I pray silently in my head that the resistance will make it through. I know that they might not. I know that they are trying their very best. But I know that there is nothing I can do right now. Nothing to help them in their quest. Nothing except praying to gods who do not care, who have never helped us, who might not even exist. Everything else rests upon the brave shoulders of the incredibly cunning resistance members, who are literally giving their lives to the mission. 

They have to get to the tunnel of the void bubble. They have to get to the tunnel and they have to die. It is literally a suicide mission that they are involved in. They are involved in this suicide mission, they are giving their lives for this mission because everything depends on it. Everything depends on what we do here, now, all together. And they feel that their lives are not as important as the lives of all the other future generations for millennia to come. 

I am so grateful for them. I am so beyond grateful. 

Right now I am fetching the suitcase of one of the dignitaries. I speed my way through the grand and twisting halls of the palace, knowing where everything is because I have to know where everything is. I lug the heavy box and make my way through the grandeur and opulence all around me, not truly seeing any of it and just navigating through, working. I never truly get to take in the grandiosity all around me. It’s all work, work, just work, and my surroundings are all a part of just the work that I have to do. 

I arrive, and hand over the suitcase to the woman who asked me for it. 

“Here you go, your Reverence.” I bow to her meekly. She doesn’t thank me. 

“There has been an attack on the World Stones!” The Emperor’s voice pierces through the air as he rushes into the room where all the officials are, where the Prince is.

“What?!” the Prince exclaims, “Who could have done this?!”

“Those pathetic monsters from the Lower Planets, that’s who!” the Emperor exclaims. 

I say nothing. I make sure to hide my smile. I make sure that they do not see me, they do not hear me, and even if they do see me or hear me they do not notice anything amiss.

“Those flimsy maggots!” the Prince declares, “I will get them! All of them! I will make them pay for what they’ve done!” 

Years. Years and years of planning have all come to a head. The resistance has done their part. They have done their part beautifully. And now I have to do my own part. 

“They have payed, my son,” the Emperor explains in his haughty, faux wise voice. “They died the second they came into contact with the protective barrier at the front of the tunnel. They did not expect for it to be as great and as strong as it was.”

My heart squeezes in my chest. They died. They died. My comrades died. I knew that they would die. They knew that they would die. We all knew. But still, hearing this sends a wave of bitter melancholy through me. They should not have had to do this. They should not have had to sacrifice their lives in order to bring us freedom. Along with the sadness, I also feel guilt, twisting and writhing in my gut. It was to cover my tracks that these brave people died. It was to cover for me. 

“Where are they?” The Prince storms his way through the halls and towards the tunnel in the void. All of the officials trail after him, followed by the Emperor. I follow behind all of them, the last in the line, as I always am. I make sure to keep my face blank and meek.

The resistance fighters do not even look like people anymore. They look like masses of blood and flesh strewn everywhere. I feel sick. But I fight with every single ounce of my strength to keep it out of my face. I cannot have the Imperials knowing how sick I feel. I cannot vomit here, with everybody looking at me, when I know that so much depends on them thinking that I am loyal. So, instead of vomiting, I force the corners of my mouth upwards into a small smile. 

They were brave people. They were really brave. And I have to make sure that their sacrifice will not be for nothing. 

“We have to kill everyone responsible for this!” the Prince demands. 

“We will, my son,” the Emperor promises, “we will crack down on the resistance and find everyone responsible.”

“But that’s not enough, father. We have to make the monsters pay for what they have done. This demands a war.”

“No, my son. We cannot waste troops and lives in order to start a war. We need the magic that the monsters provide in order to power our Empire. We cannot kill too many of them.”

“But father! They have to pay! How can we ensure that they do not try something like this again?”

“We cannot afford a war my son. You will understand when you’re older.”

The conversation moves to something else, with the nobles all joining in, and I wait patiently on the sidelines like a good little slave until it’s my turn again with the Prince’s attentions. The party drifts through the palace into a grand and shining sitting room, and I stand in the background like I am supposed to do. I get called to do jobs here and there, and I do them, and I wait until they are all done talking and they retire back into their rooms. 

The Prince walks back to the void tunnel, which is now cleaned of all the traces of the resistance fighters. He looks down through the tunnel pensively, clearly deeply troubled at the events which haven just occurred. It makes sense. There was an attempt on the items that keep the Empire strong. Why wouldn’t he, the Empire’s favoured son, be perturbed?

“Permission to speak, your Highness?” I ask. 

“Sure,” he replies, “why not. You’ve been speaking a lot today.”

“I’m sorry your Highness. But I do agree with you. Something must be done to ensure that the monsters can never gain access to the World Stones. More needs to be done to keep the Empire safe.” There we go. I planted the seed of explanation for the act I am about to undertake very soon.

“Yes. The Stones are too precariously placed and the monsters are too savage. They will do anything to get their Stones back.”

“Yes, your Highness, they will. We need to keep the Stones safe from them. You are absolutely right.”

“We need to make sure the monsters know their place,” the Prince continues, “we need to make sure they are sorry for ever having crossed us.”

“They do need to know their place,” I agree, “and they need to be taught their place if need be, if they get too uppity.”

“You know your place really well,” the Prince tells me, “you follow our commands and you give us loyalty.”

“I would do anything for the Empire,” I lie to him, “I would do anything at all.”

“I will retreat to my rooms now,” the Prince tells me, “do not follow me.”

“Yes of course, my Prince.”

He leaves. And I am left standing there alone. I walk away, in a different direction, not letting the guards at the tunnel know what I am feeling inside. 

The resistance members sacrificed themselves so that the Imperials will think that the resistance already carried out their plan for retrieving the World Stones. This way, when I go to retrieve the World Stones, the Imperials will not connect my actions back to the resistance. They will think my actions could not possibly be the work of the resistance. Because if the resistance was just going to use me to retrieve the World Stones, what was the point of sending others to try to retrieve them and die in the attempt? In this way, the resistance is covering my tracks. In this way. The Empire will not expect anything. 

Because if I was connected to the resistance, if I was in communication with the resistance, then surely I would have told these brave warriors about the force field protecting the tunnel. So therefore I’m not connected to the resistance. So therefore it’s very unlikely that I’m trying to do anything to help the resistance’s cause. 

———

I am alone with the Empress, and this is a good time. The Empress is kind to me. Actually, no, that’s a lie, but the Empress is kinder to me than the men in her family. She treats me like a thing, always, and she treats me as unequal, not able to shine as brightly as her husband and her son. But the Empress does sometimes treat me like a delicate thing that could break if treated too roughly. And she sometimes asks me how I am doing. 

I am brushing her hair right now. She prefers to have her hair brushed by real people. Not by the robots that usually do it for everyone else. She says that this way it feels nicer, more comfortable, more intimate. Her husband and son usually don’t have the time to do it. And so the responsibility falls on me. Not that I can say no, unlike her husband and her son. Maybe that’s why she enjoys making me do it so much. 

I run the brush through her incredibly long blond curls. Her hair is soft and silky and shining and beautiful. I don’t know how it ends up being as beautiful as it is. It’s almost like a wig. I almost enjoy brushing it, bringing the comb through all that silky beauty. It feels strangely intimate. As if I am a part of something, as if I belong with someone. Still, these emotions feel more like the ghosts of real emotions rather than feeling like real emotions themselves. It’s not as if I’m truly wanted here. I’m just a stand in for better people. 

But today I have something important to do here. Something beyond just brushing her hair. I have something that Arji would want me to do, something that our friends would want me to do, something that the resistance would want me to do, something that the people would want me to do. Something that I want to do. My wants and the people’s wants are one and the same. I do not know where I end and they begin, where they end and I begin. We are all part of the same whole. 

“Permission to speak, your Highness?” I ask humbly.

“Of course, Ikkret.” There is a hint of compassion in her voice. I know I’m not a lost child anymore, but I allow myself to soak it up like a plant desperate for water anyways. 

“I thank you for everything that you have done for me, my Lady. All the kindness that you’ve shown over the years is greatly appreciated.”

“Of course, Ikkret. It’s the responsibility of the Empire to be civilized, even to lesser beings such as yourself.”

“Of course, my Lady. And I am beyond grateful to the Empire for all it has done for me. I am beyond grateful to your family for all of the kindness and the mercy you have shown.”

“Thank you, Ikkret.”

“And do you want to know something else, your Majesty?”

“What is it, Ikkret?”

“I have often felt as if I were a part of your family myself. I have often felt as if I was a son of yourself and the Emperor, not in the same way that the Prince is of course, but in my own strange way nonetheless.”

“Why have you felt this way, Ikkret?” 

“Because, my Lady, you have raised me since I was but a baby. You have fed me and clothed me and sheltered me and protected me for all of these many years. You have been there for me all throughout my life. You, your husband, and your son, you have always been around me, you have always been there for me, just as a family would. And I am so grateful. And in the face of such kindness, why would I not feel as though you were my own family? Why whould I not feel as if I belong here, as if I belong with you?”

She is silent for a while after hearing this. Finally, she speaks. 

“I am honoured that you think of us this way.”

“And what’s more, your Highness, I would do anything to show that I am grateful to you. I would do anything to help and protect my family, and to help and protect the Empire that took me in and raised me as their own.”

“I’m sure you would, Ikkret, I’m sure you would.”

“I know you don’t see me as your child, your Majesty, but I see you as my mother nonetheless. And I want you to know that.”

Thre Empress looks at me for a while. She brings up one hand to card it through my own cropped, dark hair. Finally, tears form in her eyes and she blinks them away. 

“Thank you Ikkret. That is very valuable to me.”

“Thank you as well, your Majesty.” The lies leave my throat like water. I’ve always been very good at lying. I’ve always had to be very good at lying. And this skill is proving beyond valuable to me now. 

I continue brushing her hair, thinking of Arji this whole time. Arji who took me in without a second thought once she found out what situation I was in. Arji who always treated me as an equal. Arji who always treated me as one of her own, and never treated me like a monster. I’m beyond glad that I have her. And I also cannot let anyone know that I have her. I cannot let anyone know that I have someone willing to be a real mother to me, that I have people willing to be my real family.