, that could mess with the eggs lodging.” 

He flushes a little, nodding and looking away. “I was hoping you would know how to make it go away.” 

“I supposed you could try to take care of your needs.” I watch his expressions closely, moving my hand from his leg.

“For three more weeks?!”

“Then… I can take care of you.” I can see instantly that was the wrong response. I flinch and grovel a bit, refusing to look up as I whimper, “I mean I did this to you so whatever you want or need I’ll give you, okay?”

“Get out.” He grits. I fear how pissed he looks and move quickly. Positioning myself outside the door again.

I thought about it all night. Deciding I need to give him more space, I’ve known I needed to for a while. It’s difficult but I resolve to leave him alone all day. Instead of trying to touch or even talk I silently work in the lab remaining professional even when people aren’t here. He notices but I can see the relief on his face and feel anxiety skyrocket that I’ve been stressing out my host. 

Everything affecting him affects my eggs. I bite my tongue whenever he doesn’t finish his food and purposefully look away when he consumes far too much caffeine. By day two I’m suffering hard at the lack of touch and the doc’s loss of nutrients. I take a few breaths to compose myself. 

“Doctor.” I say as I put down the reports I’d finished for him, “Even as a human you aren’t consuming enough nutrients. Please for your own sake.” I slide the alien food he hates so much, “If you at least ate enough meals a day you wouldn’t need this-” 

“As it’s much denser in nutrients.” He finishes my sentence and takes it, “Alright alright just bring me the food without the lecture.” His monotone voice and sigh reminds me he’s still stressed.

I click my mandibles and walk away stiffly. I want to beg and whimper over the eggs but I go to the bathroom double over and suffer silently from the stress. I can’t imagine how my species has managed to leave their hosts behind on planets. I want to kidnap him, tie him up and force feed him. Something that if I tried in real life I’d be locked up in my room. 

I think I may be producing something comparable to milk for his species, my tongue wants to force itself down his throat, the urge to kiss him is so strong. I wonder if since he’s not feeding himself enough if my body is trying to compensate. I decide to ask him about it later. 

I start to get up and find myself really dizzy for a second. I shake my head and go back out to the doctor. Like he asked, I silently bring him the correct number of meals a day. Later I get another dizzy spell and have to catch myself, concerned.

‘I can do this, just got to hold out for another two and a half weeks.’

The other hosts all get a check up and I stand as professionally and unobsessively as possible. 

The two females are feeling weak. ‘Unsurprising considering everyone's nutritional intake is subliminal’ I observe the more eager host as the doctor gives them all nutrients through an iv.  The other host is pale and not doing well. I wait until the females are gone and can’t help myself becoming concerned and protective, I crouch. “Are you okay?” 

“It's just…a lot.” He sounds bad too. 

I look up at the doctor with a scowl, “He needs to stay here under my care. None of you know what to do. Even when you have all the equipment you need!”

The doctor looks like he's gonna protest but the host weakly grabs my hand and rolls over vomiting. I startle and look at the doc who watches and then starts writing a prescription for nausea. I sniff the medicine and relax, “it'll be fine for the eggs.” I reassure the host and he takes it relieved. 

“I’m sorry,” the host worries, “Are your eggs going to be okay?”

“We’re more worried about whether or not you’re going to be okay.” The doctor says.

I wait a moment then lean down, “I can check them if you like.” I say appreciative of his worries. 

He lets me check on my brood by gently massaging his stomach. “They’re still round and plump, I put my head against his stomach and listen eyes closed to the heart beats. “They’re all still alive.”

“Are they…healthy? Strong?”

I blink, unable to lie and he turns away crying causing the doc to look up quickly.

“Don’t stress out my patient!” Used to obeying, I start to get up but the host grabs me, “No!” Holding me closer. He whispers, “Don’t leave.”

The rest of the day I practically ignore the doctor over the much more demanding needs of my other host. He looks over as I forget yet another meal time and smirks at his own jealousy. Ordering some food he actually likes he consumes half and then gets back to work. 

The sickly host is unsure about my care at first to which I remind myself to give him space. Not aware that me hovering from afar was far worse, but by nighttime I'm curled around him making soothing noises. He’s awake after dozing most of the day. I observe how little energy he seems to have compared to when I first met him. 

“How are you feeling now?”

“Mhm, tired.”

‘He's probably taken too many eggs.’ I think to myself. Whispering softly, “Since you have around three times as many as everyone else you’ll need to eat that much too.”

He lifts his arm with the iv. “Yeah I can see that.” I purr as he pets my good wing, comforting himself and me accidentally with the repetition. 

“Can you kiss me?” he asks suddenly and I notice he enjoys my reaction. The way my wings and antennae always respond. 

“If I do, I will try to force feed you.” I whisper glancing at the doctor to make sure he doesn’t overhear. He seems curious. 

“It's okay.” He whispers back. I pull the curtain for privacy and then let out a squeak as he pulls me into him pressing his mouth against mine needily. I press into it letting my tongue react. 

He lets out an uncomfortable mph when it goes down his throat and starts pumping nutrients. I feel a give and press deeper. The way his body reacts is strange. I pull back quickly to make sure he's not hurt or scared. He gasps a few times looking at me eyes wide. I tilt my head. 

“What’s wrong, is it uncomfortable?”  

He gasps a little longer, then nods.

I worry over him a bit and lay down. 

He finally says, “Couldn’t breathe and my stomach-” 

“I see.” I mix some relaxing chemicals and offer my mouth, realizing what’s happening he smiles and pulls me back into a kiss. Slowly he relaxes and whispers, “No more though.”

“Alright.” I pull away and tuck myself under his chin pressing against him. He strokes my back as I accidentally fall asleep.

I wake up a few hours later listening to the doctor head towards the bathroom.