Across the city, in a hotel suite, I sat on the bed, watching the live stream on my phone.

I  was eating the most delicious strawberries.

“God,” I muttered. “He’s crying like I actually died.”

Jazmin leaned over from the armchair, sniffling. “I mean, you literally did die for him? I mean, from his perspective.”

I popped another strawberry in my mouth and chewed slowly. “...Yeah, I was perfect, huh?”

“Evil,” Jazmin corrected. “Perfect planning though. I feel so bad for him though…”

I didn’t answer her. I just stared at the screen. The funeral had just ended. The live ended. I just stared. My mind replayed Zed crying, the hurt on his face.

My hand trembled just once.

“Alright!” I said, standing up. “Imma go check if I have everything; you gonna drive me or what?”

“Yes, yes I will!”

Right at that moment, the hotel door opened in came Reya and Chloe.

“Hey guys, how was the funeral?” I said, waving enthusiastically.

“Exhausting. My eyes are so dry right now. Do you have eye drops?” said Reya.

“I do. It's in my first aid kit; lemme pull it out!”

“Okay!” said Reya.

While I dug through my suitcase for the first aid kit, Jazmin pulled Reya and Chloe to the side.

“You seriously gonna let her go?!” Jazmin whisper-yelled, eyes darting toward where I was. “I legit don’t care what she did; she’s family. Why can’t she stay, and we’ll hide her from Zed?”

“Yep, we are gonna let her go…” said Reya.

“It’s too late for that. I had to register her death with the government unless you wanna go to jail; you're welcome to keep her,” stated Chloe.

“But–”

“No buts, Jazy; this is the only way she’s gonna learn her lesson,” said Reya, looking Jazmin dead in the eye.

“Wait, what lesson? I thought we were only gonna like send her away!” whispered-Yelled Chloe.

“To stop running,” Reya's gaze flickered towards me. “To stop pretending she doesn’t feel anything. To stop hiding under that evil persona of hers.”

“She really needs to learn to accept whatever she's feeling,” Jazmin muttered, more to herself than anyone.

“She’s already in love with Zed,” Reya said simply. “That's why she came up with this whole faking her death plan.”

“What? Why didn’t you stop her then? You know damn well that you barely tried,” said Chloe.

Reya gave a slow smile, just the tiniest of mischief dancing behind it. “Because sometimes you just need to watch people crash out before they realise what they want.”

“I found it! Sorry it took me so long.” I said, walking towards them. “What were you guys talking about?” I said, handing Reya the eye drops.

“Nothing much, just how epic this plan of yours was,” said Chloe.

“I know, right! I’m the best!”

“Yeah yeah, Jessica, are you ready to leave for the airport?” Reaya raised her eyebrows.

“Hell yeah, Italy is going to be epic!!”

“Okay, then go get your luggage; let's eat out before we drop you.” 

“Reya, get me the spicy burger we ate last time,” said Jazmin.

…

Italy was quite the way I never knew I needed.

Everything was just so beautiful!

No more Zed, no more of him looking after me, or clinging to me. 

I was alone; my friends weren’t here, which meant I could do whatever I wanted.

I enrolled myself as a transfer student at a university.

I became an engineer, which I always wanted to.

I even tried out new hobbies like painting.

I bought a cheap canvas to practise, but in the end I kept painting those eyes over and over again… they were foxy and sometimes cold, but whenever I held his gaze they’d soften.

Everything around me reminded me of him.

The food, the beaches, the parks, the stars…

Sometimes, absent-mindedly, I rub the spot where the ring he made for me sat, and then realise it was no longer a part of me…

I should have felt peace.

I had given him trauma.

I fulfilled the greatest thing that I’d ever wanted.

So why did it feel like I was actually dying?