I wrote incredibly insightful and vunerable text here but then as I pressed publish, it all disappeared and now I can't remember how I put the words...so again, you get 'a version' of it...sort of. I also forgot to copy it before sending, which is another fun aspect of having severe memory issues.

So let's start with...this is a real dream I had, and it stems from my fear of loosing a grip on my reality, going insane, and being taken to a mental hospital against my will.

I have actually seen that happen to some people, and it really had a lasting effect on my young brain at the time. Especially since I had dreams like these, and I cannot emphacise this enough They Felt REAL. Before I knew I had IH, and before my medication, I had times when I had to work really hard to tell if things that happened in my dreams were real.

For the note: Not all of my dreams are trippy. Some are ordinary, and they come with the feel of "realness" - even when I can tell it is a dream, there is a pull, and sort of unconcious thought of "what if THIS Is Real?" and that - is scary.

My dreams come with all of my sences intact. I taste, I smell, I feel all sensations, I see and I hear things perfectly. Every bit of life you feel right now is in my dreams. If I stub my toe, it hurts. If I fall of building, oh boy does it hurt - but it does follow its own dream logic. I don't wake up from death, I am too used to it there - I just move to another dream, or, more often than not, scrape my brokenbones up and will myself to heal despite the excruciating pain that should have K.O'd me.

In that hosptal I could smell the damp, feel the stillwater, the slimy things in it, and it felt familiart. Like had been there over and over again. I wasn't scared of the environment, I was scared of the possibility of believing it was real.

This isn't an official IH symptom. But it is part of my life.
I wish the first post had gone through...

I'll be back again - please by the book!