Hello everyone! I’m Dr. Ali, but please just call me Nasrin. If you’re here, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m tracking right now-

Nasrin, who are you talking to?

Rob, I’m talking to the hypothetical alternate universe audience that might see this tape someday. Would you please shut up?

Anyways, hem hem. I made a multiversal travel machine (please don’t tell anyone at U of Waterloo yet!) and that’s how I’m able to find you. I haven’t inserted any trackers into your universe jussssst yet….but I have done so into another! And man, that universe is free entertainment so far.

How can you call it “entertainment?” It seems fucking miserable down there.

L-A-N-G-U-A-G-E, please. Speaking of which, there is some rather harsh language in this tape if you haven’t noticed, so please don’t show this to any children!

The story starts in a place called London, England - I mean Ontario, sorry. There’s a teenage girl named Cheryl Sakurai who’s legally an adult, but is practically a child to me. She has two real friends: Blossom Rosen and Glen Robinson. They’re all weird kids into weird portal fantasy stories, but Blossom and Glen take it up a notch by suspecting the most aggressively masculine character in their favourite TV show is a trans woman! Still, Cheryl loves her life, except for the fact that they get bullied at school by this very violent guy named Jared.

One day, Cheryl and her friends go to a University of Waterloo tour. This was supposed to be a small part of a bigger attempt to get back at Jared, but I guess they forgot about that. Anyways, the trio had the brilliant idea to take a really shady offer to go to a dorm party they absolutely shouldn’t have been in. Cheryl gets her drink spiked there, and when her friends have the even more high IQ idea to go near her universe’s version of my lab later, she passes out and gets teleported to an alternate version of her world.

It takes a while for Cheryl to realize she’s in another universe, though, even as her home decor looks totally different and her new friends are stock high school popular kids who cheer on a geek getting beaten up. Nonetheless, she goes to that universe’s version of me, finds out the truth, and gets angry at me like the teenage girl she is. Ugh, poor other me had to calm that ingenue down.

Later, she discovers her alternate friends wanna murder Marcus Santana, the official boyfriend of a popstar named Daisy Butler who they suspect is a secret lesbian. Their plan is to get a hitman - I’m sorry, a 23 year old military veteran - named Arlo to kill him at Daisy’s Civic Day weekend concert. He also happens to be Blossom’s maternal cousin, which is sad. 

Rather than go to the police like a responsible young woman, Cheryl decides to vigilante her way into trying to change her friends’ minds because you see, their surviving parents here are crappy (unlike in her original world where the surviving parents were nice). Of course, other me tries to warn her that her lack of planning is really, really stupid, but what can I do? 

At least Cheryl seems to have taken other me’s advice to heart slightly, as she gets hired as a camerawoman for a movie Daisy and Marcus are starring as co-leads in a movie called Mistletoe Blue. It’s a Christmas movie, and experimental, which sounds fun! Unfortunately, Daisy is not very fun…but maybe her manager Spencer Isaacs has something to do with it?

Oh yeah, Daisy’s whole “romance” thing with Marcus is a lie that Spencer set up. She’s not even straight or a lesbian, either: she’s into androgynous looking people, which would make her, if I remember correctly-

That’s it, I’m taking away the camera! We are not getting cancelled by Twitter people for using the wrong microlabels!

Awww, I thought you were just an assistant. But I guess you’re right.

Toodles, watchers!

(Wattpad version: https://www.wattpad.com/1651307563-the-daisy-theory-chapters-1-8-recap)